Religion has ruined my relatiobnship

Tiglath

OP - you seem settled in your own mind that it's over now. Make sure you think of all the practical untangling (I'm assuming you live together but maybe you don't). Joint mortgage/tenancy, joint finances etc.

l33na

Panda78 wrote: »

Thanks so much, it's reassuring to have some support from a Muslim perspective. It would be really hard for me to live my life fully according to Islam. Another example is that i always make a big effort during Ramadan and Eid, cooking special meals etc and taking time off work to spend the day with him, because i can't pray with him and make it special that way, but he never comes to my family home to celebrate Christmas with me, because he "can't".

Sticking with it will only get more testing seriously drawing on my own experience the whole finding my faith has been a great change to my family life and we have always been Muslims.

For him and like many Muslims they came to the western countries and adopted this culture. now with him getting on in years and then having to face the reality of death of a parent it has made him aware of his religion and he won't budge.. My gosh I won't budge even with a Muslim family.
It is sad that he dragged it out but in reality I don't think it was intentional. It is only with his growing knowledge of his religion he is making his decisions.
Is it not better to get out before it turns nasty as inevitably it will. Wish him well and send him packing...that way he will know you are serious and it won't be like the past where he went I don't want kids as I already have mine and never mind you may want some.

phill99

Religion: one man trying to prove that his imaginary friend is better than your imaginary friend.

In my eyes, Islam never has been a byword for tolerance.

Chickabiddybex

What is involved in "converting"?

What will change in your life? I know people who are technically Muslim but don't do anything different to me. They still drink. Don't wear a head scarf. Eat bacon. Never go to pray. They just celebrate Eid instead of Christmas!
And there's nothing to say you can't celebrate both as I know people who celebrate both too. If the sacrifice is small and the reward is great then consider it.
Of course if you would have to be a stricter Muslim then the sacrifice might outweigh the reward.

Tish_P

It's not fair for you to be making all the compromises, especially as he keeps moving the goal posts and expecting more and more compliance. So although it sucks to break up it sounds like you would both be happier if you left and each found someone else whose ideals are more compatible with your own. Especially given that you want children!

Yolina

will.i.amnt wrote: »

yup. That's mixed marriages for ya.

all religion should be banned. Anachronistic mumbo jumbo. Anyone that doesn't like it, feel free to leave.

:eek:

A friend of mine is a practising Muslim, his wife of 20+ years is not Muslim. Their kids were explained the differences between Mum and Dad's religions early on and there never was any pressure on them to follow any. They do both Eid and Xmas.

I am not religious, but I do respect other people's beliefs. However I would not accept to have religion (of whatever flavour) forced on me.

CH27

Panda78 wrote: »

Thanks Jimmy, i'm not sure i can answer everything, but staying together unmarried is not an option. He is, aside from this issue, a strict Muslim now and i do not want to be the one to bring "sin" into his life. I expected him to marry me, to make our relationship acceptable in the eyes of God, but he wants me to be Muslim. I know there are similarities between the Bible and Quran, but it's more the customs and way of life which i don't want. Just on one issue alone - i do not want to wear the hijab and if i converted, he would expect this. I also feel loyal to my family, upbringing and education. Everything that has made me the person i am, which i like to think is considerate and generous. I have certainly accepted everything about my partner, whether i like it or not, but this is the deal breaker for me.

He is choosing religion over me, because as a Christian, he is allowed to marry me, he just wants me to be Muslim. He doesn't want me to convert for the sake of him, that is actually not allowed, but the truth is many women do convert just for their husbands and if they divorce down the line, you find they go back to their first religion. To me, that is wrong. You can only convert if you believe that way of life is correct and Islam is a lifestyle as well as religion.

Don't let him change you & divide you from your support system.

Mojisola

The danger signals to me would be that he is starting to feel the responsibility of being the family's elder and leader. He may be coming under pressure from other family members to be a good example to the younger ones.

There is a real risk that he will become more extreme in his religious views and will expect the OP to convert, marry him and then start behaving like a perfect Muslim wife - as dictated by him.

Tropez

I think people who try and insist that their partners convert to their religion are disrespectful to both their partner and their supposed god.

Attempting to force somebody to adopt a particular faith shows no regard for the freedom of choice and belief that we should all have.

Similarly, someone who adopts religion in such a manner is most often only doing so to continue a relationship and not through any actual belief, which negates the entire purpose of ascribing to a religion and in an essence makes a mockery of it.

Panda78

l33na wrote: »

Sticking with it will only get more testing seriously drawing on my own experience the whole finding my faith has been a great change to my family life and we have always been Muslims.

For him and like many Muslims they came to the western countries and adopted this culture. now with him getting on in years and then having to face the reality of death of a parent it has made him aware of his religion and he won't budge.. My gosh I won't budge even with a Muslim family.
It is sad that he dragged it out but in reality I don't think it was intentional. It is only with his growing knowledge of his religion he is making his decisions.
Is it not better to get out before it turns nasty as inevitably it will. Wish him well and send him packing...that way he will know you are serious and it won't be like the past where he went I don't want kids as I already have mine and never mind you may want some.

Thank you, i have been thinking along these lines and i will certainly try to leave with respect for what we had for so long. I do genuinely wish him well and want him to have a good life, it's just a shame i can't be part of it anymore.