Religion has ruined my relatiobnship

Panda78

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Do you get along with his ex, OP?
If so, that might be an easier way of keeping in touch / keeping up with the children.

No, she's well beyond reach, has always been difficult to communicate with. He had to go through the courts for contact as she made things so difficult for him. At least they are older now so can make their own minds up.

moneyistooshorttomention

Indeed, it is very sad it has come to this. You obviously love him a lot. However, you have done what you can and already given up one thing that is very important to you for his sake (ie having children) and it wouldnt be at all fair for him to expect you to make another huge concession (ie changing religion) for his sake.

Maybe he'll see in time that he wasnt being at all fair to you to make two Big Asks from you, when you don't seem to have done even one Big Ask from him. Maybe he won't.

Anyway, fwiw I do think you might well find those "goalposts" kept shifting and shifting and in the end there would be no love or respect left.

Best to break up now on good terms and with respect than years later after one too many battles and you being too old to hope for children with someone else.

Breaking up now - you still have time to find someone else to love and who will not expect to share their religious beliefs/or lack of and will want children as much as you do.

Who knows? A few years down the line you could be sitting there happily married to someone else and watching a child you both wanted playing happily in the garden and thinking "Well it did all work out for the best in the end". Fingers crossed that that is what lies in the future for you.

Slinky

Sorry to hear about your situation. As others have said, 34 is still young and you have the chance to find happiness again. Even if you don't get to have children of your own, you have loved your partner's children, your future partner may bring other children into your life.

VfM4meplse

OP, this guy has milked you for free for 13 years and is showing you no consideration with his inflexibility. Good enough to "love" for 13 years, but not to marry unconditionally?

Don't let him rob you of motherhood.

mumps

Panda78 wrote: »

Muslims in the UK are more devout now, espcially those born abroad. They used to want to be part of British life and accepted, but since 9/11 a divide has been created and they feel a "them and us" culture, which has made them stick to "their side" as they feel that non-Muslims see them all as "terrorists". I never felt prejudice when i was with my partner until after 9/11 and then again during 7/7, when we even got comments in the street during the aftermath (due to his arab appearence). Anyway, that's a side issue just to add to the interesting conversations that have been going on here.

I can imagine how hard it is, my DH is mixed race, his father was black, he is brown our kids are another mix lighter. My husband has had the terrorists remarks, really ironic for a Roman Catholic with no connections to Islam or any country other than England. Even worse for the kids who could easily be mistaken for Arabs, has even happened in Egypt and Morocco on holidays. I don't understand it with my husband as I don't think he does look Arab but for some people a tanned complexion is enough. When my in laws married in the 40s they had a hard time, for us no real problems until recent years and I think you are right as the siege mentality must affect some Muslims.

I think you are being brave and dignified and I hope it works out for you both. Good luck.