Religion has ruined my relatiobnship

JimmyTheWig

Panda78 wrote: »

If anyone has the time, could i also pose a question as to what i should do if my partner did change his mind and agree to marry me as Christian?

I would be worried about two things...
1. Is he agreeing to marry you just so he doesn't lose you? Is that a valid reason to get married? Would you be happy to marry someone who, deep down, didn't really want to marry you?
2. Is he just saying it to keep you for now. The wedding can't happen for some time. Maybe he is hoping to change your mind in that time? Or will he change his mind again and leave you in the same position in 18 months time?

As I said earlier, you know him better than we do. You're the only one here who can answer the above questions. But if it were me those are the questions I'd be asking myself.

Panda78

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

I would be worried about two things...
1. Is he agreeing to marry you just so he doesn't lose you? Is that a valid reason to get married? Would you be happy to marry someone who, deep down, didn't really want to marry you?
2. Is he just saying it to keep you for now. The wedding can't happen for some time. Maybe he is hoping to change your mind in that time? Or will he change his mind again and leave you in the same position in 18 months time?

As I said earlier, you know him better than we do. You're the only one here who can answer the above questions. But if it were me those are the questions I'd be asking myself.

Thanks Jimmy, those are my worries too. I think he's starting to feel the pressure of the split now, where as i felt it immeadiately. Last night i asked him to send post i am due to receive in 2 weeks time to my family home and he was surprised that i wouldn't still be living with him by then, but what else are we supposed to do?!

He seems to want to buy time without even hinting that he might change his mind about things. I suppose he's just hoping it will be too difficult for me to leave and that i might agree to at least give it a go. He suggested i try the religion out, live as he does, pray etc and we could study it together, but i've made it clear it's not for me. He's not thinking about options where i don't convert, yet he still doesn't want me to leave our home yet, which makes me feel like i am the one walking out on him.

Mojisola

Panda78 wrote: »

He suggested i try the religion out, live as he does, pray etc and we could study it together, but i've made it clear it's not for me. He's not thinking about options where i don't convert, yet he still doesn't want me to leave our home yet, which makes me feel like i am the one walking out on him.

Don't let him guilt-trip you into staying!

He's the one who wants to change the status quo by asking you to convert.

Errata

As I wrote in an earlier post, he won't make a decision he'll say it's his god's will and if you don't agree then it's all your fault.

Panda78

Mojisola wrote: »

Don't let him guilt-trip you into staying!

He's the one who wants to change the status quo by asking you to convert.

I know, but last night he was saying how shocked his brother and wife (she is a convert) were that we are really splitting up. They didn't believe it, because they thought that i would change my mind. You can see the pattern here.

Panda78

Errata wrote: »

As I wrote in an earlier post, he won't make a decision he'll say it's his god's will and if you don't agree then it's all your fault.

I agree, but he's twisting God's will, as the Quran says he can marry a Christian. I can't understand why he wants to make it more difficult than that.

andygb

Panda78, I am not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but if you decide to stay with him, convert and get married, then he would be able to legally find another three wives.
You were 21 when you met him, so do you really think that he would be content to stay with you and only you if he had more control over the relationship.
I have known many Muslim men in this country, and a high percentage of them like the freedom that the UK allows them, but they also like the control which their religion allows them over women.
If he really loves you, then there is absolutely no need for him to make these demands of you.

Errata

Panda78 wrote: »

I agree, but he's twisting God's will, as the Quran says he can marry a Christian. I can't understand why he wants to make it more difficult than that.

In that case, the writing is on the wall in even larger capital letters. He'll do what he believes is right, even when he's wrong.

Panda78

andygb wrote: »

Panda78, I am not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but if you decide to stay with him, convert and get married, then he would be able to legally find another three wives.
You were 21 when you met him, so do you really think that he would be content to stay with you and only you if he had more control over the relationship.
I have known many Muslim men in this country, and a high percentage of them like the freedom that the UK allows them, but they also like the control which their religion allows them over women.
If he really loves you, then there is absolutely no need for him to make these demands of you.

Thanks Andy, i am aware of the allowance of 4 wives, although he has never mentioned that he wanted this (much like everything else i know!) I agree with your last comment, in fact it's what is hurting me so much. I'm just worried that he if changed his mind at the last minute and says he will marry me, that i won't have the strength to go through with it and leave. This week has been so draining.

Panda78

Errata wrote: »

In that case, the writing is on the wall in even larger capital letters. He'll do what he believes is right, even when he's wrong.

Thanks, i think i needed to hear that as plainly as you have put it.