Religion has ruined my relatiobnship

tesuhoha

I think you have to ask yourself if this man actually loves you because you have already made sacrifices for him and it is still not enough. It does not seem as if there is much love on his part.

It would be better to get out now while you are still young to find yourself someone who cares about you and whose beliefs are less stringent and more matched to your own.

*Louise*

Panda78 wrote: »

We don't have children - he has kids from a previous marriage. He didn't want more kids and i reluctantly accepted this as i had a step-family with this children.

Am i throwing away a very good 13 years for nothing? At 34, single life is scary and i doubt i could find another partner in time to have children.

Your two comments I have highlighted seem to contradict each other. If you stay with him you won't have children anyway so you shouldn't let that scare you about looking for someone new (and 30's is young for having children these days!)

You have given up a MASSIVE thing there out of consideration for him. From all your posts it doesn't seem like he is willing to concede anything in your direction.

Panda78 wrote: »

Just on one issue alone - i do not want to wear the hijab and if i converted, he would expect this.

To me that is a very telling sign, he is already controlling and it can only get more so if you converted.

I think you are right to prepare to walk away. You have given so much, and you do so much in supporting his rediscovered religious beliefs and yet he still wants more without giving anything in return?

Maybe once he sees how determined you are and realises that he is going to lose you he might rethink his stance?

pollypenny

It's a shame, but he seems to value religion more than you, panda.

With his recently renewed zeal, he is likely to want you adopt Islamic conventions like the hijab and to make you subservient to him in a range of ways.

You are young enough to start again, although it'll be hard in the beginning.

Good luck.

claire16c

He doesnt want kids but you do - but your main reason for staying with him is incase you cant find someone else to have kids with? That makes no sense.

That for me would be a deal breaker anyway. Im suprised you stayed so long.

If youre going to split up, do it now whilst youre 34 and not 40. Then it really will be a lot harder to have children with someone else.

Primrose

I really feel for you and MargaretClare speaks a lot of sense. I suspect that your boyfriend is not going to step back from his new found more fundamental approach to his religion and I can foresee this causing a great deal of pressure in your future lives if you convert. Religion and an individual's attitude to it can form very deep part of their personal lives ad if you feel you cannot convert on principle, then yes, you must accept that this is the end of the relationship.
It will be hard for you to walk away, but when you have recovered from your loss you will not be at risk of spending the rest of your life in possible enslavement to a religion with which you cannot identify, and which may well end up forcing you down a more fundamentalist path with which you do not agree.

System

Religion isnt the sort of thing that you can force onto another person.

JimmyTheWig

*Louise* wrote: »

Your two comments I have highlighted seem to contradict each other. If you stay with him you won't have children anyway

I think the point is that currently the OP has her partner's children from his previous relationship.

Torry_Quine

I don't think it's ever a good idea to 'convert' just to please someone else. Becoming a muslim or any other religion should be because you actually believe it not to make someone else happy.

This is the reason that people should think very hard before getting into a relationship with someone of a different belief. Eventually something has to give.

jd87

34 is not old! Maybe being in a relationship with such an older man has made you feel older?

Panda78

jd87 wrote: »

34 is not old! Maybe being in a relationship with such an older man has made you feel older?

Thanks for the reassurance 34 is not old in real terms, but biologically it is, because i know i'm unlikely to feel ready for another relationship for a while. If and when i do meet someone, my chances of conceiving will be less.

Perhaps my partner has made me feel older. His children are older now and with him being 50, perhaps i had settled into a more mature stage of life, although the age difference between us has never been any issue.