Religion has ruined my relatiobnship

billa_champion

phill99 wrote: »

Religion: one man trying to prove that his imaginary friend is better than your imaginary friend.

In my eyes, Islam never has been a byword for tolerance.

Usual media-fed rubbish - don’t judge a religion by its people!

Anyway, OP, seriously you shouldn't convert just to keep him happy. Surely as a devout Muslim he should know that if you convert just to appease him then it’s completely false anyway. You'll just be Muslim by name - what's the point of that!?

mumps

Torry_Quine wrote: »

This is the reason that people should think very hard before getting into a relationship with someone of a different belief. Eventually something has to give.

While this is often the case it isn't always. My parents were of different faiths, both of the Book, but I can honestly say I never once heard them argue about it. They both respected the others beliefs. My husband and I were brought up in the same faith and we disagree far more, not sure how that works? Well I do really, although he does believe in God he does not believe in religions. This is in no small part due to him not being white and having experienced prejudice in the church, particularly in his childhood. The worrying thing for me is that when we married we experienced very little prejudice but in recent years this has become more and more apparent. I am not sure if this is because we are older and seem easier targets or if prejudice is increasing.

To the OP if you are happy to move on then I think that is what you should do, if you still want to give this relationship a chance have you thought of talking to the Imam? Obviously some are more tolerant than others but a member of my family married a Muslim and found the Imam a great support. Good luck whatever you decide.

Torry_Quine

mumps wrote: »

While this is often the case it isn't always. My parents were of different faiths, both of the Book, but I can honestly say I never once heard them argue about it. They both respected the others beliefs. My husband and I were brought up in the same faith and we disagree far more, not sure how that works? Well I do really, although he does believe in God he does not believe in religions. This is in no small part due to him not being white and having experienced prejudice in the church, particularly in his childhood. The worrying thing for me is that when we married we experienced very little prejudice but in recent years this has become more and more apparent. I am not sure if this is because we are older and seem easier targets or if prejudice is increasing.

To the OP if you are happy to move on then I think that is what you should do, if you still want to give this relationship a chance have you thought of talking to the Imam? Obviously some are more tolerant than others but a member of my family married a Muslim and found the Imam a great support. Good luck whatever you decide.

Which is why I said that you have to think very hard. I'm glad it worked for your parents but in my experience this is the exception rather than the rule. If both people are sincere in their faith then it can be hard to reconcile the differences. It often leads to one person 's faith becoming little more than a token gesture.

quinechinoise

Panda78 wrote: »

Would appreciate some advice please. My relationship of 13 years is over because i will not convert to Islam.

I've read the whole thread. The only thing that stands out is: ending your relationship is the right thing to do. Some things are simply not open to compromise. You can't have half a baby, you can't have half a marriage and you can't have half a religious conversion.

Plenty of people have mixed marriages - both ethnicity and religion. I'm one of them. But the differences must be accepted and tolerated, even if they aren't fully understood. If you are secure in your path to God, then why would you change that?

Last fortnight, I took the kids to a playdate with a mom who is 10 years older than me - married with the same age (young) kids as mine! You are not too old to start over. Don't let that aspect eat you up.

Finally, however you feel and whatever the future holds, you are not alone. God is always with us - talk to Him.

claire16c

Panda78 wrote: »

Thanks for the reassurance 34 is not old in real terms, but biologically it is, because i know i'm unlikely to feel ready for another relationship for a while. If and when i do meet someone, my chances of conceiving will be less.
.

Staying with him your chances are zero.

So Id go for less over zero if you really want kids and thats your priority.

seven-day-weekend

Do not convert to any religion unless it is the one you believe to be right. Don't do it just to please someone else.

As for your relationship, is he still the same man you fell in love with? It seems to me as though he has changed and is no longer that man. Maybe it is time to go your separate ways.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well.

bylromarha

It seems you've already decided what do. I want to wish you all the best as you move on from this man. Cling to the good memories you have with him as 13 years will have given you many happy times.

FWIW, it sounds to me as if he is doing his duty rather than actually lining his life up against the Qur'an's teachings. I studied Islam and I recall sex outside of marriage was considered haram by most Muslims. I presume if you've lived together for so long, but not been married, then you have slept together in the past 3 years. And if the Qur'an says it is okay for you to marry, but he is wanting you convert, then it sounds like he is doing what his community expect rather than what the Qur'an guides him to do.

All the best for the future.

FBaby

This thread has almost left me in tears because it is both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

It is obvious that you both love and care about eachother, but whereas you are prepared to make many compromises but the ultimate one he needs to be faithful to his religion (in his eyes), he can't make the compromises that you require to make the relationship work.

One just have to come here regularly to know how many relationships breakdown and how precious it is to find a partner that makes you completely happy. To lose this over religion is devastating, but it is a no way street, because the demand of total devotion as believed to be expected can't allow for compromies without being hypocritical.

Unfortunately, like most, it seems to be without a happy ending, which is so so sad and so unfair to you. My heart goes to you, it really does, and I desperately hope that things will turn out for the best for you.

l33na

I think your post title says it all. Religion ruined a relationship don't let it ruin your life.
:grouphug:

phill99

billa_champion wrote: »

Usual media-fed rubbish - don’t judge a religion by its people!

A religion that shoots teenage girls in the head simply for wanting an education and that denies females basic health care is not tolerant.