Religion has ruined my relatiobnship

elaine373

I am white, english and muslim. I converted 30 odd years ago and it was through meeting my husband that I was introduced to Islam.It was totally my own choice.
The thing here is that you have already decided you dont want to convert. He has no right to force you and as you say, he can actually marry a christian anyway. It seems to me that he is changing as a muslim and he wants to please God by forcing you to convert. You can not convert for anyone except God and to force you is plain wrong. If he doesnt accept you as you are, then it is clear that you have to split.
Islam is perfect, muslims are not.

balletshoes

phill99 wrote: »

billa_champion wrote: »

Usual media-fed rubbish - don’t judge a religion by its people!

A religion that shoots teenage girls in the head simply for wanting an education and that denies females basic health care is not tolerant.

lets not go there Phil - a simple google will give you all sorts of atrocities committed in the name of just about any religion you can think of.

Gloomendoom

balletshoes wrote: »

lets not go there Phil - a simple google will give you all sorts of atrocities committed in the name of just about any religion you can think of.

Including atheism.

onlyroz

phill99 wrote: »

A religion that shoots teenage girls in the head simply for wanting an education and that denies females basic health care is not tolerant.

Come on, it's *people* that shoot people in the head, not religion. There are backward people from all cultures.

duchy

go_cat wrote: »

if you can accept him as a Muslim, why can he not accept you asa Christian, after all you are not the one who was changed are you

This pretty much sums it up for me.

My parents had a mixed marriage from a religious perspective and both were very respectful of the beliefs of the other. It seems to me that mixed marriages only work if that respect and tolerence is there OR if one partner is prepared to give up or submerge their religion for the other one.

Panda78

bylromarha wrote: »

It seems you've already decided what do. I want to wish you all the best as you move on from this man. Cling to the good memories you have with him as 13 years will have given you many happy times.

FWIW, it sounds to me as if he is doing his duty rather than actually lining his life up against the Qur'an's teachings. I studied Islam and I recall sex outside of marriage was considered haram by most Muslims. I presume if you've lived together for so long, but not been married, then you have slept together in the past 3 years. And if the Qur'an says it is okay for you to marry, but he is wanting you convert, then it sounds like he is doing what his community expect rather than what the Qur'an guides him to do.

All the best for the future.

Thank you, i am trying to hold onto this, but it's actually making more sad at the moment! We really have had some great times, which is why it's so hard for me to accept that he won't marry me for who i am. If the issue was that he couldn't according to the Quran it would be easier to understand.

Panda78

FBaby wrote: »

This thread has almost left me in tears because it is both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

It is obvious that you both love and care about eachother, but whereas you are prepared to make many compromises but the ultimate one he needs to be faithful to his religion (in his eyes), he can't make the compromises that you require to make the relationship work.

One just have to come here regularly to know how many relationships breakdown and how precious it is to find a partner that makes you completely happy. To lose this over religion is devastating, but it is a no way street, because the demand of total devotion as believed to be expected can't allow for compromies without being hypocritical.

Unfortunately, like most, it seems to be without a happy ending, which is so so sad and so unfair to you. My heart goes to you, it really does, and I desperately hope that things will turn out for the best for you.

Thank you for your kind words, i'm glad that my comments seem to suggest that we both love each other and would like to continue a life together, but our one difference is just too great.

Panda78

OP here, just another thanks to everyone who has commented. This has been the worst week of my life, but i have gained a lot from your advice.

If anyone has the time, could i also pose a question as to what i should do if my partner did change his mind and agree to marry me as Christian?

I am preparing to leave our home this weekend and need to know what people think i should do if this happens. I'm scacred that too many differences have been aired now to put them to one side and marry, but there could be a last ditch attempt on both our parts not to throw away 13 years together.

Mojisola

Panda78 wrote: »

If anyone has the time, could i also pose a question as to what i should do if my partner did change his mind and agree to marry me as Christian?

Not knowing him, it difficult to say but I would be concerned that he has only put the idea of you becoming a Muslim on the back burner and that you will find yourself under a lot of pressure later on.

It will be much harder to sort things out if you have to go through a divorce.

CH27

Panda78 wrote: »

OP here, just another thanks to everyone who has commented. This has been the worst week of my life, but i have gained a lot from your advice.

If anyone has the time, could i also pose a question as to what i should do if my partner did change his mind and agree to marry me as Christian?

I am preparing to leave our home this weekend and need to know what people think i should do if this happens. I'm scacred that too many differences have been aired now to put them to one side and marry, but there could be a last ditch attempt on both our parts not to throw away 13 years together.

I would be concerned that once he married you he would try to get you to convert & conform to his beliefs.