Religion has ruined my relatiobnship

moneyistooshorttomention

Mojisola wrote: »

The danger signals to me would be that he is starting to feel the responsibility of being the family's elder and leader. He may be coming under pressure from other family members to be a good example to the younger ones.

There is a real risk that he will become more extreme in his religious views and will expect the OP to convert, marry him and then start behaving like a perfect Muslim wife - as dictated by him.

My views summed up exactly:T

Many years ago - whilst still rather naive:o - I went out with a non-practising Muslim in a serious relationship for some time and I could see that one coming (ie the family pressures that he would experience in later life and their knock-on effect on me).

What did I do about it? In a phrase "I ran and I was right to".

Sorry it has come to this for you.

I wish you all the best for the future.

balletshoes

FBaby wrote: »

How can it be a step towards it though? If anything, it seems like a step away from it from my perspective. If OP isn't converting, then how can he expect her to act more like a muslim wife than she is now?

because she'd be his wife, and if he holds the regard and respect of his family, mosque and community in high esteem, he may well expect his wife to behave in a way which enhances that more than Panda does now, as his girlfriend.

gravitytolls

FBaby wrote: »

If he did, it would show that he is prepared to make a huge compromise to his religion for the sake of his love for you. I would hug him, marry him and love him forever!

How is he compromising his religion? Islam allows followers to marry other creeds, difficulties mainly arise if children are born.

Yorkie1

gravitytolls wrote: »

How is he compromising his religion? Islam allows followers to marry other creeds, difficulties mainly arise if children are born.

The question was whether he would be prepared to marry her "as a Christian".

Most replies interpreted that as marrying Panda whilst she is still a Christian.

FBaby may have interpreted the question as him being a Christian when he married Panda.

elaine373

He is clearly a changed man and unless you want to convert for your own personal reasons , then you should refrain
from entering marriage.Even if he says he will marry you as a christian, you have to consider that he has changed from the person you knew for 13 years. I would be very careful in your decision.

CKhalvashi

gravitytolls wrote: »

Tis true there are some similarities, Jews also believe in the existence of Jesus. But the fundamental difference is that Christians believe Jesus is God.

This is true; my children are both Orthodox Christian, as am I (male), SK (female) is Jewish, and whilst it's not an argument as such, it was the formation of a small amount of debating when we had the children (who were both born in a largely Orthodox country, in exactly the same way as we were.)

My advice here to OP is to think about the full impact of the relationship, weighing up the options. I also feel that a certain amount of counselling would be good for both sides here.

CK

Kaybenson

Panda78 wrote: »

1) My relationship of 13 years is over because i will not convert to Islam. I'm Christian. I don't go to church

2) religion does not structure my day as it does for Muslims, but i do believe in God.

3) I recently suggested we get married as i know "living in sin" is a big no-no, so i thought this would please him now he is following his religion again. Rather than planning a wedding, we are now splitting up, as i do not want to convert to Islam.

4) Even though he is allowed to marry a Christian, he doesn't want this and wants us to lead "one path". We don't have children - he has kids from a previous marriage. He didn't want more kids and i reluctantly accepted this as i had a step-family with this children.

5) At 34, single life is scary and i doubt i could find another partner in time to have children.

If this is a true life story, dont lose hope, there is always light in the tunnel.

I have some problem with this scenario.

1) Who is a Christian? Christian simply means Christ-like. Someone who follows the precept of Jesus and Apostles and this involve going to church.

2) Religion structures the way of a true Christian as well.

3) I cant just comprehend this. Only a very practising Christian will understand the words '' Living in sin'' . I am lost here!

4)His religion or family?

5) There is always a second chance. I know of a lady who met her husband at 48 and married and give birth at 49.

margaretclare

Kaybenson wrote: »

If this is a true life story, dont lose hope, there is always light in the tunnel.

I have some problem with this scenario.

1) Who is a Christian? Christian simply means Christ-like. Someone who follows the precept of Jesus and Apostles and this involve going to church.

2) Religion structures the way of a true Christian as well.

Yes, but not in the same way that Islam does for its followers. Jesus had a few hard words for the religious zealots of his day, although not about Islam - that hadn't been invented. He said 'My yoke is easy, my burden is light'. One example was when he was criticised for doing things on 'the Sabbath'.

With Islam, you are told when to pray, and this is 5 times between very early morning and late in the evening. How to pray. What words to say - in Arabic. What to eat. What to wear. Personal hygiene - how to wash yourself before prayer. A whole raft of things like this. It really is a full-time commitment. I can understand how the OP feels - some years ago I had the opportunity of converting but I'd seen enough of it to decide it wasn't for me.

3) I cant just comprehend this. Only a very practising Christian will understand the words '' Living in sin'' . I am lost here!

OK. A fairly old-fashioned idea in modern terms, but it used to be known a few decades ago. It goes back to the idea that sexual activity should be within marriage, and that marriage should have been in church therefore blessed by God. The idea occurs within all the main religions, but in 'sharia' i.e. Islamic law the penalties can be draconian. People pay for this with their lives. Examples occur quite often in world news.

4)His religion or family?

Not sure what you mean by this. Religion and family are very closely-connected in Islam. Following 'one path' would imply that they're all doing the same thing.

5) There is always a second chance. I know of a lady who met her husband at 48 and married and give birth at 49.

5. Yes, agreed. It's possible that the OP's partner has made her feel 'oh you'll never get another chance now you've been with me all these years'. Part of the mental control that some blokes feel they can exert. Especially an older man like this - he's in his 50s, she's 34, so he may have always been 'controlling' to some extent.

Someone mentioned earlier in the thread that men from Islamic countries like the freedom they get in the West, but they still expect to keep the control over women that the Islamic religion gives them. So, what's good for the gander isn't what's good for the goose. I suppose we can see that with the difference in clothing styles. Men may dress as everyone else does here, women as if they're still in a hot country but more wrapped up.

quinechinoise

Kaybenson wrote: »

I have some problem with this scenario.

1) Who is a Christian? Christian simply means Christ-like. Someone who follows the precept of Jesus and Apostles and this involve going to church.

2) Religion structures the way of a true Christian as well.

3) I cant just comprehend this. Only a very practising Christian will understand the words '' Living in sin'' . I am lost here!

4)His religion or family?

5) There is always a second chance. I know of a lady who met her husband at 48 and married and give birth at 49.

I think you need to take some of what the OP has written in context, rather than literally. She's the lapsed-Christian bidey-in of a currently devout Muslim. God can hear her prayers, whether she's in church at the time or not, and He doesn't turn away from any of us. She is now falling short of her partner's elevated expectations and he's not willing to compromise. That man has forgotten that there are no perfect people, only perfect intentions. How he's planning to square that with his new view of religion, I really cannot guess, but that's between him and God. I don't think you can earn moral brownie points by looking down at others (which is what he's now doing): God can surely see inside your heart, not just the facade you present to the world.

But I definitely agree with your last point - there's always a second chance. She has time to find fresh happiness, whether or not that includes children.

andygb

margaretclare wrote: »

Someone mentioned earlier in the thread that men from Islamic countries like the freedom they get in the West, but they still expect to keep the control over women that the Islamic religion gives them. So, what's good for the gander isn't what's good for the goose. I suppose we can see that with the difference in clothing styles. Men may dress as everyone else does here, women as if they're still in a hot country but more wrapped up.

Yes, I completely stand by this, a rather fine example being a very famous racehorse owner, and the way he dresses and behaves over here, in contrast to his behaviour back home in Saudi Arabia.
Not all men from Islamic backgrounds are like this, but it seems to be very noticeable from certain countries - Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, African Islamic states, and it usually happens when they are followers of Sunni Wahhabism, a very extreme form of Islam, where the women is very much seen as a second class citizen.
In these situations, the woman is more likely to wear the burkha - "good hejab", rather than be seen in Western clothes. There are then of course all the other "requirements" which combine to further subjugate the woman.