Living together - financial arguments

rchddap1

My love for my partner is unconditional. Its not on the condition that he doesn't sleep with another. There are no conditions. I love him. Full stop, end of.

But a part of my love is also trust. The trust that he loves me just as much as I love him and that he will never want to be with anyone else. I trust that he will work with me as a partner to develop our family and improve our life together.

Edinburghlass_2

i only read this thread yesterday and as the thread unraveled I reckoned you were taking on board what people were saying and were actually just wanting confirmation of what you already had decided.

now i'm not so sure as the last couple of pages you seem to defend him in every post. i don't mean to offend but although this is a bunch of strangers here, do you find yourself defending his actions to your friends, family and your son? again, please don't be offended but have you perhaps brought this here because your friends no longer want to hear it as you maybe aren't listening to what they say?

whats the saying, none so blind as cannot see?

i wish you well, but I wouldn't give him two hours, let alone two weeks!

meanycath

I suppose I just want to make sure that I have been fair in portraying his side. So that any replies can be honest and fair. I want an honest, fair opinion on exactly as it is as anything else is distorting the truth.

I haven't spoken to my family about him at all - they are elderly and I couldn't burden them with my problems. The only friend I have confided in is the one I mentioned earlier and she says she understandsmy BF's point of view as I own my own home and don't rent, my BF would naturally expect to gain an investment over time. She also thinks because my BF has some imput into my son's life that I am lucky!

So, I guess that's why I ended up posting here.

As for not listening.... I've spent 2 and a half years listening to someone telling me that I'm being unreasonable, I'm being selfish, I can't do anything right, he's so wonderful etc. etc. So, it is very difficult to actually take on board everything that has been said on this board. It's been quite a shock and to be honest, I'm coming to terms with everything that has been said to me and I still can't quite believe it. Everybody that knows us as a couple tells me how lucky I am to have my BF as he's so charming and friendly.

rchddap1

Just because he's friendly to other people it doesn't mean that he not a completely different person in private. I'm sure that there are many here who will be able to confirm that (although I can't from experience).

In contrast to your bf my partner is always telling me that he loves me, that I'm wonderful etc...and that he doesn't deserve me. If he sat there saying that I'm selfish, unreasonable, etc... I'd ask him why he stays with me if I'm such a bad person. You are not unreasonable and certainly far from selfish. You are protecting the future of both yourself and more importantly your son.

At the end of the day as long as you are happy then that is all that matters, and right from post number 1 it was obvious that you were not.

Curry_Queen

Cath, you don't happen to watch Corrie do you? (dare I admit that I do :eek:)


Well, if you do you may have been following the storyline of Shelly and her BF (forget his name now - builder guy) where he has been emotionally blackmailing and mentally abusing her for some time now. He is so subtle that she has no idea, yet bit by bit he is eroding her confidence and self-esteem. He's even alienated her from her friends/family to maintain control.

This is what guys like him do, and believe me (think I mentioned it previously) by the time you realise what's going on, the damage is done and you are left in a complete and utter mess. I'm still trying to undo damage done to me 20 years ago by a similar guy (the one I mentioned previously). I've also spent the last 6-7 years as a single parent because I no longer trust guys (sorry to all the good ones out there ) but that's how you could end up too if you let him continue.

I know it's hard for you and suddenly facing up to the cold, brutal fact that he's not who you thought he was must be a terrible shock. You may also be thinking that we're just a bunch of names on a PC screen so why trust us

But think about it ... we can't all be wrong surely?

Spendless

meanycath wrote:

Everybody that knows us as a couple tells me how lucky I am to have my BF as he's so charming and friendly.

But Cath you've only confided in one person as to what is happening. She doesn't share that view and fair enough she knows him and we don't but it is one persons view.

Do you have any siblings? Cousins? That you could talk things over with?

Glad

cath
I don't think you'd be posting here and keeping up this thread if you didn't have serious doubts, even a close friends opinion hasn't made you sure you want him,
if you really are meant to be together and he loves you as much as he says he would move out, give you some space and let you decide with no pressure

elona

Cath

Some friend :):)

Bossyboots

meanycath wrote:

Everybody that knows us as a couple tells me how lucky I am to have my BF as he's so charming and friendly.

My mum thinks my friend's husband walks on water because he helped them out when my dad was poorly. He is charming and friendly and couldn't do enough for them, contacting me and waiting with them at the hospital until I arrived.

In truth he is a serial adulterer who cannot be bothered with his wife, children and home and has taken them to the brink of bankruptcy with his spending on himself and his "ladies".

It is how he is with you and your son that counts. I haven't read all of the posts here in the last couple of days and did not post before because the advice you were getting was so good I did not feel I could add anything else. Only you truly know how you feel but please do not make the mistake of staying with him because other people think he is wonderful and a good catch. You should go with your instincts, it is your life that could be ruined, no theirs.

elona

Cath


It sounds as if the friend whose opinion you asked has very low standards of expected behaviour from men.

If you can get yourself out more and talk to other people then it may help you get a more balanced view.

Please use the lets (or other) scheme so you can feel less isolated.

If BF gets round you and stays a bit longer then do not feel embarrassed to keep posting as you will need all the support that you can get.