Living together - financial arguments

Glad

cath been following this thread and can't really add anything to the great advice you have been given and seem to be following,


addy is right there is no mention of 'love' but I did notice you mention the below

meanycath wrote:

...........But he is very bossy and aggressive.....

and if you have picked up on this before he has moved in, then you are doing the right thing making sure this relationship goes no further,

good luck

elona

Stay strong cath as I am sure he will be doing everything he can to make you change your mind.

Good Luck.:):):)

rchddap1

He'll try everything in the book, and then some to try and get you to change your mind. Just be careful and make sure that he is actually collecting his things and packing them ready to move. You don't want to get to the day for him to announce "no I'm not leaving".

Curry_Queen

How was this weekend Cath, are you coping ok hun?

Thinking of you xxxx

meanycath

Hi all,

Love? Believe me when I say I fell for him big time, but as time goes on and different things have happened or been said then I start to question if I love him. I don't believe you can really love someone who doesn't see you as an equal. the problem is that he insists he does see me as his equal but his behaviour as made me question that.

As for whether he is lying about his past career or his public school. We went to his old school reunion last summer - so unless everyone there was also lying to me, then I think he must be telling the truth. I know he was in the merchant navy as his family have talked about it and also that I've seen telegrams that he sent to his Mum from the ship. I can't honestly say if he was definetely an officer or exactly how old he was. He tells me he was at college at Fleetwood for a while before he actually went to sea. I honestly don't believe he lied to me and "bigged up" his past as he has also told me about the times he was in prison and what an awful husband and father he was.

As for him making plans to leave - he doesn't seem to be making any! He is just being Mr charm. He took my son to his daughters birthday party yesterday for an hour. This is something we had a big row about last year as he thought it was correct for me to dump my son with his ex (who has never spoken to me or my son) for 2 hours while he "popped in" on the party for half an hour. It was made quite clear I wasn't invited. So my son didn't go last year.

At the end of the day, I am going to put my foot down on this one. He has to be shown that I am not a doormat but I know it will be hard because at the end of the day I want a "family" more than anything and it's hard not to just settle for second best because I am always wondering if anyone else would be any better anyway.

elona

Cath

With this man - you would never be a "family" - you and your son would be pawns or property to be used as it suits him.

Please do not let the idea "he is changing" get to you - he is altering his behaviour so he can stay and have everything done for him.

If he really respected you or saw you as an equal then he would be making real plans to move out and give you some space so you did not feel pressurised.
When you wonder if anyone else would be any better anyway - you have only been in two relationships - think about some of the men who have posted on this thread - none of them have supported him- there really are decent guys out there - the big secret is that they turn up when you are not looking for them and you are happy in yourself.

Get yourself to classes and use lets for babysitting so you can feel good about yourself- if you can get away from this guy and give yourself some time and activity that makes you feel you have accomplished something- you will not believe how different you feel.

Spendless

Cath - you already are a family - you and your son.

And there are plenty of decent blokes out there too.

The places where I don't totally beleive him are nothing to do with his former career or where he went to school.

It's the

"I was sleeping with my ex with every other girlfriend apart from you Cath".

"I can't afford to let you have £150" -which eventually turns into £450.

"I only earn £16K"- but as a another member pointed out from this he employs staff.

"The other female was just a friend" till he slips up and mentions kissing her - and then it was only twice.

I'm also not totally convinced that he really is sleeping in a port-a-cabin each night

elona

Cath
when he phones you from the portakabin - how can you tell that that is where he is calling from?

Or if there is some way that you can tell then how do you know he has not popped in there to call you and then go somewhere else.

meanycath

Hi,

I have caller display so can see which phone number he is calling me from (even if I didn't have it, I could dial 1471). He has a landline at the portacabin, so I know that is the number.

How do I know he hasn't just popped in and phoned me then gone somewhere else? I don't.

Spendless

meanycath wrote:

He never said he couldn't afford to give me £150 - he said he wanted to get an investment for that £150. He showed me his wages and I worked it out that it would be tight for him to pay the £150, maintenance for his kids and the mortgage he currently has. At that time I did not take into account any tips or cash which he says he has only just calculated and he has given me the £450 total figure.



Catherine x

At the point he showed you his wage slips he must have already known about the extra in tips and cash which make an extra £300 per week!!

You don't suddenly stumble on an extra £1200 a month and you've not already realised it!!

I'd be more inclined to beleive the port-a-cabin business if I beleived the rest of stuff about him - I don't!

Cath - this is exactly what my friend is doing - each time I point out a glaring blip in what he has said, she gives some reason to justify or excuse it!

Best wishes