Living together - financial arguments

culpepper

Cath if you dont point out to him that he isnt moving his stuff out, he is just not going to.
He's thinking ,what are you going to do about it if in 2 weeks he isnt gone?
Tell him to get some of his boxes and stick his stuff in it or you will.
Honestly I think if you dont sound like you really mean it, he isnt going anywhere.
If you really want him out you might have to say you will ring the police if he is refusing to go.

I dont doubt he is a public schoolboy or joined the navy,it is the wife situation that does not ring true with me.
He took your son to his sons birthday party because you didnt take him yourself and he wanted him and you to comply. Dont you feel that his wife is the rich lady and your paper son is invited to the grand house (what a privelidge )

I can understand you wanting to put his side of things but I think you are making huge allowances for this mercenary bloke who will still be looking about for vulnerable ladies long after he has taken you and your son to the cleaners.
He is so charming because despite his being a liar , other people have no evidence of that.They see his 'what a man should be' mask but never see what 'this man' truly is. I know someone very similar. He comes from a middle class background with private schooling too. I think these people have been given unrealistic expectations of their future lives and find they are never going to gain all they thought they would ,by fair means. Hard graft is not in their vocabulary.

margaretclare

culpepper wrote:

Cath if you dont point out to him that he isn't moving his stuff out, he is just not going to.

He is so charming because despite his being a liar , other people have no evidence of that.They see his 'what a man should be' mask but never see what 'this man' truly is. I know someone very similar. He comes from a middle class background with private schooling too. I think these people have been given unrealistic expectations of their future lives and find they are never going to gain all they thought they would, by fair means. Hard graft is not in their vocabulary.

Oh yes, absolutely. The picture of my late father to a 'T'. They actually look down on hard-working ordinary people. 'Unrealistic expectations' is it, I couldn't have put it better. They think that somehow they're owed a better living than the rest of us who graft for it. They climb on to the backs of anyone and everyone to get what they feel they're owed, from their upbringing and background.

Cath, I cannot comprehend why you've given him 2 weeks to move out. He's talked about you 'kicking him on to the street', but he does have a Portakabin to sleep in, doesn't he? And that Portakabin has a phone, so it must be reasonably livable-in. I've worked in Portakabins, in fact years ago I worked for the company that originally designed them. And they were meant to be a basic space that could be turned into anything you wanted. So he's not going to be sleeping in shop doorways, or down the homeless shelter. And he's not a tenant of yours so you have no obligation to give him proper notice. Tell him to go - and go now!

Aunty Margaret

pandas66

But I thought he wasn't living with her now.(Officially) so why should he have so many posessions to move out?

elona

panda

I would think he has a lot to remove because he has been trying to "get his feet under the table" - in fact he is trying to get the table and half the house as well!

pandas66

I know he has, the fiend ! But the post started with her saying he wanted to move in and set up and this is the result of whether she should let him or not, so I have to presume they are commiting fraud as was mentioned before. Cath watch your step love as the ex might be keeping tabs on your habits too.

Curry_Queen

He may also be reading this board

rchddap1

Would it matter if he was? We have been giving our thoughts and advice on the information given. But I think that deep down Cath already knew what she had to do, but just lacked the courage to do it. All of us lot rushing to her defence hopefully made her feel a lot better about herself.

pandas66

If he was to be reading this it may make him realise what she's thinking, he may not entirely know. It is very difficult to articulate to someone just how/why and so on it affects you. He may be the type of person she can't get a word in edge ways, or that he dismisses her and then she gets tongue tied etc it can all snowball into submission. Its quite difficult to keep a level head when emotions get involved. Keep focused on what you really want and don't budge an inch. Get it and you've won, compromise too much and you'll never end up with the respect from him that you deserve.

filigree_2

All those tales of con artist boyfriends sent a shiver up my spine. I had a manipulative compulsive liar for a boyfriend many years ago. He had debts equal to his annual salary by the time was 19, he stole his mother's ATM card, he pretended to have leukaemia to get sympathy, he claimed that his ex died in a car crash while pregnant with his child. He even stole my possessions to sell and turned on the waterworks about HIS problems when I caught him out! Is this ringing bells with any of you?

With hindsight I really believe he was mentally ill. These days there is more recognition that shopaholics need expert help but back then (especially in the Yuppie 80's) it was seen as perfectly normal for young men to flash cash around and no-one wondered how the heck they could afford it.

In a way I was very lucky to survive that experience when I was young and since then I'm super vigilant about avoiding that sort of personality.

meanycath

If my BF was reading this he would be horrified! He would say that I am taking his comments out of context and distorting the truth.

I've just been sitting behind him on the road (me in my car) and him in his van. Whenever he is a passenger in my car (often) he critisises me if I drive 2mph over the speed limit. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not condoning speeding. But he has just been doing 55mph in a 40mph limit. I spoke to him about it and his excuse? He's in a rush because he's late for an appointment! It has made me realise how much critisism I get from him and it's no wonder I have no self esteem.

I'm going to speak to him again tonight about moving out and see what he says. As for his stuff here. He doesn't own much but most of it is here. Yes, he got his feet under the table and I assumed this was OK because I honestly thought he would be OK about finding the £600 per month.