Living together - financial arguments

rchddap1

Jellyhead, perhaps cath should stick bf on the naughty bench as it was last night.

margaretclare

Hi Cath

Two points jumped out at me from your post. He raised his voice and said 'This is getting really boring'. So he's hoping that you'll be intimidated by raising his voice and will do the 'silly little woman' thing and just cave in.

The other thing was where he said 'Why don't you let me look after you'. I had to giggle at this. It's straight out of Jane Austen's day, or Casaubon in 'Middlemarch' (been listening to the 'Woman's Hour' serial). Little woman, incapable of dealing with the big world, needs a man to do it for her.

It could be comforting - abdicate all responsibility, ask his advice about every single thing, let him make all decisions, just switch off your brain, sit back. BUT you'd have lost all control over your life, and as someone else said, you'd be like Shelley in 'Corrie' and the builder Charlie. She's a pub manager for heaven's sake, but when he's around she's like a shivering jelly, and this storyline has been going on for months now with no end in sight. OK, she went through a bad experience with her 'dream wedding' which turned out to be to a bigamist...like you she wants the comfort of someone to be on her side and to love her - but the price is alienation from her mother, her best friend and anyone else who attempts to tell her the truth because they can see through the muscular and bossy Charlie (who, like your guy with the driving, has one rule for himself and one that he expects her to adhere to).

Honestly - is this the 21st century or isn't it? What were we doing, all those marches we went on in the early 1970s - was it all a complete waste of time? Mind, I think it was Betty Friedan who said something to the effect that women would have to 'reinvent the wheel' every generation...'Look after you', indeed! You've shown yourself to be more than capable of 'looking after yourself' and your son until he hove on to the horizon! Like I said, he's pulling out all the stops, using every gambit he has, everything in his armoury.

Throw it back at him. 'Yes, I agree this is getting really really boring. I'm sick and tired of it. I've had enough. There's the door - go through it! Your belongings are outside on the doorstep. Goodbye'.

Cath - why don't you just do it?

Best wishes

Aunty Margaret

meanycath

jellyhead wrote:

cath, surely he can't vote anyway, he needed to be on the electoral roll before now, i doubt it could be arranged even if he moved in with you officially today! does this mean he's been dodging council tax for the past few years too, not registered anywhere and not paying?

Yes, that's exactly right. He really does want a roof over his head and none of the commitments (don't we all!) but at the end of the day nobody has handed me a roof and no committments so I have to put up with it. Why should he be any different? You can understand why he has been so reluctant to hand over any more than a token gesture because when you get a roof over your head (provided by me and ex GF's and then a few nights in a portacabin), you really don't want to have to part with your hard earned cash when you've been "blagging it" all these years.

meanycath

Aunty Marg,

I've pm'd you.

swampytiggaa

meanycath wrote:

Yes, that's exactly right. He really does want a roof over his head and none of the commitments (don't we all!) but at the end of the day nobody has handed me a roof and no committments so I have to put up with it. Why should he be any different? You can understand why he has been so reluctant to hand over any more than a token gesture because when you get a roof over your head (provided by me and ex GF's and then a few nights in a portacabin), you really don't want to have to part with your hard earned cash when you've been "blagging it" all these years.

:j you are starting to sound angry now
:j which is a positive in my book!

:beer: must have a virtual beer sometime

meanycath

I seem to go from angry one day (Monday) to calm (yesterday) to positive (today). I hope tomorrow won't be sad and lonely!

I think a lot of my anger is towards myself. Anger at letting these 2 men treat me so badly. All I've ever tried to do is the best by everyone else and I've been kicked in the teeth and taken advantage of and yet they say they're the ones helping me!!!

Anyway, I'm determined not to feel sorry for myself today - I've sent my boss the e-mail about changing my working hours and I'm going to try and find someone for me to have a cup of tea with this afternoon and some company for my little man.

Virtual beer sounds good - none of the calories or alcohol or cost of the real thing! have a vodka and orange please. :rotfl:

swampytiggaa

well then - as it is lunchtime i will join you with a large gin and tonnic [hic]

stay positive - and keep posting we are all friends here

pandas66

Indulge in the anger for a while as its not always destructive energy, it can bring reality of what you posted - you do do so much for others. The positive feeling is good, now build on that. The negative day when you could cave in is the one to watch ! Its the day when you surround yourself with tea n sympathy - on here or even realilty. You gotta reconise the days. Mines a vodka n diet coke (large) thank you very much xxxxxx

nicecuppatea_3

That's it Cath - positive thinking works wonders. And don't worry about being 'sad and lonely', sounds like you'd still be sad and lonely with this guy - and miserable, poorer, disempowered and wondering where he is and with whom every time he's out of sight. He's already a self-confessed two-timer.

“Why don't you just let me look after you”.

? This is the LAST bloke you want 'looking after you'. 'Oh, Mr Darcy!' What century are we in? He can't even look after himself apparently and Cath, it'd give him POWER over you AND your boy. He's shown himself to be petulant, selfish, and bullying with a highly questionable attitude to your son and where your house/money is concerned, dangerously grasping and probably (no, certainly - didn't you say he'd done time?) a law breaker willing to make you one, too - do you (and the lad) really want to be beholden to someone like this? NEVER give up your independence to anyone, you sound like you've got a head on your shoulders Cath, you know it makes sense. You're the one with EVERYTHING to lose and NOTHING to gain (he's not even making you happy is he?) he is exactly the other way around, he has nothing to lose and everything to gain. Have you tried making a list, what you'd each be gaining/losing? No wonder he's digging your garden - see of you can get him to decorate the bathroom and repoint the chimney - then kick him out!

meanycath

Does anyone know if you can change your user name on here? I originally chose "meanycath" because my BF is always saying I'm mean!

Since I found this site, I've realised that I'm not tight or mean, I'm just sensible with money and not wasteful.

Does anyone know if it's possible to do? I'll let you know the new name of course!