Living together - financial arguments

culpepper

Wow its boring because he doesnt want to hear it. If he ignores it, it will all go away and he can plough on with his plans unhampered by boring old you!
That really says it all.
He wants the life style (hotel style living) and the comfort of having his cake and eating it. You are just a means to an end.

If he is not on the electoral role , I think he quite possibly is commiting fraud right now in one way or another and certainly would not want to connect myself to him (birds of a feather , flock together). What else is he avoiding?

As far as ex hub goes, let the solicitor sort out child support or you wont get anything at all. He can well afford it if he has all that wealth,he thinks if it goes through a solicitor, his income will be closely scrutinised but if he offers you £5 measley pounds a week, you will shut up and go away.. I think you must be a very amiable ,empathic and easy going lady Cath and some men just take advantage of that. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile.

Public (and private) schools are great at turning out confident people.Mostly they come from affluent backgrounds and are expected to become high flying proffessionals. Some of them have families who are deep in debt (my OH was from one of these) but live the lifestyle anyway,possibly remortgaging 3 or 4 times along the way. The only guarantee for their childrens future is that they have been 'educated well' and so 'SHOULD' do alright. So when John or Jane leaves school at 16 with a small handful of GCSE's they could have got from any comprehensive, they feel abandoned (as did my OH) and tricked ,having been led to believe dear old daddy would see them alright if the worst came to the worst and only discovering afterwards that he doesnt have two farthings to rub together.In OH's case,he had to wake up to the real world at 21 and train in an ordinary job and has worked hard ever since. But some dont want to wake up ,they still want to get rich quick and at anyone elses expense.

sarahlouise210

The main problem here is that the tax credit system is ruining the institution of marriage(or even living as a family)! The tax credits given to single parents are so high that it is a serious issue to live with or marry someone as you would no longer be entitled to a huge chunk of your monthly income. It is true that in some cases the tax credits being received equal a full time wage and as such it is a big decision for the recipient of the tax credits to give up what is effectively their income because they choose to live with someone else who`s income although still coming into the family home is not their own. It is not really a case of Meanycath saying that she is "charging " her boyfriend £150.00 per week to live with her, just that by the fact of them living together she will be £150.00 worse off and accordingly he will have to cover the loss. No-one wants to be worse off financially not even for love-and the boyfriend who has not been receiving the tax credits equally does not want to hand over £600 of his income-his wages! It will of course not be"for nothing" as you will become a family and will soon adjust.. if you were to get married he would be entitled to a share of the house anyway. good luck

trafalgar_2

meanycath wrote:

Does anyone know if you can change your user name on here? I originally chose "meanycath" because my BF is always saying I'm mean!

Since I found this site, I've realised that I'm not tight or mean, I'm just sensible with money and not wasteful.

Does anyone know if it's possible to do? I'll let you know the new name of course!

no ,sorry the only person that can change it is admin....................you could re-register in another name:D

Curry_Queen

meanycath wrote:

Does anyone know if you can change your user name on here? I originally chose "meanycath" because my BF is always saying I'm mean!

Since I found this site, I've realised that I'm not tight or mean, I'm just sensible with money and not wasteful.

Does anyone know if it's possible to do? I'll let you know the new name of course!

I'm so glad you've come to this decision yourself Cath :T ... as it's something I often wanted to mention but didn't for fear of offending you

If you drop an email to one of the board guides (think Glad does this one) they'll be able to advise you further


... and congrats on becoming a new woman!!!!


Edit: crossed reply with Traf ... sorry

Edinburghlass_2

cath, the longer the thread goes on the more details you are giving out, now we know the area you are from. Its not only "us" but the hundreds of other non-registered users who read these forums.

You started by saying that he only stayed over a couple of nights, however, it would appear that to throw him out he is actually living there. This is fraud on your part of your tax credits, do you really want to go down this road.

It wouldn't be the first time on MSE that someone has been recognised by a family member/neighbour etc, I would think very carefully before you disclose much more of your background.

rchddap1

She could always edit the offending posts if she chooses.

Edinburghlass_2

rchddap1 wrote:

She could always edit the offending posts if she chooses.

Please don't misunderstand me I am not saying that they are offending posts but look at the number of views this thread has had and the amount of information that has been given.

All it needs is an ex, neighbour, workmate to be reading it and a quick phone call to the tax credit office with this information....

rchddap1

I know. I just thought it would be worthwhile mentioning that she can change the posts, so anyone new to this thread wouldn't see any detailed information. Didn't mean that it was wrong to post it, but just thought that this was the simplest way to refer to the sections of cath's posts that refer to more detailed information

nicecuppatea_3

Yeah, Cath - 5 snotty quid??? - your ex is 'avin' a larf! No wonder he wants to sort out your divorce 'amicably' - meaning without solicitors poking their noses into his affairs and stirring things up for him!! Which they would and could since this property he has (not his primary residence, I take it?) and the rent he gets is traceable and he'd be forced to declare it. Another thought, don't want to worry you but in the event of the CSA (ha ha!) getting out of ex what you're entitled to (alot more than a fiver!), could he get difficult about custody of your son? Just thinking ahead but could he use your relationship with bf (given he's not exactly pure as the driven snow - he has form after all) or the the fact you could be (albeit unwittingly) committing benefit fraud with your bf at your house, against you? I suggest you do see a solicitor pronto or at least go to the Citizens Advice, I believe they sometimes have solicitors there or, if you're on any kind of benefit, you can get legal advice for free. I expect you'd be entitled to Legal Aid. (You really need to get eveything to do with a divorce settlement signed, sealed and legally watertight, I bet you don't really know what you're entitled to if you've been doing it yourself). So far (concerning bf staying at your house) you're in the clear unless someone grasses you up and your ex, you say, is in trouble for benefit fraud himself but could he get spiteful? Perhaps you could use this to back up your case to get your bf out, even if only to yourself.

jellyhead

do tax credits ever find out about the fraud though? i know someone who's living with a boyfriend who's working full time, he's been there since xmas and tax credits haven't been told. she works part time and gets tax credits accordingly. hubby wants to grass them up but i'm undecided (opinions welcomed, but i don't want to hijack cath's thread) - it's amazing that he pays tax at her address but the tax office paying her tax credits haven't twigged that she's not actually the single parent she claims to be. but i wouldn't know where or who to grass up to anyhow.

mind you cath, i wouldn't let the fact that they don't seem to catch anyone at fraud stop you from worrying about it. if caught it will be the fact that his stuff is there and he stays over that makes you guilty, his not paying you won't be considered too much, you'll be found guilty anyway. are you paying single persons council tax too? be very careful, people in my town have gone to prison for benefit fraud this month, even single parents. he's not paying you so you really don't want to be caught out and blamed for his being there ....