My 4 year old son has been excluded from school!! End of my tether!!

maverickangel

Big hug for you!

Four is very young to get to grips with the remorseless institutionalisation of the school system. All this big deal about what width of pen to use. Would it really have brought the world to an end if the teacher had given him the pen he preferred to use? I think not.

As for trashing the Head's office. Clearly that's not acceptable, but I would suspect your son was so wound up by the way he'd been treated at school that he'd reached "melt down". Most 4 year olds do if subjected to enough stress.

Unless you as a parent have concerns that he may have some sort of diagnosable disorder, then I would suspect a meeting with the Head to discuss how they work with your son, and how they could work more effectively with him, would be far more beneficial than going down the "diagnosis" route.

It would be worth checking what they are giving him to do, as well. DD is 3, but currently doing key stage 1 work with me at home, as pre-school just bores her senseless. If the work is way below his ability, he will be bored and behave accordingly. Similarly, many 4 year olds don't question instructions. As a bright child he does, so I do wonder if the teachers reason with him, or just enter into a "yes you will" / "no I won't" type scenario.

He sounds like a very intelligent child, who finds it difficult to cope with the weird and wonderful ways of school. If it's any consolation, I had similar problems when his age.

Best of luck.

natmour

The only thing that I could think of is Autism? After doing school experience there was a boy there wth Autism and he would get stressed etc if things weren't in his routine, however speaking to the teacher apprently there was no acting up at home and that he was fine. Also some Autistic people can be very intelligent. Maybe a set routine could be used?

Or if he is just bored with his schooling working, maybe the teachers should set him higher level work to keep his mind active. Also the use of behaviour charts could be used to gain rewards.

I really feel for you, I hope things sort themselves out.

clairehi

I second SarahSaver that the head teacher is breaking all the rules in excluding your son without written notice. you could ask the school for a copy of their exclusions policy which they are required to have. you could complain to the governors and LEA but this may jsut cause you more trouble with the school in the long run.

My DS1 was also "informally" (and probably illegally) excluded from school in reception class age 5, only 4 weeks after starting school after he had been in a fight with another child with acknowledged behaviour problems. Its a long story but I think it was a warning sign that that school were not able to cope with the situation.

DS1 is in a different school and thriving now, age 8, on the G&T register, etc. However my DS2, who is 6, has been in and out of trouble ever since he started school, with disruptive behavior. Our school have involved the pupil referral unit outreach team to provide extra support and help, by stating that he is under threat of exclusion. He has a 1 hour 1-2-1 session with a specialist counsellor/TA once a week which is to help with his behaviour and avoid the possibility of exclusion. Your school (if in England) I think could be seeking help from the PRU for your son. If they are not sufficiently on the ball ( which may be the case given their attitude so far) they may not realise this. CAMS/ed psych may be aware of help available from the PRU?

My DS2 is also bright, age 6 he enjoys reading Horrid Henry to himself (idenitfies with the antihero!) and hates phonics which he says is boring as it is too easy. I think phonics is a waste of time for children who are good readers. We have a review meeting with the PRU on Monday and also our CAMS assessment in 2 weeks which will be interesting, I defy any psychologist to get inside the head of DS....

Sarahsaver

The thing is if you need support from an ed psych, the RECORDING of exclusions will help you get support. If he has not officially been excluded then there will be less of a perceived need for extra help.
Also if you are asked to bring your child home (unofficial illegal exclusion) and then you are seen outside of the home with your child by police/truanncy officers, you are technically breaking the law because the school have made your child become a truant IYSWIM. :eek:
you should complain to the governors AND the LA, they are there for everyone involved in the school, not just yes men and women for the Head.

JimmyTheWig

Feisty_Fairy wrote: »

We are very careful about what our boys eat and drink and try and be as additive free etc as possible, he is 5 at the end of july and one of the youngest in the class, he started in sept last year and did 2 half days then full time, prior to that he was in private nursery as i worked full time, then went to private nursery in the mornings and then to the school nursery in the afternoons.

I now work around the boys school times so take them to and collect them both from school as i felt this was important.

The nursery said he was strong willed and we had a few episodes but nothing out of the ordinary.

He now goes to martial arts/self defence classes to try and channel his energy, he enjoys this and to begin with behaved very well but of late has been acting silly and pushing the boundaries a little.

Supermarket staff? He seems fine, why?

Full time school at 4y+2m? Maybe part of his problem was that it was too much too soon? As has been said, all kids are different.
In our borough they all go into reception in the relevant September, but some are part time for a term and some (like yours would have been with a July birthday) are part time for two terms.
Though if he was at day nursery before this (presumably with no significant problems) then I doubt the hours are an issue for him.

The only reason I asked about supermarket staff as it was the first example that came to mind of interaction with other adults. Wondered if he had a problem with "adults" which manifested in a problem with teachers.

Would the school let you sit in on a lesson / day in his classroom? Not necessarily sitting with him, but being there to (a) observe and (b) intervene if appropriate?
You may notice something that the teachers don't.

Feisty_Fairy

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Full time school at 4y+2m? Maybe part of his problem was that it was too much too soon? As has been said, all kids are different.
In our borough they all go into reception in the relevant September, but some are part time for a term and some (like yours would have been with a July birthday) are part time for two terms.
Though if he was at day nursery before this (presumably with no significant problems) then I doubt the hours are an issue for him.

The only reason I asked about supermarket staff as it was the first example that came to mind of interaction with other adults. Wondered if he had a problem with "adults" which manifested in a problem with teachers.

Would the school let you sit in on a lesson / day in his classroom? Not necessarily sitting with him, but being there to (a) observe and (b) intervene if appropriate?
You may notice something that the teachers don't.

Thats a great idea, sitting in on the class may be good, maybe observe from a far so he doesnt notice me:T , will discuss this with them when he is allowed back to school.

My_Fathers_Daughter

Feisty_Fairy

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you - hope everything went well today.

Keep us updated.

MFD x

lhd4

My brother was very disrupitive in primary school, half way through he got a teacher that realized he wasn't being naughty for nauties (that is spelt wrong..maybe..not sure) sake, it turned out he was advanced for his age and bored

Sarahsaver

Feisty_Fairy wrote: »

Thats a great idea, sitting in on the class may be good, maybe observe from a far so he doesnt notice me:T , will discuss this with them when he is allowed back to school.

Sorry if i missed this but how many days have they excluded him for? do you have it in writing? don't let them take you for a ride;)

Feisty_Fairy

Well he is back in school, went in yesterday after a long meeting with psychologist and then school.

We have had it confirmed there is nothing wrong with him, (for want if a better word!, sorry).

He just struggles emotionally with what is being asked of him and instead of making the right choice when offered ie, decide to chill and go back to class, he kicks off and all hell breaks loose!

We are trying to get him to 'chill' and think before he kicks off!

The school have said they will not expell him permanently, thats a long way down the line apparently and they will keep an eye on him and try to help.
They still say however that we let him get away with too much, the example they used was because after he is taken to bed after having a drink and the toilet, that because he gets up again 10 mins later and wants another drink and a wee, i am a bad parent for allowing him to do this!

While we were at school, he apparently was involved in a play ground incident,... well you have never seen anything like it, we were in the office, theres a knock at the door. "come quick its Zachary!" 4/5 members of staff running and shouting (over a 4 year old boy), they brought him in and he lay on the floor and refused to move, so the special needs person!? asked him to follow her to the quiet room, he refused, so she said crawl then, so he did, then she asked him a bit faster, so he did, then sha asked him to walk so he did. Surely that is compromising which we were told not to do!???

Anyway its turns out that he tried to split a fight up (trying to help) and was brought in, (not the 2 boys that were fighting!!!) My argument was, why him?? he did nothing wrong except try to help and they immdediatley blamed him! Is that the way its likely to be from now on, jumping to conclusions all the time and always assume he is to blame!??

Rant over!!!!

Will keep you all updated anyway, thanks again everyone!