My 4 year old son has been excluded from school!! End of my tether!!

annie_d

Oh, don't cry. He has only been on the earth for 4 years. How can he know all the rules?
I fully agree that you are the expert on him. Is there any way you can keep him at home and teach him? He may well not be ready for school yet. Don't despair. If he was your third child you wouldn't feel so bad. It's hard when your child doesn't run with the herd. Stay strong x

Sharra

To be honest his beavhour doesn't seem all that bad for a 4 yr old boy! My 14 yr old gets like that sometimes still! It sounds like he feels that he needs to be in control of his situations - maybe he's stressed and this is his way of feeling secure.
I'm sure I can't be the only one thinking that the school are failing your son here. Teachers should be have ways in place to deal with this. As others have said - he's only 4!! I think in general we expect far too much from our littlies, boys of that age are not programed to sit in a classroom all day. Exclusion should be used for deliberately bad behaviour, not a 4 yr old!
I really hope you get the help you need to deal with this. You really have my sympathy - just don't blame yourself.

clu

Do you have a strict routine at home, where he always knows what is going to happen next? perhaps he reacts that way because he is not expecting it?

"The incidents are all similar, he doesnt want to come in from play time so will start again or doesnt want to listen and join in at music time or p.e (both of which he is good at and enjoys when in the mood), so really nothing noticeable apart from that its when he simply cant have his own way!""

were the pe and music at the same time of the week and in the same place? perhaps they presume it is because he does not have it his own way but it is not when he expects it? Hopefully you will get lots of help from the psychologist but sin for him getting sent home, he is only 4 for goodness sake.

SugarSpun

I was like that as a kid. I was one of those creepy gifted children and I acted out because I was bored and frustrated.

mishmash

HI
I had the very same with my son at 4 (he's now 14) he was excluded at 4 and the head was very clear that she beleived my parenting was the problem thugh I was not having the same problems at home. I took him to the GP she was lovely and said I should not worry and that it was normal behaviour for a little boy, but the school continued to question me. Did I set boundaries, did I smack him or let him watch violent television. I was regularly reduced to tears as was my son who used to say if you loved me you would not make me go to school.

I eventually paid for him to see a private educational psychologist ( the school refused to reffer him to the local authority one), she was great said he had a very High IQ and that he had dyspraxia. She sent some reccomendations to the school about supporting and managing him which they ignored. Eventually I had to complain to the education department. Things got a little better.

He is now at high school, doing really well. He is a peer mentor, attends clubs and has just done his Duke of Edinbugh and doing really well with his schooling. He is a lovely lad who is thriving and contributing to society. Some children do not settle into a school routine well, at 4 they are still babies. Some schools are unable to be flexible and want children to fit into their ways.

I know it is really hard but try not to worry too much it is just ages and stages. You are doing a great job as a Mum from what you have posted.

Many hugs

Mish

andyrules

aimee21j wrote: »

Maybe aspergers?

you took the words from my mouth!

amandada

I know it comes down the education "system" but could it be as simple as at the grand old age of 4 he's just not mature enough for the enforced discipline of school-which has nothing to do with intelligence?

I hate the way that in the UK children are pushed into full time schooling at such an early age, particularly in England/Wales. At least here in Scotland the children are at least 4.5 before they're in school full time, and more often than not, they're nearer 5-5.5

Sarahsaver

My 8 yo. son has been diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD.
it has taken since he was 3, or before then really, I knew there was something different about him.
your child is very young to be coping with school. In many countries formal schooling is not started until the age of 7.
i have 2 boys in school aged 7 and 8 and a 10yo DD who is now home educated.
If the ed psych has not been to do an assessment you have the right to request this.
Check with yyour local Parent Partnership to make surer the school has followed the correct procedure re. the exclusion.
My point of view on this is have they done everything they possibly could to avoid this getting to this situation?
ignore their unhelpful comments about him 'getting away with too much at home'
What about the fact that 'professionals' i.e. the school, are flummoxed by a 4 year old!
i have nearly 8 years experience of teaching 'problem' children at secondary school level, and also several years as a school governor. PM me if you want a chat;)
BTW my little ds plays up a bit at school because he is bored. he hates it when they try to 'teach' him somethin he already knows.

2cats1kid

If it were ADHD, Aspergers etc. wouldn't it would be manifesting itself at home and in other situations, not just at school?

I agree that at 4 some children are ready for the structure of school, but many aren't. My immediate thought was that it is the tail-end of a very long term, and a long year for the Reception kids, and maybe he is just plain shattered and he is at the end of his tether too? I work with kids and a lot of the school age ones are playing up at the moment as they are tired from the term (it's something like a 12 or 13 week term hereabouts - way too long) but they are hyped up because they have sports days, shows, etc. coming up and they just can't handle that combination. Heck, my 10 year old is tired and grumpy too - and so am I LOL.

Maybe he just needs his 6 week holiday?

Sarahsaver

Children do NOT always behave in the same way at home and at school. The same problem can manifest differently depending on the setting. For example I know how to explain things to my son but people in school may not be so clear and direct.
Many teachers make the mistake of believing the behaviour must be alike wherever the child is. a child will respond to what surrounds them, stimuli, rules, people and so on...
Extreme behaviour in one setting does not rule out a deeper problem.
Little DS used to go to a Montessori School part time when he was 3/4 and it was a lot more humane than the state system, 10 to a class, little bed in the corner if they were tired. Prohibitively expensive :eek: