My 4 year old son has been excluded from school!! End of my tether!!

JimmyTheWig

Feisty_Fairy wrote: »

He started a few days ago over the fact that in phonics (first lesson that day) he had been given a thin pen (same as all the other children), he wanted a thick one and so all hell broke loose!

OCD, maybe? Does he "always" have a thick pen for phonics?

Feisty_Fairy

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

OCD, maybe? Does he "always" have a thick pen for phonics?

mmmm, good question, i dont know , will look into that one!

Feisty_Fairy

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

I wondered about ADHD, though don't really know much about it.
I also wondered about diet. Our 4 year old becomes naughty when he has dairy products. (But not naughty to the extent you have described.)

But neither of those explain why he is normal at home.

Presumably we're talking reception, here, and he's nearly five. When did he start school? Was he full time from the start? When did the problems start?
What did he do before he went to school? Did he go to nursery, or pre-school? What was he like there?
What's he like in other situations with peers? (e.g. does he do ballet, or football, or Jo Jingles, etc)
What's he like with other grown ups (e.g. supermarket staff)?

I'd like to think that the psychologist will get to the bottom of it, but if you can have ideas ready that might help.

My thinking is that if there is a difference in behaviour between home and school then the issue is something to do with school rather than something specifically to do with your son.
We have the opposite situation, as it happens. Our son is as good as gold at nursery but is at times a right horror at home. We've recently realised that he has a problem that stems from when our daughter was born.
It's the other way around, but the point is still the same, I think. It's not _him_ it's the situation.

For now, just have a nice few days with your boy. Enjoy the time together. Try to do some "educational" things. Digging for bugs, maybe.

Don't tell him (and certainly don't let anyone else tell him) that he's a naughty boy. If you tell him he is naughty then he will believe you and will behave naughty.
As always, try to praise the good behaviour, ignore the bad, etc. I'm sure you've heard it all before.

We are very careful about what our boys eat and drink and try and be as additive free etc as possible, he is 5 at the end of july and one of the youngest in the class, he started in sept last year and did 2 half days then full time, prior to that he was in private nursery as i worked full time, then went to private nursery in the mornings and then to the school nursery in the afternoons.

I now work around the boys school times so take them to and collect them both from school as i felt this was important.

The nursery said he was strong willed and we had a few episodes but nothing out of the ordinary.

He now goes to martial arts/self defence classes to try and channel his energy, he enjoys this and to begin with behaved very well but of late has been acting silly and pushing the boundaries a little.

Supermarket staff? He seems fine, why?

angie_baby

I feel for you. I dont have much advice.

Im in the same place, have been for 18 months. Its good the school have got the child psycholgist coming in, hopefully they can help.
My DS has been on the list since he was 4. He is now six. I have tried most things, taking his stuff, stopping him playing out, etc. He just does not like school. And quite happily tells me that if he is bad enough he wont have to go to school and i will have too look after him Which i wont be able to as i will just have to work longer hours to pay for the childcare.

Dont let this bring you down though, i know i go through days where it i think 'this is all my fault, im a rubbish mum, etc'

I do think that 4 is very young to be sent home, it cant help his attitude? I would have thought that he is quite happy not to go to school? I also think that in his head he would think 'yep, got to do that again, i get to go home'

Has he said anything about school?

jamieboy

My 10 year old grandson has had this problem all his life, he has been excluded from school holiday clubs, beavers and various other places. Luckily the school he is at now is very supportive and recognise he does have a problem. We have said this from the start but it has been like banging your head against a wall. My daughter and the headmaster got Social Services involved and they are now convinced he has some form of ADHD which is linked to autism and are looking at getting him statemented (which you do have to fight for) this means he will have an adult with him at all times during lessons, the school even paid for this from school funds during his sats and it made a massive difference. I understand where you are coming from with the temper outbursts when he doesn't want to do something because that is exactly how my grandson is, it is awful to witness or be on the receiving end of but after all this time we realise he is not just a naughty child. I hope you and your son get the help you need, to exclude a 4 year old is a disgrace, it is also just passing the problem on to someone else.

aimee21j

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

OCD, maybe? Does he "always" have a thick pen for phonics?

Maybe aspergers?

Diamond78

My son had problems with his co ordination when he was at reception. He couldnt hold a normal pen/pencil so he was allowed and advised to use thick pens/pencils at home and school. He is in year 1 and is much better with holding it.
Maybe another child or the teacher has upset your son.Its really hard to tell. The school should be showing you a bit more support to be honest. With my son, it was sometimes hard getting things out of him as Its just me and him. But he does eventually tell me what is bothering him or upsetting him.Ive noticed he tells me just before he sleeps.
I know how upset you must be but try not to be to alarmed. If his fine at home, then the school need to look into why he gets like he does at school. Its not your fault, like other ppl have said, he is only 4.I hope it all goes ok for you and your family.Hugs x

Snaggles

Feisty_Fairy wrote: »

but now the school are saying he is absolutley fine except that he is naughty and say he MUST get away with far too much at home and that we work around his tantrums!

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Sorry, but this makes me soooo cross. I have a son with Aspergers (not saying that is what your son has, btw), and I have been subjected to this sort of rubbish for years - at every turn you are accused of being a bad parent, of letting them 'get away with it'.....and they are some of the pleasanter things they say.

All I can say is that YOU are the expert on your son, not them - keep hold of that belief and push for him to be seen by the child psychologist as soon as possible.

They will probably try to tell you that you are imagining things, that he is just a normal boy and will grow out of it, but if you genuinely feel in your heart that there is something else going on, the chances are you are right.

I wish you well in getting to the bottom of whatever is causing your son to feel so angry, and want to let you know that whatever the problem, kids are amazing at learning coping strategies, and if you are committed to helping him, you WILL be able to help him deal with the everyday frustrations of life in a more 'acceptable' way.

Sorry if my post seemed like a bit of a rant, but I really do feel for you, and it's time that parents of children with these types of issues/difficulties were treated with sympathy and support rather than accusations and suspicion.

liney

You said your son is a very good reader, and also he is having 'phonics' lessons - is he playing up because he is bored maybe?

If he can already read fluently then shouldn't he be reading instead of practising phonics?

shazrobo

big hugs, feisty, i've been in the same situation when my sons were younger. all through primary my twins were labelled as naughty, and i the single parent was obviously to blame :mad: . sons regulary got excluded for trashing the classroom etc, then eventually they got to see the child pyschologist who eventually diagnosed both with severe adhd. both got statemented, and got the support they needed, been a hard struggle, especially the two of them, but it does start to become easier once they get the support they need and deserve