My 4 year old son has been excluded from school!! End of my tether!!

Sarahsaver

BTW they cannot just 'send him home' they have in doing this broken the law by unofficially excluding your child. If they ask you to come and take him home because of behaviour you are not obliged to do so. They have done this to avoid putting an exclusion on their records, to look good for ofsted/local authority statistics.

nickym

Have you tried changing his diet so that everything he eats is made from scratch? no processed foods can help
Also sometimes schools can over react, I remember my son just started full time school so was about 5 (now 18!) & he accidentally caught a girl in the face with his coat & when told to say sorry he went really shy & refused, he got excluded for it!! :eek:

tryingtodobetter

amandada wrote: »

I know it comes down the education "system" but could it be as simple as at the grand old age of 4 he's just not mature enough for the enforced discipline of school-which has nothing to do with intelligence?

I hate the way that in the UK children are pushed into full time schooling at such an early age, particularly in England/Wales. At least here in Scotland the children are at least 4.5 before they're in school full time, and more often than not, they're nearer 5-5.5

I agree with everything said here. Everyone is very quick to attach a label when it may just be that the child is not mature enough for the routine and structure of a school environment. Fluent reading at 4 nearly 5 is not that advanced and i'm sure the school are teaching to all levels in the class room. I hope you get this sorted and that your son can enjoy school.

Sarahsaver

http://www.bolton.gov.uk/portal/page?_pageid=367,135053&_dad=portal92&_schema=PORTAL92

yep sorry i cant do posh links but this explains the law.
Have you made an appeal? Have they followed correct procedure?

best of luck;)

andyrules

2cats1kid wrote: »

If it were ADHD, Aspergers etc. wouldn't it would be manifesting itself at home and in other situations, not just at school?

I agree that at 4 some children are ready for the structure of school, but many aren't. My immediate thought was that it is the tail-end of a very long term, and a long year for the Reception kids, and maybe he is just plain shattered and he is at the end of his tether too? I work with kids and a lot of the school age ones are playing up at the moment as they are tired from the term (it's something like a 12 or 13 week term hereabouts - way too long) but they are hyped up because they have sports days, shows, etc. coming up and they just can't handle that combination. Heck, my 10 year old is tired and grumpy too - and so am I LOL.

Maybe he just needs his 6 week holiday?

Aspergers is very complex and wouldn't necessarily manifest itself that clearly at home.

I must agree that at 4 a full day can be exhausting (it is for me, and I'm a few years past 4;)). I wouldn't be quick to label him as naughty either - rather, just not ready for such prescriptive activities. It has been a very long term!

Sarahsaver

Within one day the Head Teacher should
send a letter which must include:

• The precise period of the exclusion

• The reasons for the exclusion

• Your right to state your case to the

governors and how to go about this

Sarahsaver

‘[FONT=Arial,Italic]Where a pupil is sent home for disciplinary
reasons for part of a school day,
some Head Teachers have viewed this as
a cooling off period and have not taken
action to exclude the pupil formally. There
is no basis for this legally. Informal or
unofficial exclusions are illegal’

[/FONT]

Regulations do not state a minimum
length of exclusion. If pupils are sent
home in response to a breach of
discipline, even for short periods of time,

this must be recorded as an exclusion.

So in short the school has broken the law. Get them to amend their records accordingly and mark the earlier 'sending home' as an exclusion.
There are 2 issues, one is the schools way of handling this the other is your child's behaviour. Try to deal with the 2 separately.
Cant believe how quick people are to start trying to diagnose!
i got told about diet etc for my son when I had been feeding him homemade food no junk since he was weaned anyway.
HTH.

aliasojo

It's very unlikely to be any kind of medical condition if he is not exhibiting the same types of behaviour and reaction at both school and home. I've been through the 'diagnosis' process twice with 2 kids and the same behaviour at school and home is something that plays a large part of the process, (although it isn't the definitive by any means).

I think he sounds overwhelmed tbh and at 4 years old he isn't mature enough to deal with his feelings in a wiser manner.

If he genuinely (and you really must be clear on this) doesn't have these problems at home then why not? Is it because you herd the problem off at the pass before it becomes an issue, do you diffuse situations? If you didn't intervene....would his behaviour escalate?

If he really doesn't behave in the same way, then this really is a school issue more than your son's issue simply because of they way in which they handle (or dont handle) him.

Our local LEA tried to make my eldest lad fit into normal school curriculum when it was obvious that he would be better managed in a slightly different way. It took a new Educational Psychologist to point out the obvious before things changed.

Schools are great places with great people for the most part, but they are not all seeing and all knowing so dont feel intimidated if you feel they are wrong about something.

I know from experience just how upsetting and worrying things like this can be but DONT get downhearted....your son is only 4. He's not an educational outcast or a yob just yet.;) It's good the ball is rolling now with regards to the psychologist, the best advice I can give you right now is to keep an open mind.

squoog

Is there anything that you notice as 'different' about your son compared to your older one? Does he enjoy small world play, i.e. playmobil. How are his friendships?
I went through a very similar experience when my son was 4, the teacher had called the head in as she couldn't manage my son and he threw a chair at the head and kicked her! she basically told me that I should look elsewhere for a school for him! Needless to say, I didn't argue.
I kept him home for a few weeks until I had found a school I was happy with and they had a space. It did mean a 20 minute drive but best decision I could have made at the time.
My son is also very bright but was never good at conforming to others rules if he didn't want to, and never seemed to be in awe of adults.
I was told at the new school by his lovely first teacher that he had boundary issues and that we should change our parenting... We tried, he settled down in lessons but always had problems in the playground.
Eventually we moved house and he changed schools for yr 6. The new setting made it very clear that he did have some difficulties, mainly around social rules and behaviour. his teacher met with me and we agreed to have him assessed by CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service) for aspergers syndrome.
He now has this diagnosis, though mild. He is bright and is on the schools gifted and talented register for some subjects. He is now 13, and the diagnosis has been helpful in lots of ways. For him to understand that he is different, but that is okay. For us as parents to stop blaming ourselves for his sometimes inappropriate behaviour and for school to recognise him as needing support in a group setting.
Some of the things you mention ie the pen, not joining in in music are familiar to me. Also the exclusion,my son was excluded very unfairly in yr 5 for 2 days. I was in pieces, I had never heard of a primary age child being excluded. I felt so ashamed and sorry for my son too. I cried for days every time I thought about it. We wrote a long letter to the govenors which will also go on his record although they backed the school. Since then, I mentioned this to his new school and it really wasn't a big deal to them at all.
I think a good school will see that your son needs support/management in a different way to what he has had so far.
Are you able to consider changing schools?
Finally, there is a simple scenario you could try with him, which might give you some information.
Show him a tube of smarties, ask him what is inside? Presumably he will say sweets. Then show him that there is in fact a pencil inside.
If you then ask him, 'if we show the tube to your brother what do you think he will say is inside?' If he answers 'a pencil' this illustrates that he has not yet developed a good ability to see the world through someone elses eyes. Most children will get this at around 4/5 yrs. Older children will say that the other person would expect smarties to be inside. If this skill isn't well developed yet it explains why he finds it hard to conform to rules when he doesn't want to.
Sorry for this outpouring! I do hope you get some good support for your son and be kind to yourself too.

Mips

I would just like to say... don't rush off worrying that your child has an illness Feisty or is on the spectrum... wait until you get professional attention.

Worst comes to the worst, there are schools that take on children with EBD (Emotional and Behavioural difficulties).

He is only 4 - still a baby really. Some kids just don't adapt. He may not like certain people, or the Teachers.

Enjoy your weekend and just watch his behaviour, broach the subject of School with him gently.