My 4 year old son has been excluded from school!! End of my tether!!

Feisty_Fairy

My son has just been sent home from school for being disruptive and refusing to do as he is told in class, he has been sent home before but this time its official and will go on his educational record.

I just dont know what to do He is very clever and his teachers say when he is good he is a delight but when asked to do something he doesnt want to do he just 'goes off on one'.

The teachers, myself and OH have tried reasoning with him and explaining what this means and how it cannot continue, but he doesnt understand!

He is a lovely bright and intelligent young boy and the behaviour i saw when i collected him today i could only describe as a stranger - not my little boy .

He had trashed the Head teachers office and was frowning and grunting like a child possessed.

He has an appt with a child psycholgist (sp?) on wed as the school requested this before christmas, but now the school are saying he is absolutley fine except that he is naughty and say he MUST get away with far too much at home and that we work around his tantrums! I can honestly say we dont not get the behaviour that they do. Dont get me wrong he is no angel- he is a typical cheeky 4 year old boy who will push and manipulate to get what he wants but by no means does he get away with it!

Any ideas peeps?, i am at the end of my tether and am sat here crying, as i worry he will ruin all his chances in education which would be a real shame as he would do very well in school.

Thanks in advance

a very worried and upset Feisty!

Mrs_P_Pincher

Stay cool Feisty - I can't help myself but I'm sure it won't belong before the excellent Mums on here come up with some good practical advice for you.

Have a hug in the meantime !!{x}}

Mrs P P

galvanizersbaby

OMG Feisty - he is 4 years old for heavens sake!

As the previous poster mentioned I hope somebody can post you some decent advice shortly x

WestonDave

No expert as my oldest has yet to start, but I'd be trying to find out as much information as possible about when and why this is happening. Simply chucking him out and telling you that occasionally he is extremely naughty doesn't really help you resolve why this extreme behaviour is happening.

In order to start dealing with the problem you need to try and find out why its happening - is it related to too many late nights, being a bit off colour, eating something (e.g. additives), a particular task/topic in the lesson, a particular time of day/teacher. Once you have this information it might give you something to go on. Obviously this will come in part from school telling you when it happens and also your own knowledge of sleep and food etc. It may be worth keeping a bit of a diary for a while so when there are problems you have a record of what has happened in recent days which may have set him off.

You say he is bright - is it possible that it happens when what he is being asked to do isn't challenging or alternatively is something that he finds hard (maybe drawing/PE) when he is used to finding everything easy.

Obviously the school/teacher cannot simply tolerate extreme behaviour otherwise it will spread, but I think you need to look for more co-operation with the school to resolve this and so I would be asking them to work with me on finding a solution.

There may of course be something more significant and it is good that you have the imminent appointment to get some professional input as well.

Hope you work it out quickly and relatively painlessly

calculatethis

Hi Feisty, I am no expert at all so can't give any advice but the very fact that you care so very much and are worried about your little boy and want to get him through this, says a lot.

Both my sister and husband are teachers and they very often talk about children that they have taught that have been disruptive in some way or had problems concentrating in class, but then "blossoming" later on in the school or when they get a different teacher.....and as someone else said, he is only 4!!

The comments about what he gets away with at home are very out of order and you must be fuming at this. How the heck do they know what goes on at home??

It will not ruin his chances in education AT ALL. He just needs a little helping hand, hopefully the educational psychologist will be able to help and make some suggestions.

Good Luck, don't be too hard on him at the weekend...

Kimberley

Have you had him checked out in case he has that ADHD

Symptoms

The principal characteristics of ADHD are inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. These symptoms appear early in a child’s life. Because many normal children may have these symptoms, but at a low level, or the symptoms may be caused by another disorder, it is important that the child receive a thorough examination and appropriate diagnosis by a well-qualified professional. Symptoms of ADHD will appear over the course of many months, often with the symptoms of impulsiveness and hyperactivity preceding those of inattention, which may not emerge for a year or more. Different symptoms may appear in different settings, depending on the demands the situation may pose for the child’s self-control. A child who “can’t sit still” or is otherwise disruptive will be noticeable in school, but the inattentive daydreamer may be overlooked. The impulsive child who acts before thinking may be considered just a “discipline problem,” while the child who is passive or sluggish may be viewed as merely unmotivated. Yet both may have different types of ADHD. All children are sometimes restless, sometimes act without thinking, sometimes daydream the time away. When the child’s hyperactivity, distractibility, poor concentration, or impulsivity begin to affect performance in school, social relationships with other children, or behavior at home, ADHD may be suspected. But because the symptoms vary so much across settings, ADHD is not easy to diagnose. This is especially true when inattentiveness is the primary symptom.

galvanizersbaby

calculatethis wrote: »

Hi Feisty, I am no expert at all so can't give any advice but the very fact that you care so very much and are worried about your little boy and want to get him through this, says a lot.

Both my sister and husband are teachers and they very often talk about children that they have taught that have been disruptive in some way or had problems concentrating in class, but then "blossoming" later on in the school or when they get a different teacher.....and as someone else said, he is only 4!!

The comments about what he gets away with at home are very out of order and you must be fuming at this. How the heck do they know what goes on at home??

It will not ruin his chances in education AT ALL. He just needs a little helping hand, hopefully the educational psychologist will be able to help and make some suggestions.

Good Luck, don't be too hard on him at the weekend...

Agree totally - the children in my son's reception class (especially the boys apparently btw)all have problems concentrating for too long - not because they are abnormal in any way but because they are 4!:mad: :mad:
I would be mildly annoyed by the schools comments to say the least!:mad:

galvanizersbaby

Kimberley wrote: »

Have you had him checked out in case he has that ADHD

My nephew has been diagnosed with this - would be difficult to spot in a 4 year old

funky-footprints

oh you poor thing !! you must be frantic !

Im no expert, but as a mum sympathise, I hope Wednesday brings some answers and your little boy gets the help required to make him at peace with himself in class.


x

Feisty_Fairy

Thanks everyone so far,

the school say they havent noticed any type of pattern or time/reason for him to 'kick off'. they at one time thought it may have been related to low blood sugars in the afternoon and so we sent him to school with 2 bananas a day and that seemed to help for a while, but the novelty wore off and the behaviour started again! We had his blood sugar checked and he is fine so its not that.

He started a few days ago over the fact that in phonics (first lesson that day) he had been given a thin pen (same as all the other children), he wanted a thick one and so all hell broke loose!

The incidents are all similar, he doesnt want to come in from play time so will start again or doesnt want to listen and join in at music time or p.e (both of which he is good at and enjoys when in the mood), so really nothing noticeable apart from that its when he simply cant have his own way!

I am so worried, i have just been to collect my eldest from the school next door to my littleuns and littleun was sat in the back of the car in his pyjamas reading a book (he is very good at reading) and he looked like butter wouldnt melt!

JimmyTheWig

I wondered about ADHD, though don't really know much about it.
I also wondered about diet. Our 4 year old becomes naughty when he has dairy products. (But not naughty to the extent you have described.)

But neither of those explain why he is normal at home.

Presumably we're talking reception, here, and he's nearly five. When did he start school? Was he full time from the start? When did the problems start?
What did he do before he went to school? Did he go to nursery, or pre-school? What was he like there?
What's he like in other situations with peers? (e.g. does he do ballet, or football, or Jo Jingles, etc)
What's he like with other grown ups (e.g. supermarket staff)?

I'd like to think that the psychologist will get to the bottom of it, but if you can have ideas ready that might help.

My thinking is that if there is a difference in behaviour between home and school then the issue is something to do with school rather than something specifically to do with your son.
We have the opposite situation, as it happens. Our son is as good as gold at nursery but is at times a right horror at home. We've recently realised that he has a problem that stems from when our daughter was born.
It's the other way around, but the point is still the same, I think. It's not _him_ it's the situation.

For now, just have a nice few days with your boy. Enjoy the time together. Try to do some "educational" things. Digging for bugs, maybe.

Don't tell him (and certainly don't let anyone else tell him) that he's a naughty boy. If you tell him he is naughty then he will believe you and will behave naughty.
As always, try to praise the good behaviour, ignore the bad, etc. I'm sure you've heard it all before.