My 4 year old son has been excluded from school!! End of my tether!!

Carmina_Piranha_3

i helped out for a few years in primary and from conversations in school etc. i get the impression that they ask you about your home life and how you discipline him etc. as a guide to whether a child might truly have ADHD for example, or if the home life might be contributing to the behaviour. sorry that doesn't make sense, i've got a headache.

my youngest is a summer holidays birthday too, and i'm a bit worried because he sounds similar to your son - strong willed and unwilling to come inside when asked to, etc.

i think if your son had a serious problem you'd have heard about it before now though - it's not as if school are the first people to look after him without you around

sara1880

maybe your son just finds the constraints of school life a little frustrating, i wouldnt be in any rush to label him with anything just yet, i work in a school and i have seen way to many kids labeled with something or other when all thats wrong is just a general behavior

Does the school have any sort of mental gym classes, my daughters does, every day for half an hour the whole class does little exercises to just calm the brain down, nothing heavy , maybe some days they all lay on the floor for half an hour and have to picture their best place in the world while listening to quiet music.

I think you and the school need to sit down and talk properly about what could be done in future, maybe if they can accommodate it when he does go off on one, he is taken to one side maybe into another room and has to work through it with someone, i bet he will soon get bored of this exercise and realize staying in class is much more fun than having to talk to a grown up.

he's 4 not stupid,, has anyone actually sat with him and asked him what he thinks? i know he wont be able to give you an exact detailed reason why he does what he does but he might give away some clues without realizing it.

Lainie75

my son has adhd and i was always called into school about his behavior or he was excluded etc. when a child with adhd is bored life becomes a nightmare for them as well as the parent , to start with my sons behavior was never as bad at home as school but he did more of the things he liked at home. my son loves the outdoors he loves all sports , gardening , farming etc and although he can do all the reading , writhing etc he doesnt like it. my daughter is the totally different she loves writing , drawing , science etc and she hates pe. when will schools realise all children are different so its really hard for them to do so of the lessons even without medicial reasons no to people are alike. my son is 15 now and at times things have been a nightmare he was out of school for a year at one point , kicked out of 2 schools , he is now in pru which is the pupil referell unit and although he isnt perfect(who is) it has made loads of difference because on a morning he does maths , english etc and on an afternoon he does sport , gardening , hiking anything outside which he loves.

Feisty_Fairy

:mad: :mad:

He has today been sent home again for another exclusion and cannot go back till monday morning!:eek:

He has been great this week and has shown real signs of improvement, he has a new behaviour book and incentives and has been really excited and positive.

Today he started his usual thing of kicking off when being asked to do something he didnt wan to, then he had to be restrained:eek: as he was being aggressive towards the members of staff dealing with him, (one of which is the head mistress!) he smacked and kicked and threw things:mad: .

The school insist this sending him home is the best thing to do but im just not so sure!

A very sad and depressed Feisty!

nikaso

From an outsiders perspective (i.e. no kids and no experience of child rearing) I'm not sure what the school can do with a child whose behaviour is like that? (I'm not being judgmental, I was apparently similar at that age, in my case I was bored with what they were doing in school, I was at a more advanced stage)

Do they have the resources to take the child into another room (naughty corner style) with a member of staff just to watch them?

JimmyTheWig

You know what? I really hate to give up, but I think it's time you took him out of that school.
I have to admit I can't quite remember your situation re other local schools, possibility of home ed, etc which must all play a factor.
But I can't see you doing him any favours by keeping him at that school.

I'd walk away. Leave them to it. I know this isn't fair, but let them pick on someone else's child.


Edit: I am sitting here, really cross about your situation! This has wound me up much more than any post onhere about people being ripped off by their bank, etc!

JimmyTheWig

nikaso wrote: »

From an outsiders perspective (i.e. no kids and no experience of child rearing) I'm not sure what the school can do with a child whose behaviour is like that?

I know we don't really know enough about the situation to give a proper answer to this, but there must be ways of dealing with it.

One of the basic rules of dealing with kids (certainly of this age) is to praise the good behaviour and ignore the bad behaviour. I've never really understood what they mean by "ignore" in this instance, but the point is that they crave attention and any attention, in their eyes, is better than no attention.
So, for example, they eat all their dinner up and get a "Well done Fred"; they don't touch their dinner and they get "Go on, Fred, eat something. Please. Go on. Just try a bit of it. Why not try a potato? Do you want me to make you a sandwich? Why aren't you eating the sandwich I made you? etc..."
If they learn they get more attention for doing naughty things then they will continue to do naughty things.
(I know the issue here isn't food, I'm just using that as an example.)

So what has really riled me about this is that he has had a good week, but still got sent home after the first issue. Where's the praise for the good that he's done all week?

Mrs_Pepperpot_2

You poor poor thing ((((hugs))))

I agree with Jimmy - a new school might be your only option here.

I taught 4 year olds for many years - many of them quite difficult/aggressive. Never had to restrain though.

This is such an important time for him. What happens now will colour how he sees school and teachers forever. A new start might give him a different view of how school can be.

I really feel for you.

bylromarha

For the new exclusion, I have to say I agree with the school that sending him home was probably best for him. Once something has riled you, it's hard to calm down when still in that place surrounded by those people, well certainly is for me anyway.

I once taught a 4 year old who had to be restrained on several occasions as he was endangering himself, mum was far less supportive than you are being. We ended up having to call the police one day as mum decided to not turn up, he'd drawn blood from 2 members of staff and was not calming down. Ended up in the national newspapers as mum was that sort.

Without knowing everything about this, I'm inclined to agree a fresh start may be what is required. His learnt behaviour in school will be hard for him to break, IMHO.

You know your son best, stick to what you feel is the best solution to this problem, listen to the schools advice, but don't take it as gospel as you're the expert on him.

All the best-and let us know how you get on.

PS: As an ex-warwickshire teacher, the nosey side of me is desperate for you to pm me the school's name!

All the best

JimmyTheWig

Mrs_Pepperpot wrote: »

This is such an important time for him. What happens now will colour how he sees school and teachers forever. A new start might give him a different view of how school can be.

Yes, I think that's hit the nail on the head. (Which, I imagine, is something you might quite like to do!)