Ex removing his wages.

WillPS

Cryingemoji said:

WillPS said:

Cryingemoji said:

Yes, so most of the direct debits are for household bills.

Then there are 'debts' of a credit card (of which I'm only a second card holder) and a loan repayment.  We looked at our credit reports and both of these are showing on his file but not mine..

So the credit card is his, and the loan is also his. Put them aside for the time being as they are his responsibility to then sort out; it sounds as though he is the only one with any ability to service them too.

What household bills are there to pay (type of service and approximate monthly cost please)? Who's name are these each in currently?

How much income to do you personally have? Would you be eligible for any benefits?

This is where it becomes complicated.  He's offered me a deal whereby he gives me £1000 per month towards his share of those debts and I continue to pay them from the joint account.

But I think this will mean I'm not eligible for universal credit.  A quick calculation on a benefits calculator showed this.

The household bills are currently in his name for everything like the utilities, mobiles phones, car insurance, sky etc.  I've worked out that these total approximately £1500 per month.

I have no income and no savings and will be relying on handouts from family.  I'm currently applying for jobs.

Can I say I appreciate so much you taking the time to listen to me, it's such a lot to cope with..

Your partner needs to take care of his debts by himself.

If you feel you have a moral part in that debt then you can contribute to it if and when you are able to, but for now your focus needs to be on getting your reduced household in order.

Get your own bank account set up if you don't already. Call the utility companies the day your partner leaves, provide them with meter readings. Ask for a new account to be set up in your name and with your new bank account.

Get your own broadband connection set up, again in your name only, then invite your partner to cancel Sky.

Same for mobiles - you need to take these over yourself, simplest way is to set up something new and transfer the number over.

£1500pm seems a lot for just utilities, are you including groceries or something in that?

elsien

Also to add at any money, he pays you as child maintenance should be labelled as that as it goes into your new account because that doesn’t count as income for benefits  purposes. You don’t need to go through child maintenance, you can work out on the calculator how much he should be paying from his wages, but it does need to be clear that’s what it is. 

eskbanker

Cryingemoji said:

From £1000, £540 of it would go towards the minimum payment on these debts leaving me a little left over to pay other bills but I'm not sure it's worth it to keep the joint account going

Keeping the joint account going isn't really something to aspire to, you (both) need to establish how to separate your finances and the future steady state doesn't require a joint account.

£540 of minimum monthly debt repayments sounds ominous, what's the total scale of the debts and what sort of split is realistically appropriate, in terms of what they funded (rather than the legalities of whose name is on them)?

Cryingemoji

elsien said:

Cryingemoji said:

Thanks for replying Matt.

He's proposing that he gives me £1000 per month to cover his share of the debts and I keep the joint account but it does feel like he's trying to distance himself from the joint account / responsibilities.

Don’t agree to that. As you say, it will prevent you from claiming any means tested benefits, and if it’s purely to pay the debts, then he can pay the debts directly himself. And if all the direct debits for sky and everything else are in his name, Think about what you need to keep such as utilities, but he needs to look at cancelling the rest of them or transferring them over to where he is moving to. 
For example, is he taking the car with him because if so he’s responsible for the insurance,  not you.

Then start thinking about a proper financial settlement, because if you’ve been married for a long time, the starting point is a 50-50 split, and that will include savings and pensions. So, depending on the debts, what they have been run up for et cetera, there may be negotiations to be had around that trade-off as well.

Thanks for replying.

He's in receipt of a private pension and the money he's proposing I have is this money which equates to £1500 including £500 child maintenance.

He's expecting me to agree to this deal as I have no money of my own currently and he knows that as we are only separated not divorced he technically could take all of the pension money currently too.  He says he's trying to be amicable.

Section62

Cryingemoji said:

Section62 said:

Cryingemoji said:

Hi all, not sure if this is the right board for this.

Have a joint account with my h who has announced he's leaving me.  He told me he's already opened a new bank account for his wages.

He's seemingly trying to distance himself from this account.  We have a lot of direct debits which will be due at the beginning of next month which I simply won't be able to pay.

Obviously his name is on the account so he is liable too, but what will happen when they start bouncing.

I do have some help from family but currently no income.

Married? Homeowners/mortgage/rented? Children under 18?  All will help determine whether he needs to continue paying in.

You might be better off posting in the Marriage&Relationships board as the issues will be more to do with family law than pure banking -

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/marriage-relationships-families

Thanks for replying.

I tried the marriage board but it's seemingly so quiet in there I'm not getting a lot of responses and I'm feeling pretty desperate.

Sorry for the lack of context.  Yes married 20 plus years, living in a family owned property (of which they're not currently expecting rent).  3 children, 2 of them are adults..

Which side of the family own the home? His or yours?

Don't accept his idea of paying you money to pay off his debts.  He needs to take responsibility for paying his debts directly.  An informal arrangement like he proposes risks him subsequently claiming the £1000 was in fact his contribution to running the home, and nothing to do with paying the debt.

Although it is better to make arrangements between yourselves without having to go 'legal' - because the legal costs quickly mount - it is also important to protect your position and that of your child.  If you do agree things, get it in writing. And avoid making any big decisions without at minimum some basic legal advice.

Him agreeing to pay £500 child maintenance is one thing.... whether he will reliably pay the money over is another. How close to 18 is your youngest?

MattMattMattUK

Cryingemoji said:

elsien said:

Cryingemoji said:

Thanks for replying Matt.

He's proposing that he gives me £1000 per month to cover his share of the debts and I keep the joint account but it does feel like he's trying to distance himself from the joint account / responsibilities.

Don’t agree to that. As you say, it will prevent you from claiming any means tested benefits, and if it’s purely to pay the debts, then he can pay the debts directly himself. And if all the direct debits for sky and everything else are in his name, Think about what you need to keep such as utilities, but he needs to look at cancelling the rest of them or transferring them over to where he is moving to. 
For example, is he taking the car with him because if so he’s responsible for the insurance,  not you.

Then start thinking about a proper financial settlement, because if you’ve been married for a long time, the starting point is a 50-50 split, and that will include savings and pensions. So, depending on the debts, what they have been run up for et cetera, there may be negotiations to be had around that trade-off as well.

Thanks for replying.

He's in receipt of a private pension and the money he's proposing I have is this money which equates to £1500 including £500 child maintenance.

He's expecting me to agree to this deal as I have no money of my own currently and he knows that as we are only separated not divorced he technically could take all of the pension money currently too.  He says he's trying to be amicable.

He is not, he is trying to bully you into a situation that benefits him. 

Cryingemoji

Section62 said:

Cryingemoji said:

Section62 said:

Cryingemoji said:

Hi all, not sure if this is the right board for this.

Have a joint account with my h who has announced he's leaving me.  He told me he's already opened a new bank account for his wages.

He's seemingly trying to distance himself from this account.  We have a lot of direct debits which will be due at the beginning of next month which I simply won't be able to pay.

Obviously his name is on the account so he is liable too, but what will happen when they start bouncing.

I do have some help from family but currently no income.

Married? Homeowners/mortgage/rented? Children under 18?  All will help determine whether he needs to continue paying in.

You might be better off posting in the Marriage&Relationships board as the issues will be more to do with family law than pure banking -

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/marriage-relationships-families

Thanks for replying.

I tried the marriage board but it's seemingly so quiet in there I'm not getting a lot of responses and I'm feeling pretty desperate.

Sorry for the lack of context.  Yes married 20 plus years, living in a family owned property (of which they're not currently expecting rent).  3 children, 2 of them are adults..

Which side of the family own the home? His or yours?

Don't accept his idea of paying you money to pay off his debts.  He needs to take responsibility for paying his debts directly.  An informal arrangement like he proposes risks him subsequently claiming the £1000 was in fact his contribution to running the home, and nothing to do with paying the debt.

Although it is better to make arrangements between yourselves without having to go 'legal' - because the legal costs quickly mount - it is also important to protect your position and that of your child.  If you do agree things, get it in writing. And avoid making any big decisions without at minimum some basic legal advice.

Him agreeing to pay £500 child maintenance is one thing.... whether he will reliably pay the money over is another. How close to 18 is your youngest?

My family own the home.

Youngest is 11.

Cryingemoji

MattMattMattUK said:

Cryingemoji said:

elsien said:

Cryingemoji said:

Thanks for replying Matt.

He's proposing that he gives me £1000 per month to cover his share of the debts and I keep the joint account but it does feel like he's trying to distance himself from the joint account / responsibilities.

Don’t agree to that. As you say, it will prevent you from claiming any means tested benefits, and if it’s purely to pay the debts, then he can pay the debts directly himself. And if all the direct debits for sky and everything else are in his name, Think about what you need to keep such as utilities, but he needs to look at cancelling the rest of them or transferring them over to where he is moving to. 
For example, is he taking the car with him because if so he’s responsible for the insurance,  not you.

Then start thinking about a proper financial settlement, because if you’ve been married for a long time, the starting point is a 50-50 split, and that will include savings and pensions. So, depending on the debts, what they have been run up for et cetera, there may be negotiations to be had around that trade-off as well.

Thanks for replying.

He's in receipt of a private pension and the money he's proposing I have is this money which equates to £1500 including £500 child maintenance.

He's expecting me to agree to this deal as I have no money of my own currently and he knows that as we are only separated not divorced he technically could take all of the pension money currently too.  He says he's trying to be amicable.

He is not, he is trying to bully you into a situation that benefits him. 

This is what it is feeling like.

My family think I should accept the deal, but it's niggling me and doesn't feel right.

I'm just afraid of him pulling the plug on every penny we have and I'm left with direct debits for household bills that I cannot pay without significant help from family.

Section62

Cryingemoji said:

He's expecting me to agree to this deal as I have no money of my own currently and he knows that as we are only separated not divorced he technically could take all of the pension money currently too.  He says he's trying to be amicable.

Has he spoken to a divorce lawyer?  If not then he's in for a shock.

The courts prioritise the needs of any children in the family.  Your child needs a stable family home.  Assuming you will be the parent the child continues to live with, then if it becomes necessary a family court would grant an interim order requiring him to hand over enough of his money to meet his share of your and your childs needs.

You don't have to wait to be divorced before a court would intervene - and in fact it is very important that you get a legally binding 'financial settlement' before the divorce is finalised.

Some of this stuff is likely to be happening a long way into the future, and there are other things to prioritise today (e.g. having your own bank account), but you do need to make yourself aware of the longer-term stuff so you don't make a decision now that closes off an option later.

Cryingemoji

I was shocked too when we totalled up the current outgoings of £1500 for household bills.  This is not including food.  There was so much on there.  Some of them are things that will be his such as his car insurance, tax, mobile phone etc.

Yes, the loan and credit card are very large totalling £15000 that's why it's costing £540 per month.  £300 for the credit card and £240 for the bank loan.

I feel like I'm up sh** creek without a paddle...