Ex removing his wages.

Hoenir

Cryingemoji said:

he knows that as we are only separated not divorced he technically could take all of the pension money currently too. 

Time to consult a solicitor. That statement is factually wrong. Understand your rights. 

Open a new bank account in your name.  Freeze the joint account. While it is still in credit. 

Take control of the situation. Don't be dictated too. 

Cryingemoji

Hoenir said:

Cryingemoji said:

he knows that as we are only separated not divorced he technically could take all of the pension money currently too. 

Time to consult a solicitor. That statement is factually wrong. Understand your rights. 

Open a new bank account in your name.  Freeze the joint account. While it is still in credit. 

Take control of the situation. Don't be dictated too. 

Thanks for replying.

I don't have any money for a solicitor.  I could try for a free consultation but I doubt we'd be able to unpick everything in the time.

Unfortunately I don't think I can freeze the account as I'm relying on the overdraft each month to be able to live.

I don't think things could be much worse right now.

Section62

Cryingemoji said:

Hoenir said:

I don't have any money for a solicitor.  I could try for a free consultation but I doubt we'd be able to unpick everything in the time.

You don't need to unpick everything in the first call.

Write down the main points of your situation in short summary form.  Don't go into full details of the history of the relationship and financial arrangements.  If it would take you more than a couple of minutes to read your summary out loud then you are going into too much detail.

Write out a list of questions - focus on things you need to do now, things that can wait a week or two, and things for the longer-term.

When you speak to the solicitor use your summary as a guide to what you want to tell them, and the list of questions as the things you need to know.  The solicitor will ask you questions to fill in any gaps.

Solicitors can be great at providing emotional support, listening, and acting as a friend - but don't do that. It just consumes your time (and money).  Keep to the facts and practicalities in a businesslike manner.  Use friends (or forums like this one) for the emotional side of things - for free.

MattMattMattUK

Cryingemoji said:

I don't think things could be much worse right now.

It might well feel that way, but it is all completely manageable. You are facing a separation and having to take control of your finances, many people find that somewhat daunting but it is nothing insurmountable, the key if you are struggling is to take it one step at a time.

Hoenir

Cryingemoji said:

Hoenir said:

Cryingemoji said:

he knows that as we are only separated not divorced he technically could take all of the pension money currently too. 

Time to consult a solicitor. That statement is factually wrong. Understand your rights. 

Open a new bank account in your name.  Freeze the joint account. While it is still in credit. 

Take control of the situation. Don't be dictated too. 

Unfortunately I don't think I can freeze the account as I'm relying on the overdraft each month to be able to live.

Keeping the account open will solve nothing. 

Cherryfudge

I still think you need to open your own bank account and at least get the child benefit into that. Cancel any unnecessary direct debits and standing orders too, if there are any. If he wants to continue with those, they can come out of his new account.

You may be able to get a small income stream from things like online surveys, if you have the headspace for a few of those. It all helps and that's your money to pay into your account. If the joint account is a premium one where you pay to have it, could you change it to the basic version where there are no costs? And is the overdraft staying within its limits?

Reading between the lines, he wants control of the money but isn't handling it responsibly. If he can afford to send you whatever the sum is of what he's offered you, then why are you relying on the overdraft? Somewhere, something's gone astray, between you there's been spending above income, so how come he can suddenly fund £1000 a month? If that would cover his outgoings, he should be repaying what he owes. It's very suspicious that he wants you to take that on, and you need to avoid that. It feels to me as though he's held the purse strings which has given him control of you. I could be wrong but I think he's jumping ship before it gets to the point the bank gets unhappy, and you've no guarantee he would pay you what he says he would.

I don't sense any surprise from you that this is happening (I may be wrong) but it feels like the bottom of a slippery slope. I don't know if your personal circumstances have made it difficult for you to work before now, but the fact you are now looking for jobs indicates you could work. With a relatively young child, I could understand you wanting to be at home for them, but having your own income would help a lot. Perhaps your family might help with after school care? 

If you need additional qualifications, have a look on your Council website: I know that at least some councils offer free tuition to adults who don't have basic qualifications in Maths, English and Digital Skills, or would like tuition in interview skills. Also don't forget you have lots of skills as a mum and looking after your home - turn those round so they are things an employer wants like prioritising, budgeting, time keeping, liaising with professionals (GP for your child's needs!).

friolento

Not a silver bullet but good advice about separation and divorce: https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/divorce-and-separation

I agree with those recommending you immediately set up a current account of your own, and that you separate yourself completely from paying any of his debts.

gizmo111

If he isn't moving out for a month - what are his financial proposals for this month?  You can claim UC even whilst he is  still in the house. 

General_Grant

Get your own, sole, current account.  You could apply for an overdraft during or after the application process.  You should be able to find a suitable account unless your existing joint account is using all of (or exceeding) its overdraft.  

Cryingemoji

Cherryfudge said:

I still think you need to open your own bank account and at least get the child benefit into that. Cancel any unnecessary direct debits and standing orders too, if there are any. If he wants to continue with those, they can come out of his new account.

You may be able to get a small income stream from things like online surveys, if you have the headspace for a few of those. It all helps and that's your money to pay into your account. If the joint account is a premium one where you pay to have it, could you change it to the basic version where there are no costs? And is the overdraft staying within its limits?

Reading between the lines, he wants control of the money but isn't handling it responsibly. If he can afford to send you whatever the sum is of what he's offered you, then why are you relying on the overdraft? Somewhere, something's gone astray, between you there's been spending above income, so how come he can suddenly fund £1000 a month? If that would cover his outgoings, he should be repaying what he owes. It's very suspicious that he wants you to take that on, and you need to avoid that. It feels to me as though he's held the purse strings which has given him control of you. I could be wrong but I think he's jumping ship before it gets to the point the bank gets unhappy, and you've no guarantee he would pay you what he says he would.

I don't sense any surprise from you that this is happening (I may be wrong) but it feels like the bottom of a slippery slope. I don't know if your personal circumstances have made it difficult for you to work before now, but the fact you are now looking for jobs indicates you could work. With a relatively young child, I could understand you wanting to be at home for them, but having your own income would help a lot. Perhaps your family might help with after school care? 

If you need additional qualifications, have a look on your Council website: I know that at least some councils offer free tuition to adults who don't have basic qualifications in Maths, English and Digital Skills, or would like tuition in interview skills. Also don't forget you have lots of skills as a mum and looking after your home - turn those round so they are things an employer wants like prioritising, budgeting, time keeping, liaising with professionals (GP for your child's needs!).

Thank you for replying.

Unfortunately the only way we get through the month is by using the overdraft in its entirety.

I don't think he really can afford to give me £1000 each month.  He's said if I don't accept the £1000 offered & use it to pay towards the debts then he will take everything and leave me with nothing.

There simply isn't enough money available in this equation to fund two properties and pay for all the debts.

I don't think he realises just how dire this situation is & doesn't want to talk or think about it.