Ex removing his wages.

Cryingemoji

gizmo111 said:

If he isn't moving out for a month - what are his financial proposals for this month?  You can claim UC even whilst he is  still in the house. 

His wages went into the account as normal at the end of last month & most of the direct debits were paid out on 1st march.  But he's already arranged for this month's pay to go into his new account so there will be a serious problem at the beginning of next month.

MattMattMattUK

Cryingemoji said:

Cherryfudge said:

I still think you need to open your own bank account and at least get the child benefit into that. Cancel any unnecessary direct debits and standing orders too, if there are any. If he wants to continue with those, they can come out of his new account.

You may be able to get a small income stream from things like online surveys, if you have the headspace for a few of those. It all helps and that's your money to pay into your account. If the joint account is a premium one where you pay to have it, could you change it to the basic version where there are no costs? And is the overdraft staying within its limits?

Reading between the lines, he wants control of the money but isn't handling it responsibly. If he can afford to send you whatever the sum is of what he's offered you, then why are you relying on the overdraft? Somewhere, something's gone astray, between you there's been spending above income, so how come he can suddenly fund £1000 a month? If that would cover his outgoings, he should be repaying what he owes. It's very suspicious that he wants you to take that on, and you need to avoid that. It feels to me as though he's held the purse strings which has given him control of you. I could be wrong but I think he's jumping ship before it gets to the point the bank gets unhappy, and you've no guarantee he would pay you what he says he would.

I don't sense any surprise from you that this is happening (I may be wrong) but it feels like the bottom of a slippery slope. I don't know if your personal circumstances have made it difficult for you to work before now, but the fact you are now looking for jobs indicates you could work. With a relatively young child, I could understand you wanting to be at home for them, but having your own income would help a lot. Perhaps your family might help with after school care? 

If you need additional qualifications, have a look on your Council website: I know that at least some councils offer free tuition to adults who don't have basic qualifications in Maths, English and Digital Skills, or would like tuition in interview skills. Also don't forget you have lots of skills as a mum and looking after your home - turn those round so they are things an employer wants like prioritising, budgeting, time keeping, liaising with professionals (GP for your child's needs!).

Thank you for replying.

Unfortunately the only way we get through the month is by using the overdraft in its entirety.

I don't think he really can afford to give me £1000 each month.  He's said if I don't accept the £1000 offered & use it to pay towards the debts then he will take everything and leave me with nothing.

There simply isn't enough money available in this equation to fund two properties and pay for all the debts.

I don't think he realises just how dire this situation is & doesn't want to talk or think about it.

Open your own bank account, switch child benefit to go into that, apply for Universal Credit today. 

You do not have a mortgage or rent so your costs and you said the only car is his so costs should be manageable if approached correctly. How much are your monthly costs below, I have put in some figures that you should be able to make work and/or reduce expenditure to those levels:
Council tax: ?
Energy bill: 120
Water bill: 25
Food (for you and your 11 year old, you should be able to manage on £30-35 per person per week): 210?
Broadband: 20
Mobile (yours only, not his): 20
Monthy travel costs for you and your 11 year old: ?

Those are pretty much the only costs you need to worry about in the short term, everything else can either wait a few months or is not your debts anyway.

You have said he is claiming a pension and you are looking for work, how old are you both? 

MattMattMattUK

Cryingemoji said:

gizmo111 said:

If he isn't moving out for a month - what are his financial proposals for this month?  You can claim UC even whilst he is  still in the house. 

His wages went into the account as normal at the end of last month & most of the direct debits were paid out on 1st march.  But he's already arranged for this month's pay to go into his new account so there will be a serious problem at the beginning of next month.

Largely that is not your problem as you have said that the bills and debts are in his name. 

elsien

If all the money carries on getting paid into the joint account, he still has access to it, and he could still run up the overdraft again himself.
your priorities are food, council tax, utilities, any other day to day necessities. Loans, overdraft, credit cards can all wait. 

Cryingemoji

MattMattMattUK said:

Cryingemoji said:

Cherryfudge said:

I still think you need to open your own bank account and at least get the child benefit into that. Cancel any unnecessary direct debits and standing orders too, if there are any. If he wants to continue with those, they can come out of his new account.

You may be able to get a small income stream from things like online surveys, if you have the headspace for a few of those. It all helps and that's your money to pay into your account. If the joint account is a premium one where you pay to have it, could you change it to the basic version where there are no costs? And is the overdraft staying within its limits?

Reading between the lines, he wants control of the money but isn't handling it responsibly. If he can afford to send you whatever the sum is of what he's offered you, then why are you relying on the overdraft? Somewhere, something's gone astray, between you there's been spending above income, so how come he can suddenly fund £1000 a month? If that would cover his outgoings, he should be repaying what he owes. It's very suspicious that he wants you to take that on, and you need to avoid that. It feels to me as though he's held the purse strings which has given him control of you. I could be wrong but I think he's jumping ship before it gets to the point the bank gets unhappy, and you've no guarantee he would pay you what he says he would.

I don't sense any surprise from you that this is happening (I may be wrong) but it feels like the bottom of a slippery slope. I don't know if your personal circumstances have made it difficult for you to work before now, but the fact you are now looking for jobs indicates you could work. With a relatively young child, I could understand you wanting to be at home for them, but having your own income would help a lot. Perhaps your family might help with after school care? 

If you need additional qualifications, have a look on your Council website: I know that at least some councils offer free tuition to adults who don't have basic qualifications in Maths, English and Digital Skills, or would like tuition in interview skills. Also don't forget you have lots of skills as a mum and looking after your home - turn those round so they are things an employer wants like prioritising, budgeting, time keeping, liaising with professionals (GP for your child's needs!).

Thank you for replying.

Unfortunately the only way we get through the month is by using the overdraft in its entirety.

I don't think he really can afford to give me £1000 each month.  He's said if I don't accept the £1000 offered & use it to pay towards the debts then he will take everything and leave me with nothing.

There simply isn't enough money available in this equation to fund two properties and pay for all the debts.

I don't think he realises just how dire this situation is & doesn't want to talk or think about it.

Open your own bank account, switch child benefit to go into that, apply for Universal Credit today. 

You do not have a mortgage or rent so your costs and you said the only car is his so costs should be manageable if approached correctly. How much are your monthly costs below, I have put in some figures that you should be able to make work and/or reduce expenditure to those levels:
Council tax: ?
Energy bill: 120
Water bill: 25
Food (for you and your 11 year old, you should be able to manage on £30-35 per person per week): 210?
Broadband: 20
Mobile (yours only, not his): 20
Monthy travel costs for you and your 11 year old: ?

Those are pretty much the only costs you need to worry about in the short term, everything else can either wait a few months or is not your debts anyway.

You have said he is claiming a pension and you are looking for work, how old are you both? 

Council tax £160-£200
Energy bill £222
Water bill £50
Food (not sure) let's say £200
Broadband / sky £200 (I think)
Mobile £20
Fuel (minimal hardly ever fill up) £50

We also currently pay for our adult children's mobile phones and car insurance so I've no idea who will be paying these.  There's also some smaller things like car tax, appliance care (which I should cancel) home insurance etc

I'm in my 40's and he's in his 50's.  He's fortunate in that he already receives his private pension plus he works elsewhere now.

Section62

Cryingemoji said:

I don't think he really can afford to give me £1000 each month.  He's said if I don't accept the £1000 offered & use it to pay towards the debts then he will take everything and leave me with nothing.

He's talking nonsense.  Bravado to try to get you to agree to his demands.

Cryingemoji said:

There simply isn't enough money available in this equation to fund two properties and pay for all the debts.

I don't think he realises just how dire this situation is & doesn't want to talk or think about it.

Although you may well want to keep things friendly and be kind to him, you need to think about yourself and your child first, and consider preparing to move to a place where that^ is his problem, not yours.

Get financially disentangled from him as soon as you reasonably can. (he's already made the first move, by setting up his own account, apparently without discussing things with you)

MattMattMattUK

Cryingemoji said:

MattMattMattUK said:

Cryingemoji said:

Cherryfudge said:

I still think you need to open your own bank account and at least get the child benefit into that. Cancel any unnecessary direct debits and standing orders too, if there are any. If he wants to continue with those, they can come out of his new account.

You may be able to get a small income stream from things like online surveys, if you have the headspace for a few of those. It all helps and that's your money to pay into your account. If the joint account is a premium one where you pay to have it, could you change it to the basic version where there are no costs? And is the overdraft staying within its limits?

Reading between the lines, he wants control of the money but isn't handling it responsibly. If he can afford to send you whatever the sum is of what he's offered you, then why are you relying on the overdraft? Somewhere, something's gone astray, between you there's been spending above income, so how come he can suddenly fund £1000 a month? If that would cover his outgoings, he should be repaying what he owes. It's very suspicious that he wants you to take that on, and you need to avoid that. It feels to me as though he's held the purse strings which has given him control of you. I could be wrong but I think he's jumping ship before it gets to the point the bank gets unhappy, and you've no guarantee he would pay you what he says he would.

I don't sense any surprise from you that this is happening (I may be wrong) but it feels like the bottom of a slippery slope. I don't know if your personal circumstances have made it difficult for you to work before now, but the fact you are now looking for jobs indicates you could work. With a relatively young child, I could understand you wanting to be at home for them, but having your own income would help a lot. Perhaps your family might help with after school care? 

If you need additional qualifications, have a look on your Council website: I know that at least some councils offer free tuition to adults who don't have basic qualifications in Maths, English and Digital Skills, or would like tuition in interview skills. Also don't forget you have lots of skills as a mum and looking after your home - turn those round so they are things an employer wants like prioritising, budgeting, time keeping, liaising with professionals (GP for your child's needs!).

Thank you for replying.

Unfortunately the only way we get through the month is by using the overdraft in its entirety.

I don't think he really can afford to give me £1000 each month.  He's said if I don't accept the £1000 offered & use it to pay towards the debts then he will take everything and leave me with nothing.

There simply isn't enough money available in this equation to fund two properties and pay for all the debts.

I don't think he realises just how dire this situation is & doesn't want to talk or think about it.

Open your own bank account, switch child benefit to go into that, apply for Universal Credit today. 

You do not have a mortgage or rent so your costs and you said the only car is his so costs should be manageable if approached correctly. How much are your monthly costs below, I have put in some figures that you should be able to make work and/or reduce expenditure to those levels:
Council tax: ?
Energy bill: 120
Water bill: 25
Food (for you and your 11 year old, you should be able to manage on £30-35 per person per week): 210?
Broadband: 20
Mobile (yours only, not his): 20
Monthy travel costs for you and your 11 year old: ?

Those are pretty much the only costs you need to worry about in the short term, everything else can either wait a few months or is not your debts anyway.

You have said he is claiming a pension and you are looking for work, how old are you both? 

Council tax £160-£200
Energy bill £222
Water bill £50
Food (not sure) let's say £200
Broadband / sky £200 (I think)
Mobile £20
Fuel (minimal hardly ever fill up) £50

Council Tax: When your ex moved out you can apply for single person discount and get 25% off, of your adult child stays then they need to start contributing.
Energy: seems high. When he moves out give a closing read, open a new account in your name, coming into spring and summer you should easily be able to get usage down to £100
Water: for two people £20 would be reasonable, if you are on rateable value then get a meter.
Broadband and Sky: that cost is horrific. In your exs name so it goes when he does. You can pay £20 for broadband and do not need Sky.
That means a total of £570 as a core cost, UC and Jobseekers should cover that giving you ti,e to find a job.

Cryingemoji said:

We also currently pay for our adult children's mobile phones and car insurance so I've no idea who will be paying these.  There's also some smaller things like car tax, appliance care (which I should cancel) home insurance etc

Your adult children will need to pay for their own phones and car insurance, they are unaffordable, they were unaffordable before from what you have said but definitely need to self fund now. Appliance care is almost never worth it, get rid of it. You do not own the property so cannot have home insurance, but I am guessing you mean contents insurance, that should be around £20-80 a year.

Cryingemoji said:

I'm in my 40's and he's in his 50's.  He's fortunate in that he already receives his private pension plus he works elsewhere now.

OK, so both a considerable way from state pension age. You need to find a job ASAP, his pensions will get divided up as part of the divorce. 

Cherryfudge

It's a complicated situation, I can see that. Do hold on to the fact of things being paid for the time being - it buys you some thinking time. As various people have said, you need to open a basic bank account for yourself. Unfortunately if there's nothing going into that joint account, at some point you aren't going to be able to draw on it any more and any money you are entitled to may just vanish. That's why having an account with any bits of money (Child Benefit for example) that can't be taken to pay the Utilities, etc, is important. It's also where your husband is a step ahead - he's secured his money where those bills can't touch it.  

Have you had a look through the debt-free wannabe diaries? Debt-free wannabe — MoneySavingExpert Forum You could post your statement of affairs there (I'll try to find you a link) and see what advice you are given. Link back to this diary if you can. Looking through other people's diaries will often give you information, especially in the early pages where people give lots of advice. Over the next few months at least, that community of knowledge and support could be very useful to you.

It sounds as though you will both be dependent on the overdraft for the rest of this month and after that, as you know, you will be more or less dependent on his good will. However, you have certain things in your favour: the house comes rent free (though you said that as though it may not always be so?), you have family who will help you, your two older children are adults so can be responsible for themselves. 

Cryingemoji

Thank you both.  I'm trying to take everything on board.  I appreciate it so much.

I've seen that I can request an hour's financial advice with the bank, would something like that be advisable do you think? 

MattMattMattUK

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