Ex removing his wages.

Cryingemoji

belfastgirl23 said:

Some fantastic advice here. What I’m hearing from you is that you are really overwhelmed which is unsurprising given that this has come out of a clear blue sky for you. So I’d say take things in stages and be ok with that. Be very kind to yourself about it - you’ve had a dreadful shock and it’s ok to just cope with the bit you can cope with today. In fact every time you do something give yourself a seriously big pat on the back because you deserve it.

Firstly I think you need to be clear both in your own head and with your family what your husband is doing. At best, I’d say he is way over his head financially and is hoping to dig himself out and leave you buried with the responsibility and the worry while he sails off to a new life and decides how much money he will give you. So whilst you can be amicable you need to be very clear that he is NOT your friend and NOT acting in your best interests and you need to protect yourself and your children, especially the one still living at home. Just noticing too that I think your instincts have been pretty good on this so I’m saying this to back up what you are feeling yourself - you are absolutely right to refuse to take on the joint account and responsibility for the debts. I honestly can’t see any benefit to you from that arrangement - I can see the short term attraction of not being broke but I don’t think 15 years of worry while you repay the debts is going to be a fair trade off. 

I’d focus on today’s problems first. Get the basic bank account and apply for Universal Credit. Before you officially ask to close the joint account I’d also do a big food shop from it and potentially also buy e.g. £100 of shopping vouchers to carry you through with fresh food. At least that way you’d get through the first month or so with enough to eat. Yes it will run up the overdraft but to me that’s the most important because you will feel better knowing you can eat and feed your child. Hopefully by then Universal Credit and your Child Allowance will give you a bit of breathing space (and there are food banks too). So once you’ve done that, the second phase is freezing the direct debits so you don’t run up more debt and closing the joint account, ideally in the next week or so. This will also involve making sure that all of your husband’s direct debits go to his new account - for loans, cars etc and stopping paying anything for adult children unless your husband decides he will take over those debits. If you think your husband will try to talk you out of it then just go in and do it yourself - after all he acted unilaterally in his decision making and that gives you permission to do likewise. He will most likely be angry about this so prepare yourself for that - it is not you being unreasonable here and it is not your job to make him happy any more, it’s your job to protect yourself and your child. 

Phase two will be to think about other things both fixed costs - utilities, council tax, water etc - and other costs such as broadband/phone/food. I’d suggest going to the debt free wannabe board and asking there what you can do once you have clarity over what these are. They will be great on whether and how to approach companies to ask for breathing space on the fixed costs, whether or how to move across direct debits to your new account. They will also be able to advise how long it will take until someone wants to e.g. cut off your water or electric which I think will come as a relief to you because I’d guess it would be quite a while.  They will also help with how to cut back on costs too. But this is phase 2, so just focus on phase 1 for now. As an observation - that’s a lot you’re paying on the utilities - do you think you might be in credit with the utility companies? That would also help if so. 

I know you’ll also be job hunting and again going to reiterate what I said at the start, be kind to yourself on this. It’s ok to pace yourself with it, especially if you haven’t been in the job market for a while. 

Remember, one step at a time. Congratulate yourself when you take that step because it is hard and you are doing it. And good luck!

Wow thank you for all the advice.  I'm just having a good read through everything..

Martico

I don't want to read and run, so just popping by to say good luck with everything - you have a lot of great advice here, I really hope you can turn things around and get yourself into a good place personally and financially

Section62

OP, there have been a couple of mentions of "basic bank account" in the thread - just to clarify, you don't want or need one of them.  You just need a standard current account in your sole name, preferably one which isn't in the same banking group as the one you currently have.

Personally I'd open the account with a different bank first, but then open a second new sole current account with your existing bank.  Don't put a significant amount of money in this account, because the bank could use it to 'offset' debts in the joint account, but having a long relationship with a bank tends to be a plus and if things go better than expected you may not benefit by severing your relationship with the existing bank. As a first step you need only make sure your husband cannot rack up debt (or spend your money) via the joint account, hence the need for you to move to a new sole account.

"Basic" bank accounts are for people who can't get standard current accounts - for example those with bad credit. The facilities are limited and you normally wouldn't be able to go overdrawn.  It is also likely your application will get turned down because you already have an account, albeit joint.  Don't apply for the "basic" account unless you have no other option.

[Deleted User]

Some good suggestions here but I would personally suggest you cancel all direct debits on the account (cancel the overdraft too) and then instruct the bank to remove your name from the joint account. 

Only if they refuse consider putting it into dispute as whilst that will freeze the account, it will make it harder to disassociate from him later with a frozen joint account. 

elsien

[Deleted User] said:

Some good suggestions here but I would personally suggest you cancel all direct debits on the account (cancel the overdraft too) and then instruct the bank to remove your name from the joint account. 

Only if they refuse consider putting it into dispute as whilst that will freeze the account, it will make it harder to disassociate from him later with a frozen joint account. 

It's not necessarily that straightforwards. Some banks require both signatories to agree and if the account is in the red then that may  be another barrier. You can't cancel an overdraft if you are already in it and from the earlier posts it sounds as if the overdraft has been in permanent use. 

Although I agree the OP needs a standard current account and not a basic one. 

eskbanker

belfastgirl23 said:

Before you officially ask to close the joint account I’d also do a big food shop from it and potentially also buy e.g. £100 of shopping vouchers to carry you through with fresh food. At least that way you’d get through the first month or so with enough to eat. Yes it will run up the overdraft but to me that’s the most important because you will feel better knowing you can eat and feed your child.

Just to be clear, banks won't close overdrawn accounts, and they'll typically require consent from both parties to remove one of the account holders (why would the bank release one person from their obligations to repay debt held in joint names), so if the account is overdrawn that just defers the resolution of its fate.  It does seem inevitable that putting the account into disputed/frozen status will be the most realistic way forward at some point in the near future, which makes opening a sole account all the more important, as either party can put the joint account into dispute, but actual closure and full dissociation is likely to take longer....

Cryingemoji

Thank you for all the amazing advice it's so appreciated.  Although I'm feeling very overwhelmed.

@eskbanker yes the account being overdrawn is a major problem as I know they won't close the account with it outstanding.  We've got ourselves in a right mess.

Ex has now agreed that for this next month he'll continue to pay the direct debits on the joint account by transferring his wages back across when he gets them.  But then I'm having to trust what he says as he moves on 19th march & his pay goes in on 21st.  Everything is in his name though so I guess he'll have to keep his word.

MattMattMattUK

Cryingemoji said:

Thank you for all the amazing advice it's so appreciated.  Although I'm feeling very overwhelmed.

@eskbanker yes the account being overdrawn is a major problem as I know they won't close the account with it outstanding.  We've got ourselves in a right mess.

Ex has now agreed that for this next month he'll continue to pay the direct debits on the joint account by transferring his wages back across when he gets them.  But then I'm having to trust what he says as he moves on 19th march & his pay goes in on 21st.  Everything is in his name though so I guess he'll have to keep his word.

If it is in his name, then when he moves out you call the water and energy suppliers and set up your own account, you contact the council and get him taken off the council tax, you ignore all the non-essentials that are not in your name (eg. Sky) as those liabilities sit with him.

Have you got your own bank account yet and started applying for jobs?

Cryingemoji

MattMattMattUK said:

Cryingemoji said:

Thank you for all the amazing advice it's so appreciated.  Although I'm feeling very overwhelmed.

@eskbanker yes the account being overdrawn is a major problem as I know they won't close the account with it outstanding.  We've got ourselves in a right mess.

Ex has now agreed that for this next month he'll continue to pay the direct debits on the joint account by transferring his wages back across when he gets them.  But then I'm having to trust what he says as he moves on 19th march & his pay goes in on 21st.  Everything is in his name though so I guess he'll have to keep his word.

If it is in his name, then when he moves out you call the water and energy suppliers and set up your own account, you contact the council and get him taken off the council tax, you ignore all the non-essentials that are not in your name (eg. Sky) as those liabilities sit with him.

Have you got your own bank account yet and started applying for jobs?

Yes I opened a new bank account yesterday, it says it will take a few days to get the debit card & access to internet banking.

I've been applying for jobs but not heard anything yet...

Cryingemoji

I now have a solicitors appointment.

If anyone can suggest things I should remember to ask.

Thank you