Expensive hen do

Doodles

I don't think your friend is being fair here. You've been honest, and sounds like others have felt similar so maybe why she is experiencing problems with the bridesmaids. You are not the reason for her cancelling.

Maybe think of 2 ideas for a day trip out and see which is the most popular with everyone else?

Candyapple

Help1234 wrote: »

I am the only person though out of 18 that is fretting about the financial side, everyone else is happy with the plans so I feel really anxious to drop out.

Help1234 wrote: »

She said she’s had a lot of problems with her bridesmaids so asked me to help look for something in my budget.

Sounds like all your other friends were just saving face lol.

Are you the bride's best friend/maid of honour or something? Usually the duty of finding a venue/activities falls on that person's shoulders.

It sounds like the bride is peed off that she can't have it abroad and I'm hazarding a guess that since you are the closest friend that she's taking it out on you by making you choose where to go/what to do so that way if anyone complains about it being rubbish - you can be held accountable for not wanting to go abroad.

TBagpuss

Help1234 wrote: »

I know. But I never asked her to cancel and was surprised that was the response. I did intend to go and looked at ways at making it more affordable for myself (going for less time, getting an alternative flight) but in the end things kept getting added on (cost of train to get to airport, luggage fees for Ryanair), and suddenly I felt too overwhelmed. I didn’t mean for it to come across deceitful or like I’d planned to drop out at the last minute all along, that really never was my intention. Now the responsibility has fallen on my shoulders to find something more affordable as I’m responsible for the cancellation.

No, it hasn't, because you aren't.

You explained that *you* couldn't go. SHE then decided to cancel.

By all means offer suggestions f you have ideas, but it is not your responsibility.

You are a guest. You declined the invitation. That's it.

As the bride has asked you, then suggest something simple. "why not meet up for a meal at [local restaurant]?" but actually, you'd be fine to simply say "I couldn't really afford to spend more than £xx in total, but that shouldn't stop you organising what you would like. If I can come,I will, if not, i would still be up for the two of us going out for a celebratory meal, but either way it is fine. I won't be upset if you arrange something which is out of my budget, if that's what you want and the others are up for. Idon't want to spoil your fun, and either way I am looking forward to the wedding")

Help1234

TBagpuss wrote: »

No, it hasn't, because you aren't.

You explained that *you* couldn't go. SHE then decided to cancel.

By all means offer suggestions f you have ideas, but it is not your responsibility.

You are a guest. You declined the invitation. That's it.

As the bride has asked you, then suggest something simple. "why not meet up for a meal at [local restaurant]?" but actually, you'd be fine to simply say "I couldn't really afford to spend more than £xx in total, but that shouldn't stop you organising what you would like. If I can come,I will, if not, i would still be up for the two of us going out for a celebratory meal, but either way it is fine. I won't be upset if you arrange something which is out of my budget, if that's what you want and the others are up for. Idon't want to spoil your fun, and either way I am looking forward to the wedding")

This is fab advice thank you! I am not a bridesmaid or maid of honour, she has 5 bridesmaids. However, it sounds like there has been some falling out behind the scenes or that they haven't been helpful in some way, I'm not sure. But she said she is cancelling because she really wants me to be there, but I suspect there is more to it than that. I've specified my budget and you are right that I should be able to cancel if she still finds something more expensive. I think there is an expectation I will attend now the UK hen do no matter what (planned as 2 nights in the UK), due to me cancelling and it being rearranged. But now I've been totally honest with saying X is my budget, hopefully there can be no misunderstandings.

primrose_penguin

I wouldn't get stressed over this, tell you friend you cannot afford it and will not be coming, like others say if she is a good friend she should understand. No doubt you will also be getting her a wedding present and buying a new outfit for the wedding which will cost a fair bit so I certainly would not feel guilty. I also cannot understand why a hen do has to cost so much and to expect her friends to pay to go where she wants to go is a bit selfish, it all seems to get a bit out of hand. Just wish her a nice time and bow out, I would certainly not get into debt for a boozy weekend which they usually turn out to be.

dawyldthing

Can’t fathom the age but might be worth looking into the butlins themed weekend as they have offers on often or possibly hiring one of them houses. Depends what your all looking to do really.

I went to one once in Newcastle with a firefighter truck, went to see one of the strip shows and went out after, didn’t cost a fortune but was great fun

maisie_cat

A real friend getting married would judge whether or not her friends could afford an expensive hen do before arranging one, or at least ensure that the MOH/CB has instruction to ensure that the do is affordable.

thorsoak

OK - I admit that I am completely out of this loop - but I have to say that I do not understand this generation who seem to expect their friends and relatives to immediately fall in with their fanciful dreams - expensive hen nights and now baby showers! Thank goodness I am now far too old for these shenanigans!

kerri_gt

thorsoak wrote: »

OK - I admit that I am completely out of this loop - but I have to say that I do not understand this generation who seem to expect their friends and relatives to immediately fall in with their fanciful dreams - expensive hen nights and now baby showers! Thank goodness I am now far too old for these shenanigans!

You also forget parents forking out hundreds for limos and dresses for 'Prom' (we called it end of school disco), kids trying to outdo each other with Sweet 16 parties, and ridiculously expensive children's parties. MTV has a lot to answer for.

suejb2

thorsoak wrote: »

OK - I admit that I am completely out of this loop - but I have to say that I do not understand this generation who seem to expect their friends and relatives to immediately fall in with their fanciful dreams - expensive hen nights and now baby showers! Thank goodness I am now far too old for these shenanigans!

Gave you a thanks for the use of shenanigans!