Expensive hen do

Help1234

A close friend of mine has decided to do a hen do abroad. I am really unsure whether or not to go due to the costs. Originally I said I would go for two nights (instead of the three everyone else is going for) to bring down costs. However transport and accommodation is still amounting to £281. The only activity that has so far been arranged is going to cost £100. I’m not sure how much to expect to pay overall but I’m guessing it’s going to come to between £450-£500 for everything. I am the only person though out of 18 that is fretting about the financial side, everyone else is happy with the plans so I feel really anxious to drop out. What would others do?

Comms69

Personally I wouldn't spend £500 on a stag do.






BUT if this is somewhere you've wanted to visit, it's a close friend or family member etc. that would be something to consider.

ScarletBea

I'm always amazed at the selfishness of people who organise this kind of events...

phryne

ScarletBea wrote: »

I'm always amazed at the selfishness of people who organise this kind of events...

ditto, and I'm also amazed at how people with fairly modest incomes 'seem' to be able to afford it! I presume the others are happy to stick it all on the credit card.

Help1234

But then I’m worried I’m being selfish to expect things to be worked around my finances when I’m just one attendee. I have a real issue with the £100 activity but I can’t just sit out of it like a sour grapes

cheeky-peach

I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not the only one who isn’t overly happy about it all. Everyone else is probably trying to keep up with the Jones’ and just go along with the plan, sticking it on a credit card (as mentioned above).

If you can’t afford to go, you can’t afford to go and if the Hen is a good friend she’d understand and hopefully arrange something local for those who can’t attend.

Grumpelstiltskin

Just put your big girl's knickers on and tell the bride you can't afford it.

I know in this day and age it's all about showing off on social media but this does not matter, what does matter is you are not prepared to go into debt for this nonsense.

POPPYOSCAR

Help1234 wrote: »

But then I’m worried I’m being selfish to expect things to be worked around my finances when I’m just one attendee. I have a real issue with the £100 activity but I can’t just sit out of it like a sour grapes

Be honest.

Say upfront you can not afford it.

If they do not understand then they are not a real friend.

PasturesNew

I'd not go.

A hen night is a curry and a few drinks at the local pub, game of darts, fall out the door and home.... maybe via the chippy.

It doesn't involve travelling at great expense and spending vast sums on activities that you're not really interested in...

Just be open and clear. Nobody minds people not going; people just mind ditherers.

pmlindyloo

I don't know how far ahead the hen do is but is there any chance of finding some way to finance this? Extra job/babysitting etc etc ?

How are your finances? Have you a partner/husband/ What does he think?

I know everyone says 'don't go' but I also know that this is a close friend and, deep down, I suspect you would like to go.

To be honest, unless you are in huge debt or your husband is not keen for you to spend the money, then I would see if I could save this before the 'pay day' for the hen do.

After all, it's not likely to occur that often (unless you have lots of close friends!)

Save up and 'go for it' and enjoy yourself.

Before I get jumped on, I will say I absolutely hate these expensive hen/stag dos/weddings abroad but when it actually is you being invited and it's a close friend it is so difficult to say 'I can't afford it'.

Gavin83

Comms69 wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't spend £500 on a stag do.

Would you spend £500 on a holiday? If so why the difference?

ScarletBea wrote: »

I'm always amazed at the selfishness of people who organise this kind of events...

Why? The stag/hen should be free to do what they want, other people are free to tag along or stay at home as they wish. Personally I had a trip to Prague and also a night out in London for those who didn't want to spend that much. Worked out well. Personally I've never been to a stag that wasn't abroad, although in my experience stag do's are generally a bit more exotic than the hen. I even know one friend who attended a week long stag do in Vegas, cost him several thousand.

My advice to the OP would be not to attend if you can't afford it. The bride should understand. Much like choosing to have a wedding abroad if you choose to have a hen do abroad you should respect that some people won't be able to come.