Expensive hen do

SensibleSarah

I've bowed out of things like this in the past due to finances. Just be honest and if people don't understand, they genuinely aren't the kind of friends you want in your life.

Help1234

Thanks for your thoughts. The problem I have is we have just bought a house that needed lots of renovating. We have finished the house now but have been left with £5000 debt (we thought we saved enough but then here we are), which we have put on an interest free virgin card. I feel like it is hanging over my head and I’m desperate to pay it off as soon as possible. My partner works but I’m a funded PhD student bringing in £1200 per month. I finish in 18 months time.
The hen do is end of spring 2019. I could probably pay for the hen do out of our wages but it would mean not paying much off the debt for several months. On top of this it’s my 30th birthday in spring and was really hoping to go away somewhere within the UK for just a couple of days.

TBagpuss

Be honest, tell the bride that while you would love to be able to go, it's simply not in your budget. Suggest that you and she go out and have a nice meal / visit to a cocktail bar / whatever you think she would enjoy that *is* in your budget.

If someone other than the bride is organising it, then contact that person and tell them the same thing, that you would love to be able to go, but it isn't within your budget so you will have to give it a miss. (If it were me, I'd probably send that message openly to the full group, because it's entirely possible that there are others who are in a similar position but haven't felt able to speak up, and if you do, they may feel that they can as well.)

The hen parties I've been to have all been organised taking into account everyone's budget, but of course for that to happen, people do need to be willing to speak up to say if the proposed arrangements won't work.

If you are the only one of 18 who isn't comfortable with that level of spending, that's ok. Don't go, invite the bride out for a drink. If she is your friend she will be fine with that and if she *isn't* fine with it, then maybe take a look at the friendship.

sheramber

In your circumstances I would not go.

Timpu

cheeky-peach wrote: »

If you can’t afford to go, you can’t afford to go and if the Hen is a good friend she’d understand...

^^This, seriously. I've been unable to attend quite a few Hen Dos owing to them being too expensive for me, including one where I was a bridesmaid. My friends/brides have been very understanding, accepted my best wishes for the do and not made a fuss. Frankly, no one is going to remember in years to come, they'll remember nattering with you on the wedding day. Don't fret, honest.

I think you're being sensible in guessing at the £500 mark. Appropriate clothing, food, drinks etc all add up. I don't know what it is about Hen Dos but there is almost always a mysterious short fall that everyone ends up having to cough up for :mad:

SuperPikachu

I should have said no to a stag do I could not afford - ended up costing around the £500 mark and as fun as it was in the end I still regret doing it as it just went on my credit card and added to debt I already had.

Comms69

Gavin83 wrote: »

Would you spend £500 on a holiday? If so why the difference?

- Because a stag do is not a holiday! From memory I needed a holiday to get over the do!

Why? The stag/hen should be free to do what they want, other people are free to tag along or stay at home as they wish. Personally I had a trip to Prague and also a night out in London for those who didn't want to spend that much. Worked out well. Personally I've never been to a stag that wasn't abroad, although in my experience stag do's are generally a bit more exotic than the hen. I even know one friend who attended a week long stag do in Vegas, cost him several thousand.

My advice to the OP would be not to attend if you can't afford it. The bride should understand. Much like choosing to have a wedding abroad if you choose to have a hen do abroad you should respect that some people won't be able to come.

£500 would be better spent taking kids on a weekend to LEGOLAND or similar

gettingtheresometime

Assuming that you'll be invited to the wedding, I wouldn't go to the Hen Party if you can't afford...in fact even if you weren't being invited to the wedding I wouldn't go.


Surely friendship is being about being honest with one another?

badmemory

A hen do that is going to add at least another 10% to your debts! At least you have something to show for the original. One of the things you'll get from the hen do is the knowledge that you have to keep your mouth shut about what at least 2 of the other guests did? - I wrote that as a bit of a joke & then I remembered a friend who went on a couple of these & refused to go on any more for just that reason!

jackieblack

Gavin83 wrote: »

Would you spend £500 on a holiday? If so why the difference?

Because it's comparing apples with oranges :huh:

For me the difference would be that on holiday I go to where I want to go, do what I want to do and spend my money on what I want to spend it on.
On a hen/stag do, you go where someone else has chosen, do things someone else has chosen and have to spend your money on things other people have decided on.

I wouldn't pay £500 to go on a hen do, but I'd spend several times that on a holiday (but then I don't do 'brits abroad'/beach/resort/drinking type holidays)