Expensive hen do

kerri_gt

Ergates wrote: »

There is a point at which expecting events to be organised around your finances would be selfish, but £500 isn't it. Not even close.

motorguy wrote: »

??

£500 is a lot of money for a lot of people. I personally wouldnt be asking other people to spend it on a weekend for my benefit.

Motorguy I actually read this as ergates saying that expecting events that many would consider reasonable around your finances such as a meal out to a chain restaurant, or an afternoon ice skating to be unreasonable / selfish, whereas asking someone to stump up £500 was unreasonable and indeed a lot of money to most.

Help1234

Just to provide an update: I told her as much as I wanted to go, I wasn’t able to afford it and I hoped she had a lovely time and perhaps we could do a day trip in the UK sometime. She was understanding but said she wished I had been honest earlier. She then proceeded to tell me she now planned to cancel the whole thing and do something in the UK instead. She said she’s had a lot of problems with her bridesmaids so asked me to help look for something in my budget.

Primrose

Seems like you werent the only one who was getting the financial Henie jeebies with her proposal then. Hopefully a more satisfactory outcome will be found. Makes you realise it lays to be honest up front even if it means having an uncomfortable conversation.

kerri_gt

I bet a lot of hens will be very glad someone spoke up. It's not just the cost of the hen do, it s all the added extras that seem to creep in (travel not costed for, additional food / drinks, new outfits, chipping in for hen party props etc etc), add to that the cost of the wedding with potentially a hotel, drinks, present, outfit and / or accessories and it just escalates.

Well done for pulling up those big girl pants, it's not always easy.

PasturesNew

PasturesNew wrote: »

Nobody minds people not going; people just mind ditherers.

Help1234 wrote: »

She was understanding but said she wished I had been honest earlier.

Told ya

A "no" to everything's often the way to start - it's easier to get included later/close to the date and be seen as the good guy "making it more fun", than to try to drop out and be seen as the "bad guy who let us all down at the last minute".

Next problem is: you're now somewhere in the frame for her cancelling ..... this wouldn't have happened if you'd opened with a "No, I don't think I can"

Help1234

PasturesNew wrote: »

Next problem is: you're now somewhere in the frame for her cancelling ..... this wouldn't have happened if you'd opened with a "No, I don't think I can"

I know. But I never asked her to cancel and was surprised that was the response. I did intend to go and looked at ways at making it more affordable for myself (going for less time, getting an alternative flight) but in the end things kept getting added on (cost of train to get to airport, luggage fees for Ryanair), and suddenly I felt too overwhelmed. I didn’t mean for it to come across deceitful or like I’d planned to drop out at the last minute all along, that really never was my intention. Now the responsibility has fallen on my shoulders to find something more affordable as I’m responsible for the cancellation.

Abbafan1972

Help1234 wrote: »

Just to provide an update: I told her as much as I wanted to go, I wasn’t able to afford it and I hoped she had a lovely time and perhaps we could do a day trip in the UK sometime. She was understanding but said she wished I had been honest earlier. She then proceeded to tell me she now planned to cancel the whole thing and do something in the UK instead. She said she’s had a lot of problems with her bridesmaids so asked me to help look for something in my budget.

I was going to say Result, but have just read your post afterwards!

I wouldn't risk booking a flight with Ryanair, the way things are with them at the moment!

PasturesNew

Help1234 wrote: »

Now the responsibility has fallen on my shoulders to find something more affordable as I’m responsible for the cancellation.

You need to get the monkey off your shoulders.... and keep it off.

Can you suggest to her that she asks everybody for their ideas and then she can see what seems more popular.... "I've been so absorbed with my house I don't know what's good out there and I'm sure somebody else will have great ideas on where to go as their fingers are so much more on the pulse than mine!" .. you can add a cheeky "... and you deserve the best..." at the end... just for good measure.

Abbafan1972

PasturesNew wrote: »

You need to get the monkey off your shoulders.... and keep it off.

Can you suggest to her that she asks everybody for their ideas and then she can see what seems more popular.... "I've been so absorbed with my house I don't know what's good out there and I'm sure somebody else will have great ideas on where to go as their fingers are so much more on the pulse than mine!" .. you can add a cheeky "... and you deserve the best..." at the end... just for good measure.

I agree with the above - get everyone else's ideas on what they want to do and come to a mutual agreement, rather than just acting on your suggestion, because if it turns out a load of rubbish, then it will be your fault obviously!

adindas

PasturesNew wrote: »

I'd not go.

A hen night is a curry and a few drinks at the local pub, game of darts, fall out the door and home.... maybe via the chippy.

It doesn't involve travelling at great expense and spending vast sums on activities that you're not really interested in...

Just be open and clear. Nobody minds people not going; people just mind ditherers.

Well you defenitely forget the main reason why people wanted to go to Hen or Stag party abroad.

What about pub crawl, getting drunk, one night stand :eek: