Expensive hen do

motorguy

Ergates wrote: »

There is a point at which expecting events to be organised around your finances would be selfish, but £500 isn't it. Not even close.

??

£500 is a lot of money for a lot of people. I personally wouldnt be asking other people to spend it on a weekend for my benefit.

POPPYOSCAR

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

I agree that is awful behaviour but that has nothing to do with the type of Hen do and everything to do with the type of friends!

I stand by my comment it isn't the activity that is the issue its putting pressure on someone to do something they don't want to.

Well it is a bit of both.

Very often these things are arranged without consultation with anyone and then just told the location date etc. and expected to be able to make it regardless.



(The organiser was a friend of the bride but not my daughter)

POPPYOSCAR

motorguy wrote: »

??

£500 is a lot of money for a lot of people. I personally wouldnt be asking other people to spend it on a weekend for my benefit.

I agree.

It is not something I could do either.

gingercordial

Help1234 wrote: »

Thanks for your thoughts. The problem I have is we have just bought a house that needed lots of renovating. We have finished the house now but have been left with £5000 debt (we thought we saved enough but then here we are), which we have put on an interest free virgin card. I feel like it is hanging over my head and I’m desperate to pay it off as soon as possible. My partner works but I’m a funded PhD student bringing in £1200 per month. I finish in 18 months time.
The hen do is end of spring 2019. I could probably pay for the hen do out of our wages but it would mean not paying much off the debt for several months. On top of this it’s my 30th birthday in spring and was really hoping to go away somewhere within the UK for just a couple of days.

I think you're in the fortunate position of having an absolutely genuine and watertight excuse :T Tell the bride you are really sorry but as she knows you have just bought a house which has already turned into a money pit and just cannot make it work. You would have loved to and you hope she has an amazing time, and can you treat her to a drink out back home, but the hen do just isn't possible sadly.

No need to debate wages/debt with her, just repeat (if required), "I'm sorry, I just can't do it."

It would be harder (social pressure-wise) if you hadn't bought the house. Lots of people get railroaded into this kind of thing when they have other debts that they don't want to disclose, or just want to live within their means or have other financial priorities but feel uncomfortable saying that, whereas you have the house purchase to point to and blame it on.

I guarantee at least one of the other 18 is worried about the cost too!

gingercordial

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree.

It is not something I could do either.

Sometimes it isn't the bride's fault (sometimes it is of course).

For my hen do my chief bridesmaid was in charge - it was supposed to be a surprise for me and she loves organising parties. I had no idea what was going on until one of my other bridesmaids contacted me, really upset because she was struggling with debt and couldn't afford whatever the plans were and felt that therefore she should drop out of being a bridesmaid :eek: Of course I told her not to be so silly and that it didn't mean she had to drop out of that, but in any case I went to the chief bridesmaid and told her that whatever she was planning was too much and needed to be reined in. She is wealthy so probably had not thought at all and was just getting carried away.

I still have no idea what it might have been. We ended up having a fun night out (dinner, bar, club) in my home town with people who didn't live there crashing at mine afterwards. That was all I wanted anyway, not some massive thing abroad.

Thank god my bridesmaid was brave enough to say something to me. I know she had got herself in quite a state over it before messaging me, poor thing. Anyway, sometimes it is unthinking hens not a bridezilla!

pollypenny

andydownes123 wrote: »

Can you help with the planning to cut costs. I'm afraid £500 is quite normal nowadays for a stag/hen do in the UK. I actually did my own reerach on accomodation when the best man said it would be £120 for accomodation each...I just couldn't believe it....managed to get the accomodation down to £30 each based on three sharing. It helped a lot.

And young people complain when they can't afford to save for a deposit on a house! :cool:

Red-Squirrel_2

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

I agree that is awful behaviour but that has nothing to do with the type of Hen do and everything to do with the type of friends!

I stand by my comment it isn't the activity that is the issue its putting pressure on someone to do something they don't want to.

Sometimes the organiser is a sister or sister in law or a cousin or a best friend from school that most of the current social circle aren’t actually friends with.

Then you have to navigate not hurting the feelings of the bride you actually care about and who probably has no idea of the bad behaviour, with not being pushed around by the hen do chief!

Gigervamp

If B2Bs only want a nice evening out, they should make that crystal clear to whoever is organising the hen do, maybe with the threat of the organiser being uninvited to the wedding if they decide that they know better!


I've seen a few posts by B2Bs who had experiences like gingercordial, and they only found out it was all getting out of hand when one of the hens was brave enough to tell the bride.



So many problems in this world could be sorted if only people were more assertive.

suejb2

Be it £500 or a fiver.

Time to put on your 'big girl' pants and open your mouth.

Primrose

I'd out on my big girl knickers and be honest. Just say "I'm really sorry and I hope you have a lovely time but I honestly can't afford it"

The more people like you have the courage to stand up and be honest, thequicker this ridiculouslycoercive habit may hopefully hit the dust.