Expensive hen do

EmmyLou30

I had to turn down hen dos in my 20's as I didn't have the cash but the bride always understood. Now in my 30's I could afford to go where I pleased but I have still turned down a hen do where I didn't think £300 for a weekend where I didn't want to do a single thing that was planned was a good way to spend my cash! (all drinking based and I'm tee-total). That was a hard one as I did want to go on her hen do if she'd been doing something different, but really wouldn't have enjoyed even one part of it had I gone with what was planned so put my big girl pants on and was honest with her - she was cool with that. As others have said, your friend will know you've just been doing the house and will understand.


Personally for my own I wanted go karting, then a curry, then the local pub. I had at least half my friends who didn't want to kart and I was fine with that. I also had a bridesmaid that came anyway despite it not being her thing and I was massively grateful for that too. That's how friends are, they accept peoples choices. If I'd planned something expensive I'd have been understanding that some of my friends couldn't afford it.

coffeehound

This article is worth a read

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/224edd0e-e93e-407a-8642-323b61e2d648

Pollycat

coffeehound wrote: »

This article is worth a read

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/224edd0e-e93e-407a-8642-323b61e2d648

More fool her (imho).
That £2k would (almost) get me & OH to Bali for 3 weeks.
There's no way I'd spend that on a hen do, regardless of how close a friend.
I think she says it all when she says brides-to-be are trying to outdo the last one.
Pretty sad, imho.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I've found with Hen Dos that late in the proceedings someone pipes up with "oh, but we can't expect the hen to pay, so we all have to split her costs", adding yet more expense.

It's not all about money either; there's complications for those who work shifts, those who have limited annual leave, and childcare responsibilities to sort. And if you're around the age of 30, you may have multiple hen/stags and weddings to fork out for (I had 6 one summer).

A trip abroad is fine, providing there's also a local night out option to keep it reasonable. Do you have this option, OP?

Gigervamp

The trouble with these types of hen dos, is that people feel obliged to go. The OP of this thread is not the only person to have started a thread about this, across many forums. And despite all the advice about not going, they often still end up going, because of peer pressure. The ones who are going will often pressurise anyone thinking of not going, and they end up giving in, often getting into debt to finance it, along with the costs of the wedding too.


More people need to put their big girl pants on and stand firm, and then maybe future brides to be, will be more sensible in their choice of hen do.


I hope the OP doesn't go, because she can't afford it, and doesn't want to, but the fact that she had to ask, shows that she's not sure of her own convictions, and could easily be railroaded into it.

System

Can you help with the planning to cut costs. I'm afraid £500 is quite normal nowadays for a stag/hen do in the UK. I actually did my own reerach on accomodation when the best man said it would be £120 for accomodation each...I just couldn't believe it....managed to get the accomodation down to £30 each based on three sharing. It helped a lot.

Gavin83

Ergates wrote: »

There is a point at which expecting events to be organised around your finances would be selfish, but £500 isn't it. Not even close.

I guess it would mainly come down to your finances and that of your friends. For some £500 would be an awful lot of money, for others it's peanuts.

onlyroz wrote: »

There’s a big difference between spending £500 going somewhere you’ve chosen and spending the same going to somebody else’s choice and using up your precious annual leave in the process. As for people being “free to stay at home as they wish” it’s not as simple as that if it’s a close friend. I hope you enjoyed your trip to Prague but I bet some of your attendees in all honesty would have preferred a night down the pub.

I've already responded to this but I'll clarify this again. It'll depend on what you consider a holiday and if the stag/hen do is somewhere you wish to go. For some people a stag/hen do will be the best type of holiday, their only opportunity for a weekend away without their OH. For others it's their worst nightmare. You clearly fall into the later category, which is fine, but it won't be the same for everyone.

It really is as simple as staying at home, at least if you've got decent friends.

And yes, I did enjoy my weekend in Prague, thanks for asking. It's also worth pointing out I didn't arrange it, or even pick the destination (it was a group effort) and everyone had a good time. Some friends didn't come as they couldn't afford it but naturally it didn't affect our friendships. I don't really expect you to understand but you don't know my friends. Everyone had a good time and there really was no pressure to attend.

As I also said previously I did have a night down the pub as well for those who couldn't come to Prague which was also a great night out. A couple came to both but most chose one or the other.

To be honest I wasn't fussed what people did, just wanted everyone to have a good time. I'd have gone to Prague if it was just two or three of us. In the end however we had a decent crowd.

POPPYOSCAR

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

If the OP can't or doesn't want to spend that kind of money that is entirely her choice and right, and the bride as her friend should respect that.

However can we please stop saying how inconsiderate it is of the bride to have a hen do abroad. For some people (especial if single) these type of group holidays (which is really what this is) can be really good and very enjoyable.

I think the problem very often though is the pressure felt to go along.


Our daughter had this when she told the organiser of a hen night that she could not go.

She told her she could not afford it, could not get there as it was an hour drive away and that she could not take the time off work to get there anyway as she had just started in her job.

She told her to ask me for a loan, ask me to drive her there, and take the day oiff sick as that was what she was doing!

She made her feel really bad about the whole thing.

Pollycat

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think the problem very often though is the pressure felt to go along.


Our daughter had this when she told the organiser of a hen night that she could not go.

She told her she could not afford it, could not get there as it was an hour drive away and that she could not take the time off work to get there anyway as she had just started in her job.

She told her to ask me for a loan, ask me to drive her there, and take the day oiff sick as that was what she was doing!

She made her feel really bad about the whole thing.

I'd say that was pretty inconsiderate, Poppy.
Sure, it might not have been the bride-to-be (you say 'organiser') but still a heavy load to lay on someone.

Soundgirlrocks

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think the problem very often though is the pressure felt to go along.


Our daughter had this when she told the organiser of a hen night that she could not go.

She told her she could not afford it, could not get there as it was an hour drive away and that she could not take the time off work to get there anyway as she had just started in her job.

She told her to ask me for a loan, ask me to drive her there, and take the day oiff sick as that was what she was doing!

She made her feel really bad about the whole thing.

I agree that is awful behaviour but that has nothing to do with the type of Hen do and everything to do with the type of friends!

I stand by my comment it isn't the activity that is the issue its putting pressure on someone to do something they don't want to.