Relationship, Step kid, moving in - Am I being Unreasonable?

UplandHigh

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

And, on that unpleasant note, I,for one, am out.

I'm sorry you feel like that the post wasn't aimed at you. I am getting sick of some of the judgmental posts everyone else has been constructive including you, that poster I replied to pressed my buttons.

I asked for posts about Am i being unreasonable. But some posters believe that they can spout anything and not expect a reaction.

bagpussbear

Spendless wrote: »

I frequently refer to my children as 'the kids' I don't see why a singular version for an only child, should be so picked up on, especially when the OP has already pointed out more than once it's a local dialect he's using.

For me, I think the term "kid" sounds cold given the context of the rest of the OPs paragraphs.

He doesn't even refer to "her kid" but simply "the kid", which to an outsider like me, sounds like he couldn't have depersonalised her son more if he tried.

But he has explained about the Liverpool dialect thing, so that helps to put it into perspective that he did not intend it to sound like it is coming across to others, like me.

WibblyGirly

I don't think your being unreasonable at all. When I was single I refused to even consider dating a man with children as I do not want that responsibility. I don't even want my own one day.
I think your partner needs consider a different job that fits with school hours. I think what your offering her is very generous (you paying all bills). I'd also be annoyed very quickly if I had to work/childcare constantly while my partner had 3 days to relax.

UplandHigh

bagpussbear wrote: »

For me, I think the term "kid" sounds cold given the context of the rest of the OPs paragraphs.

He doesn't even refer to "her kid" but simply "the kid", which to an outsider like me, sounds like he couldn't have depersonalised her son more if he tried.

But he has explained about the Liverpool dialect thing, so that helps to put it into perspective that he did not intend it to sound like it is coming across to others, like me.

If the child was related to me I would have used the phrase 'Our Kid' such as in my child or a brother etc. As the child isn't related to me I used the phrase 'The kid' I am sorry for any confusion it wasn't meant to be cold. It is just a local dialect.

bagpussbear

UplandHigh wrote: »

If the child was related to me I would have used the phrase 'Our Kid' such as in my child or a brother etc. As the child isn't related to me I used the phrase 'The kid' I am sorry for any confusion it wasn't meant to be cold. It is just a local dialect.

I understand :-)

OP I hope you don't feel I came across harsh, my posts were not meant to offend, rather just to offer a stranger's perspective on the matter. I hope you are able to find a resolution that fits well with all three of you, best of luck with it

harrys_nan

I don't think you should be moving in together, she is expecting a lot from you re childcare. If you reduce your working hours to help out with childcare then you will be at risk further down the line if you fall behind on your mortgage or other financial commitments.
She needs to change her job and work different hours so she can at least help out. She is gaining a lot, you seem to be losing out.
Don't worry re the "kid" word, I'm a southerner living in the Midlands and I call my grandsons "kids" sometimes and I love them with all my heart

UplandHigh

bagpussbear wrote: »

I understand :-)

OP I hope you don't feel I came across harsh, my posts were not meant to offend, rather just to offer a stranger's perspective on the matter. I hope you are able to find a resolution that fits well with all three of you, best of luck with it

No problems, no offence taken it is hard to remember sometimes on these online forums even though we are all using English local dialects can complicate the matter. I am so used to saying kid, kids, our kid, and so on that I forget that in other parts of the country people don't use the word in the same manner. Like the other week I was talking to a business associate casually outside of work and he was asking for directions. I told him to just follow the cut. He phoned me later that day asking to confirm what the cut was. He didn't know that Cut meant Canal as it wasn't used in his part of the country

The funniest was about a month a go in a bar in Birmingham a bloke asked me what Geggin'in meant. He told me that he had been in Liiverpool a week earlier and someone told him to stop geggin'in.... It means stop being nosey if you didn't know...it made me laugh and I had to ask what he had been doing.

Have a great Christmas.

Glad

would it be possible for your girlfriend to drop her son off at her mothers on the 2 days she works, her mum could take him to school, pick him up and one of you could collect him from there after work, then grandma gets to spend time with him too

svain

I think you should run a mile. Your g/f sounds to me like a nightmare and your her way out. If you genuinely feel there is a future I would hold off moving in together until the "kid" (ignore the precocious flowers that criticise you for that word as your explanation is perfectly reasonable ) is into secondary school and old enough to be left home alone when necessary

UplandHigh

Glad wrote: »

would it be possible for your girlfriend to drop her son off at her mothers on the 2 days she works, her mum could take him to school, pick him up and one of you could collect him from there after work, then grandma gets to spend time with him too

Not sure that would be possible as my partner starts work at 7:30am (outside of rush hour) from my house to her mothers it would take about 35 mins to drive across the city. From her mothers to her place of work it would take about a further 25 minutes. In reality that would mean getting the child up at about 5:30am. I think that might be detrimental to him and his school day.