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How do i keep everyone happy?
Comments
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The difference in attitudes between threads is interesting.
In this thread -
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5500172 -
"I'm in my 30's and living at home again
my Mum wants me to start paying something.
She thinks I should pay them £50 a week"
the consensus was that the OP shouldn't be scrounging off her parents and should pay up at least £50 a week.
On the other hand, three people having a complete house to themselves - in this thread - and most people think that they shouldn't be expected to pay anything.0 -
The difference in attitudes between threads is interesting.
In this thread -
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5500172 -
"I'm in my 30's and living at home again
my Mum wants me to start paying something.
She thinks I should pay them £50 a week"
the consensus was that the OP shouldn't be scrounging off her parents and should pay up at least £50 a week.
On the other hand, three people having a complete house to themselves - in this thread - and most people think that they shouldn't be expected to pay anything.
The Mum wants the money for her house, the Wife in this case to me is not hers and it's the OP's choice.0 -
The Mum wants the money for her house, the Wife in this case to me is not hers and it's the OP's choice.
That doesn't change the position of the people living in the houses - why would one group not be expected to pay a tiny weekly amount because of the (perceived on here - with no evidence) attitude of the owner's wife?0 -
Op, I don't think you can make both your wife and Dad happy - their preferences are mutually exclusive. Your Dad will only be happy if the status quo remains. Your wife wants it to change.
You need to find a way to come to terms with the fact that you can't please them both, and then figure out what you want to do with the house. Once you've made your decision, explain it clearly to both of them and follow through. That's all you can do on the house score.
On the lying front - you have your work cut out there. This has been a long, planned deception. Over the course of 5 years there will have been plenty of opportunities to 'fess up, which you have chosen not to take.
I understand it is difficult to have conversations which may lead to confrontation or disagreement, but lying is not the solution. Either your relationship with your wife is good enough that it's ok to express differing views or it's not in a good place, and you have bigger problems than outlined here. I think you need to work together to get to the bottom of why you felt it was better to lie and hopefully find a way forward that will strengthen your relationship.0 -
It amazes me that some folk seem to think that to retire early and go travelling on your own hard earned money is a selfish indulgence yet it is okay for 3 adults to live rent free for years on the shoulders of one person. This rent free life is justified because he is a relative and the only one who managed to pull himself up by the bootstraps and buy a property.
It is a ridiculous situation and his wife certainly has the right to question it. I think however it would be better for the father to remain in the house for the rest of his days because if the house is sold and split the other two will eventually get their hands on the proceeds as part of their inheritance and they really don't deserve that. The house should stay in the son's name only.
I can just about understand supporting the father, although from the sound of it he was an appalling parent, but the siblings moved in without permission and therefore he should give them the choice of paying rent or the alternative is to move out. This rent paying should include a tenancy agreement to avoid any misunderstandings after the father is deceased.The forest would be very silent if no birds sang except for the birds that sang the best0 -
That doesn't change the position of the people living in the houses - why would one group not be expected to pay a tiny weekly amount because of the (perceived on here - with no evidence) attitude of the owner's wife?
I hope read the question correctly:
With the other thread, the Mum is requesting the money as it's her house.
With this one, the house is the OP's and it's his choice whether he charges rent, not hers. This is the attitude I get from the wife:Piggyplank wrote: »
My OH resents the fact that they all live in what is essentially my house, don’t pay any rent and she thinks we should sell the house and pay off our own current mortgage to speed up our retirement plans.It amazes me that some folk seem to think that to retire early and go travelling on your own hard earned money is a selfish indulgence yet it is okay for 3 adults to live rent free for years on the shoulders of one person.
Which post?0 -
Im under the impression that theyre unfit to work due to anxiety and depression as the OP stated.
Forgive me, my understanding is that if someone is your wife, you are in a marital relationship, maybe i should've extrapolated further.
The OP hasnt really helped themselves and by trying to please everyone risks making it worse. There is fairly easy solutions to resolve it, it just depends how much of a 'bad' person the OP wants to be.
All ive said is i woudlnt reneg on an arrangement i was originally happy with, with my family, because i got a new Mrs and decided i want to retire earlier. I know my parents made sacrifices for me i owe them my life and no amount of stiffing me with regards to money will change that.
@ Ska lover - replaceable but you would either have to pay someone else more or employ a few different people
The reason I picked you up on it was that you said you would give up a relationship for a father and siblings. I therefore assumed you thought it was a casual relationship. I think that someone's marital partner must come before siblings or even parents. The woman he is with is the person he has chosen to spend his life with. It is the most important relationship in anyone's life along with one's own children. That is what makes up your immediate family unit when you are an adult, your partner and any children - not parents and certainly not siblings. Unless you are single of course. Giving up that kind of relationship is asking someone to give up their life.The forest would be very silent if no birds sang except for the birds that sang the best0 -
OP, sorry if I've missed this but how much is the house worth & how much is the outstanding mortgage on the property you live in with your wife?
My thinking is, let's say the house your dad & siblings live in is worth £100k and your outstanding mortgage is £60k, could you sell the house (Dad's one), pay off your mortgage and give him the balance? He could then use it to help himself rent somewhere and then it's his choice if your siblings move with him and help with rent/bills.
That way, you've helped your dad, who you feel (maybe?) you should still help but your siblings, who have a huge sense of entitlement have to help themselves.
How would that sit with your wife?0 -
Lady 1964. That course of thought and action has already been suggested several times during the course of the thread.
The main trouble appears to be that OP is so mixed up and afraid of rocking the boat that he has allowed them to get away with murder for years. He is, apparently, too nice for his own good and would rather shut up and suppress his resentment than speak plainly and sort something out for the good of all.
It seems to me that he either speaks up and they thrash something out that doesn't disadvantage any one of them too badly or instead waits until the whole pot boils over in resentment and rage and then there is no going back nor retracting what was said in the heat of the moment.
OP's choice but he has had the advice of us all and now must thrash out, with his wife hopefully, where they go from here.0 -
I hope read the question correctly:
With the other thread, the Mum is requesting the money as it's her house.
With this one, the house is the OP's and it's his choice whether he charges rent, not hers. This is the attitude I get from the wife:
Which post?
13, 35, 63. I can't go through the whole thread.The forest would be very silent if no birds sang except for the birds that sang the best0
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