How do i keep everyone happy?

seven-day-weekend

I would ask his siblings to pay the £50 a week between them out of their Benefits (they won't have any other overheads) and the dad to pay for any repairs that might arise..

Pollycat

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Agreed, although i still cant see the wife as totally blameless or 100% right.
She may be right in that they are taking advantage, but i still see her early retirement plans are a manipulation of a purely self driven agenda, not taking into account her husbands feelings/stress on the matter.
He needs to be more assertive, but she also needs to look to her motives.

Do you see it that way?

Although I've alluded to this thread in one of my earlier posts, I wasn't going to post it but I feel - as do a number of other posters - that the wife is getting a (imho) undeserved rough time.

So, this thread started by the OP 18 months ago seems to indicate that he's pretty keen on maximising his and his wife's investments to attain that early retirement that you think is the wife's self-driven agenda.

Piggyplank wrote: »

I’m trying to get some ideas/thoughts on my current situation for myself (age 40) and my Partner (age 43).

Apologies if there is a lot of info. but I’m a bit of a novice when it comes to finances and want to provide as much detail as possible.

My salary is approx. £20k p/a with a pension pot of £3k, there is currently £320 pcm going into my Pru Group premier pension which includes both my contribution and the maximum my employer will contribute. I also have a BC&e Easybuild (85% shares) pension which is valued at £24k and at the moment there are no contributions going into this at all.

My Partners salary approx. £34k with a pension pot of £73k total contributions going into this £390 pcm (inc. max employer contributions).

We also have one property mortgage free, valued approx. £130k and one valued £150k with £73k remaining on a 21yr mortgage and both houses are rented out. Our current house is valued £185k and has a 21yr mortgage left of about £42k and we are overpaying this by £80pcm to hopefully pay this off early.

In additional I have an Aviva S&S ISA invested in UK Growth fund worth £15k to which I contribute £100pcm

Our plan is to keep things as flexible as possible and try and retire or semi retire between the age 55-60 mark and ideally we want min, £25k+ p/a combined income to retire on. Do people think we are on the right track and what is the best way to maximise our assets to get to where we want to be?

I could probably squeeze another £60 - £70pcm would it be more beneficial to pay more into my Pru pension or start contributions into my Easybuild pension again or would the best option be to transfer my EB pension into the Pru one and pay into that? I’m not sure of the benefits of a premier group pension but presumably I would be getting some sort of discount in the management charges?

My partner and I work for the same organisation and have the same pension scheme but we have noticed that the fund she invests in is Invesco Perp Income fund and the one I invest in is Pru M&G Dividend pension, hers seems to be doing a lot better in comparison over the past five years presumably I can switch to this fund myself at any time without penalties or would be wiser to stick with the fund I have?.

Alternatively would the better option be to pay off one of the mortgages quicker and increase our contributions to both pensions when we can increase the contributions by a lot more?

Any comments or insight would be greatly appreciated.

Pollycat

jumpingjackd wrote: »

OPs dad is 69 and he paid most of the bills in the early years although OP paid mortgage so in reality its likely a 50/50 split although ops name on title deeds............ could one have managed without the other then? Probably not.

At 69 to suddenly find yourself being made homeless must be very daunting. On a basic penson where is he going to go now.

Brother and sister should be made to pay rent as they cannot reasonably assume to live rent and bills free, they need to take some responsibility

He wouldn't be facing homelessness (although I'm not convinced he is actually facing that) if he had agreed to pay what most posters see as a very reasonable rent of £50 per week - which actually covers 3 adults.

The OP says his wife was OK with that amount.
It's the Father's refusal to pay anything and the OP's lies to his wife about his Father not paying that have resulted in this situation.

AylesburyDuck

Pollycat wrote: »

Do you see it that way?

Although I've alluded to this thread in one of my earlier posts, I wasn't going to post it but I feel - as do a number of other posters - that the wife is getting a (imho) undeserved rough time.

So, this thread started by the OP 18 months ago seems to indicate that he's pretty keen on maximising his and his wife's investments to attain that early retirement that you think is the wife's self-driven agenda.

Absolutely i see it that way, sorry but i absolutely do.
With some men i find actions speak louder than words, they can say one thing to keep the peace while absolutely doing another. And the ommitted actions speak volumes.
As for the second long quote from him, i am now confuzzled, 18 months ago he states should he pay off one of his mortgages? He states in this thread one is paid off and has been before he got married. Or has he got 3 houses.
Truely confused now.
I'm sorry my opinion seems to annoy you Pollycat, but its only an opinion.

Edit.
Reread, He has three houses. Didnt change my opinion.

Pollycat

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Absolutely i see it that way, sorry but i absolutely do.
With some men i find actions speak louder than words, they can say one thing to keep the peace while absolutely doing another. And the ommitted actions speak volumes.
As for the second long quote from him, i am now confuzzled, 18 months ago he states should he pay off one of his mortgages? He states in this thread one is paid off and has been before he got married. Or has he got 3 houses.
Truely confused now.
I'm sorry my opinion seems to annoy you Pollycat, but its only an opinion.

Edit.
Reread, He has three houses. Didnt change my opinion.

Your opinion doesn't annoy me at all.

As the OP didn't mention in this thread that he'd bought 3 houses, I'm guessing that the 3rd house probably belonged to the OP's wife and they are renting it out (a fact confirmed by the OP in his earlier thread).
So it's OK for her to put her assets into the matrimonial pot but not his?

Given the extra information provided in the other thread (but omitted by the OP in this one) it's my opinion that the OP's wife has every reason to be annoyed by both her FIL & in-laws attitude and the long-term lies told by her husband.

Me and my OH were in a similar situation.
Both had houses when we met.
Both went into the pot.
Both had pension pots.
We too were working towards early retirement (now achieved).

Maybe that's why I can empathise with the OP's wife and you can't.

AylesburyDuck

Pollycat wrote: »

Your opinion doesn't annoy me at all.

As the OP didn't mention in this thread that he'd bought 3 houses, I'm guessing that the 3rd house probably belonged to the OP's wife and they are renting it out (a fact confirmed by the OP in his earlier thread).
So it's OK for her to put her assets into the matrimonial pot but not his?

Given the extra information provided in the other thread (but omitted by the OP in this one) it's my opinion that the OP's wife has every reason to be annoyed by both her FIL & in-laws attitude and the long-term lies told by her husband.

Me and my OH were in a similar situation.
Both had houses when we met.
Both went into the pot.
Both had pension pots.
We too were working towards early retirement (now achieved).

Maybe that's why I can empathise with the OP's wife and you can't.

Yes, i would say thats exactly why you can empathise, very similar.

skattykatty

Hi OP, I read the first few pages, including your answers and then, admittedly, skimmed through the rest so apologies if this has already been said.

You have come a long way from the childhood you went through and having shared that with your wife is testament to the strength of your relationship with her. I imagine she has strong feelings about what happened to you and the, seeming, inability of your father to protect you (this is my sense of your opening post but may be wildly inaccurate.) You sound like you became father (and mother) to your family and have continued to fulfil that role for years.

I think in your need to please both your wife and your dad, you have forgotten yourself. I understand you feel that you have dealt with the 'demons' of your childhood, however I imagine their shadows live on in how challenging you find it to lay down limits or boundaries to other people's behaviour, which may feel like bullying.

I think you've said that YOU feel resentful. This is something you have to face and figure out if anything needs to be done. You cannot please everyone, but you can find a way to assert what YOU want. You have worked so hard to 'do the right thing' by others that you have got lost somewhere. You must find your own voice. You could do that by taking time to reflect or by seeing a counsellor for a few sessions to 'hear' your voice.

Piggyplank

Sorry it’s very difficult to get all elements of my situation across. Both my wife and I are both saving hard to make early retirement a possibility, we do have an additional house from my OH’s previous marriage but this had to be re-mortgaged to split with her former husband. This is rented out and will be used as part of the retirement plans.

Part of the thinking of early retirement is I had a very bad knee injury playing football years ago (from this I got a very large compensation pay out 150k) but the injury is likely to have an effect on my walking as I get older.

As you can see we are in a reasonable situation financially and perhaps that was part of my reasoning when I lied about the £50p/w payments to my OH.

I feel that my OH has a very low opinion of my father and the rest of my family, the points she makes about my dad being irresponsible are very valid. He has made more money as a self-employed builder over his lifetime than I have in the jobs I have done, yet doesn’t have any savings or additional pension income. I think she thinks I see my dad through rose tinted glasses and do not see his faults, maybe this is true but I don’t see any situation where I can force my dad to look for a new home.

Looking back I have made some huge mistakes but I am someone who always takes responsibility for my actions. In my eagerness to want to help and although through good intentions I have created an impossible situation for myself.

It is clear to me that there is no way I can ask my dad to leave but I feel deeply let down by my family, is this a good enough reason to fall out with them I just don’t know.

breaking_free

Piggyplank wrote: »

"... I don’t see any situation where I can force my dad to look for a new home.".

Excellent. You have made a decision so stick with it. Let's take the idea of dad moving out off the table.

What you have to look at now is how you can work things out for the best within the bounds of that decision. Dad is staying, but there's no reason not to charge him AND your siblings rent. Will you broach this subject with them (again)?

Pollycat

Piggyplank wrote: »

Sorry it’s very difficult to get all elements of my situation across. Both my wife and I are both saving hard to make early retirement a possibility, we do have an additional house from my OH’s previous marriage but this had to be re-mortgaged to split with her former husband. This is rented out and will be used as part of the retirement plans.

Part of the thinking of early retirement is I had a very bad knee injury playing football years ago (from this I got a very large compensation pay out 150k) but the injury is likely to have an effect on my walking as I get older.

As you can see we are in a reasonable situation financially and perhaps that was part of my reasoning when I lied about the £50p/w payments to my OH.

I feel that my OH has a very low opinion of my father and the rest of my family, the points she makes about my dad being irresponsible are very valid. He has made more money as a self-employed builder over his lifetime than I have in the jobs I have done, yet doesn’t have any savings or additional pension income. I think she thinks I see my dad through rose tinted glasses and do not see his faults, maybe this is true but I don’t see any situation where I can force my dad to look for a new home.

Looking back I have made some huge mistakes but I am someone who always takes responsibility for my actions. In my eagerness to want to help and although through good intentions I have created an impossible situation for myself.

It is clear to me that there is no way I can ask my dad to leave but I feel deeply let down by my family, is this a good enough reason to fall out with them I just don’t know.

He doesn't need to have any savings or additional pension income when he has a son who allows him to live rent-free.

I think you should take those rose-tinted glasses off.
They are clearly clouding your ability to see your Father for what he is - profligate and full of entitled-ness.

I hope you can salvage your relationship.
As you might have read from my last post, me and OH were in a similar situation to you and your wife and I would have found your 5 year long deceit very hard to forgive.
I see it as bad as a partner running up debts in secret.