How do i keep everyone happy?

barbiedoll

Everyone seems to be forgetting that the house in question is not "OP's house"....he is married, has been for a long time by the sound of things, and therefore the house belongs to him AND his wife.

I think that she has every right, both legally and morally, to have a say in decisions such as this. OP's family are sponging off both OP and his wife, she is working to provide for a family that have no ties to her other than through marriage. They don't even bother to visit!

I think that a few posters have been very unfair towards her, implying that she is money-grabbing, heartless, and only out for herself. OP has even admitted that she earns more than him, therefore, she is the one who is potentially losing more than he is. She works hard and she wants to enjoy her retirement, why should she have to work longer to keep her husband's family in comfort, when they have done nothing to help themselves?

She was quite happy to leave them in the house as long as they made a small contribution, which they still begrudged. Can't work due to anxiety and depression? Well, they can claim benefits and start paying their way, just like lots of depressed and anxious people have to do every day.

I make her absolutely right, she's been keeping the family since the day she married OP. You can't blame her for wanting to stop now, she's probably had enough of being taken advantage of. I can see her point!

Marvel1

barbiedoll wrote: »

she is working to provide for a family that have no ties to her other than through marriage.

How so? I'm sure I am missing something with this point.

barbiedoll wrote: »

They don't even bother to visit!

People are different, me for example I prefer to visit, but don't like be visited - door knocks I don't answer.

lady1964

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Lady 1964. That course of thought and action has already been suggested several times during the course of the thread.

The main trouble appears to be that OP is so mixed up and afraid of rocking the boat that he has allowed them to get away with murder for years. He is, apparently, too nice for his own good and would rather shut up and suppress his resentment than speak plainly and sort something out for the good of all.

It seems to me that he either speaks up and they thrash something out that doesn't disadvantage any one of them too badly or instead waits until the whole pot boils over in resentment and rage and then there is no going back nor retracting what was said in the heat of the moment.

OP's choice but he has had the advice of us all and now must thrash out, with his wife hopefully, where they go from here.

Apologies, I'm tired through too many late nights sitting up watching the Olympics! I'm not sure if I've missed if the OP has said his age & that of his wife. If they are around mid 50's, I can completely understand the early retirement and travelling planning.

Clearly, the OP & his wife need to discuss the way forward and what I posted is what I would hope to be what I would do in the same position. I feel for the OP and his wife, this is a horrible situation to be in.

I'm also interested in what sort of relationship the OPs wife has win her FIL and OPs siblings,

paddy's_mum

cjdavies wrote: »

The Mum wants the money for her house,

Mistakenly read. The Mum, AND her husband (the OP's father) both want their daughter to pay her way. Who cares if Mum is the one who runs the house or if Dad is happy not to get involved in family negotiations?

P @ NC£ ing off people (kin or not) isn't right or decent or just :mad:

I'm out now since this is just going round in circles. I wish OP the very best in the future and would be off-the-scale proud of his achievements, his kindness and his compassion if he was my son.

Marvel1

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Mistakenly read. The Mum, AND her husband (the OP's father) both want their daughter to pay her way. Who cares if Mum is the one who runs the house or if Dad is happy not to get involved in family negotiations?

P @ NC£ ing off people (kin or not) isn't right or decent or just :mad:
.

It's just my of saying things I think as my Mam and Dad live together, and I always say "Went to Mam's house" or ask ask my Sister "Are you going to Mam's today?"

KxMx

cjdavies wrote: »

I hope read the question correctly:
With the other thread, the Mum is requesting the money as it's her house.
With this one, the house is the OP's and it's his choice whether he charges rent, not hers. This is the attitude I get from the wife:





Which post?

If you read the opening post OP found what he felt was a compromise, charging Dad £50 a week.

From the words of that post, Dad did not like this and refused.

So OP (reasonably) wanted a small, almost token rent but dropped the idea in favour of maintaining good relations with his Dad.

I get from the wife she feels her Husband is being taken advantage of. She after all knows the family dynamic and past history much better than we do.

pickledonionspaceraider

Piggyplank wrote: »

Maybe i'm being unrealistic and a little bit selfish.

no you aren't being either, you really should think more of yourself and less of your family. They are dragging you down and looking for a free ride, really it is not up to you to provide lifes neccesities for three grown adults. The whole 'cannot work due to depression and anxiety' wears thin on me - 50% of adults will get depressed at some point in our lives, however we don't jack in work and expect other pple to pick up the slack. You work through it. Keeping busy actually helps a great deal and is very therapeutic but they have well and truly brought into the victim mindset and its not your problem

Zeni

It amazes me how many posts are anti the wife.
Imagine her viewpoint without any money grabbing intention - her husband worked his behind off for 12 years to pay off a morgage of 130k and contribute towards bills with his dad in a house. He then moves out and get married and starts another mortgage which he now has to start back at the beginning again to pay off. That's got to be hard to swallow and If that was my husband I would feel pretty bad for him. There is no way in the 12 years his dad paid anything close to that amount paying of the bills. Still the husband lets the dad stay but then his two siblings also join in..all of them benefiting from his hard work yet he doesn't get to enjoy it at all because he now has a second mortgage to pay.
It astounds me none of his family can't see how utterly wrong it is just to live there for free and not contribute. I could maybe understand the dad as they seem to have had an agreement and he obviously doesn't want to make him homeless but his sibilings just expect to just live there for free.

jumpingjackd

OPs dad is 69 and he paid most of the bills in the early years although OP paid mortgage so in reality its likely a 50/50 split although ops name on title deeds............ could one have managed without the other then? Probably not.

At 69 to suddenly find yourself being made homeless must be very daunting. On a basic penson where is he going to go now.

Brother and sister should be made to pay rent as they cannot reasonably assume to live rent and bills free, they need to take some responsibility

jumpingjackd

QUOTE...My dad also suffered a lot of abuse himself but stuck by us and always worked hard to pay the bills.

As soon as I got a job my dad and I decided to leave, my dad couldn’t get a mortgage but I could so we moved in together and made an agreement that he pay the majority of the bills and I pay the mortgage.


Although it was a real struggle at first after a while I managed to come to deal with the demons of my childhood and worked hard on sorting my life out. I did a lot of overtime at work and payed the mortgage off inside 12yrs. As my job started to pay better I started to contribute a lot more to the monthly bills. " QUOTE

How many years ago are you talking about? and how much was the original mortgage. There could be a great amount of equity in the house considering dad is 69 now and house prices of say 20 years ago in comparison to today?