How do i keep everyone happy?

Marvel1

I agree with that I beleive your family are taking advantage of a free roof over their heads especially the siblings.

However I also believe your wife is also only thinking of herself not you, in terms that she wants you to sell your house to pay off hers (and yours) current mortgage to stop working and retire early.

Mojisola

cjdavies wrote: »

However I also believe your wife is only thinking of herself not you, in terms that she wants you to sell your house to pay off hers (and yours) current mortgage to stop working and retire early.

How on earth did you come to this conclusion?

Marvel1

Mojisola wrote: »

How on earth did you come to this conclusion?

From this:

Piggyplank wrote: »

My OH resents the fact that they all live in what is essentially my house, don’t pay any rent and she thinks we should sell the house and pay off our own current mortgage to speed up our retirement plans.

tea_lover

Our retirement plans. Not just hers, theirs, as a couple. And in all the conversations they've had and plans they've made she's been lied to about their income, for years.

That would be unforgivable for me.

Marvel1

tea_lover wrote: »

Our retirement plans. Not just hers, theirs, as a couple.

She is hardly going to say to sell your house to speed my retirement

AylesburyDuck

tea_lover wrote: »

Our retirement plans. Not just hers, theirs, as a couple. And in all the conversations they've had and plans they've made she's been lied to about their income, for years.

That would be unforgivable for me.

When put like that it doesnt sound unreasonable...............
untill however you factor in she would be happy enough to see her partners family on the street so they could retire.
He clearly by his actions is against this, right or wrongly his feeling need to be considered and NOT just hers.
She should have her own way at the sake of his health?
Thats not a marriage.

Mojisola

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

When put like that it doesnt sound unreasonable...............
untill however you factor in she would be happy enough to see her partners family on the street so they could retire.

I don't think that's been said anywhere.

If the three family members still refuse to make the very small contribution towards their housing costs then, in the OP's place, I'd be helping the siblings to get their own place even if it means paying some lump sums out for deposits, etc - they will be able to claim housing benefit to pay the rent.

Several options can be offered to the father - having a couple of tenants in the other rooms, paying the local rates which would go towards reducing the OP's mortgage; looking for a one-bed to be bought outright so he has no housing costs (the difference in price could pay off some of the mortgage); selling the house, giving the father, say, 50% of the money and helping him find rented accommodation that would be suitable for an older person. There may be other options as well that would suit better.

What's obvious is that the current situation can't continue.

I wouldn't want to be still paying our mortgage when we're 65 when we have another house being used by freeloading siblings.

If the lying and a refusal to change the situation results in the wife starting divorce proceedings, the other house may well have to be sold anyway.

AylesburyDuck

Mojisola wrote: »

*I don't think that's been said anywhere.

**If the three family members still refuse to make the very small contribution towards their housing costs then, in the OP's place, I'd be helping the siblings to get their own place even if it means paying some lump sums out for deposits, etc - they will be able to claim housing benefit to pay the rent.

Several options can be offered to the father - having a couple of tenants in the other rooms, paying the local rates which would go towards reducing the OP's mortgage; looking for a one-bed to be bought outright so he has no housing costs (the difference in price could pay off some of the mortgage); selling the house, giving the father, say, 50% of the money and helping him find rented accommodation that would be suitable for an older person. There may be other options as well that would suit better.

What's obvious is that the current situation can't continue.

***I wouldn't want to be still paying our mortgage when we're 65 when we have another house being used by freeloading siblings.

****If the lying and a refusal to change the situation results in the wife starting divorce proceedings, the other house may well have to be sold anyway.

*
It's implied she'd be happy to do that, why suggest it otherwise. :shocked:

**
She's not happy about the lack of 200 a month for 5 years, so she'd be absolutely over the moon by your suggestion. :eek: It's a non starter really.

***
Have missed the bit where this is written? Genuinley dont think its been stated this is the case. If im wrong, sorry.:o

****
Wow, if she goes for divorce when frankly he's a caring family guy then i think hes dodged a bullet. :eek:

Edit.
We obviously just see different ends of the specrum and will have to agree to disagree.

must_try_harder_2

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Agreed, although i still cant see the wife as totally blameless or 100% right.
She may be right in that they are taking advantage, but i still see her early retirement plans are a manipulation of a purely self driven agenda, not taking into account her husbands feelings/stress on the matter.
He needs to be more assertive, but she also needs to look to her motives.

But she’s not going to be travelling and retiring early on her own. OP has said they really enjoy travelling and maybe the wife genuinely thinks it would make the OP happier if he had more money to spend on the things that make them both happy, rather than him spending that money covering the living costs of people who can’t even be bothered to contribute £16 each a week for their house.

She was happy enough when she thought they were receiving £217 a month on a property they could be renting out for £600. So she’s hardly a money grabbing cow!

FBaby

I think the reason my OH is annoyed (besides the lying) is the fact she thinks my family are taking advantage of me.

She is right that they are, but she is wrong to think that the way she feels give her the right to put pressure on you.

My ex is also taking advantage of me, massively by not paying a penny towards our children. I know that. I also know that I could do something about it but the point is I DON'T WANT TO and that is enough for my husband to respect my choice.

Your family is using your kindness, but from my perspective, your wife is disrespecting you by not accepting your decision. It's always a lot easier to want to confront people who are using you when they don't mean anything to you and/or when they don't share a past with you.

What you think is right to do with your family is all what matters. You might have good reasons for not wanting to challenge the status quo. Maybe it is to avoid confrontation, or maybe it is because you know that even if you are being used, you are doing a good deed and that alone could be a good enough reason when you don't actually need the money.

Tell your wife that you do regret lying to her, but that you wish she let you deal with this matter. Maybe you'll take action, at some point, but that will be when you want to do so if at all. When you do, you will share it with her and hope she will support whatever decision you take.