How much rent should my parents charge me?

SparklyB

Hi,

I'm having a little dilemma that I wondered whether I could get some input on.

I'm in my 30's and living at home again because I'm currently trying to save money to move abroad to marry my boyfriend (we've applied for a fiance VISA, just waiting to hear) Obviously this comes with a lot of costs, and I have about £3000 in savings at the moment and have been trying to save £500 a month.

I have always worked, but since graduating as a mature student in 2012 I was on Jobseekers for a while before deciding to go self-employed, I also have had a few part-time jobs at the same time to boost my income. Because I was still on a low income I was getting working tax credits. Last year I was out of work for 10 months and didn't have any income to put into my business. I got to the point where I had £40 in my bank account.

Now I'm working and was getting a lot of extra hours. They've recently changed my contract to 16 hours a week which means my monthly pay will be £480, less than I'd been wanting to save a month. I have saved a little bit of money to put into my business in the hope I'll make some more money but I have just learnt that HMRC don't think I have a viable business so are taking my working tax credits off me. This extra money was going to go to my parents in rent as my Mum wants me to start paying something. This is understandable but where I have the problem is how much I should pay. She thinks I should pay them £50 a week, which I know isn't a lot but it will now be nearly half my monthly wage. I buy most of my own food as I'm a vegetarian, so cook my own meals. She does the washing but only because it's more economical to put it in with their washing, and she doesn't iron my stuff. I do that.

At the same time I got rid of my car because I couldn't afford it. I sometimes borrow theirs on the rare occasion and do put petrol in when I use it. I don't go out, I know that sounds weird but I really don't. I occasionally go out to dinner with people from work, less than once a month. I rarely see friends as it's difficult to get to them. I get a haircut once every eight weeks. I don't have beauty treatments. Basically I don't really spend any money on myself is what I'm trying to say so it's not like I'm out spending loads on myself and not giving my parents anything.

it's worth mentioning that my Mum is retired and my Dad is coming up to retirement in August and currently works part time. They don't have a mortgage as they paid it off a while ago and they have pensions and savings. My Mum has always panicked about money (which she has passed onto me) and is worrying about how much they'll have. She say's they can't keep supporting me. I take a bit of offence to that since I actually don't take anything from them, apart from living in the house which they both had agreed I could do because of my current situation. I don't borrow money from them, they're not paying for anything of mine.

One of the reasons I also work part time is because I have anxiety and panic attacks that I've had for over ten years. I've found it difficult to work full-time to the point where I get very ill.

I have been looking for other jobs that may give me extra hours, and have applied for at least one but of course we all know how long some of these processes take.

I have read in other forums where some people mentioned their parents charged them about 20% of their wage. This is something I could do, does this sound reasonable? What does everyone else think?

suki1964

Go see how much a room in a shared house in your area will cost you, that's the going rate

Seeing as you only work part time you need to find another job to increase your income

AylesburyDuck

As you've included a lot of detail may i ask for a tiny bit more?
Regaurding the anxiety and panic attacks, what treatment plans are you on/have followed for this?

fairy_lights

£50 a week doesn't seem unreasonable, especially if that's what your mother has requested. What does your business do? If HMRC think it isn't viable, and it isn't generating enough to allow you to pay rent, then maybe you need to shelve it for the time being and start working full time.
I know you've said your anxiety makes this difficult, but if it's only a short term measure until you emigrate it might be worth considering.
Also, getting your haircut every 8 weeks seems a bit excessive when you're so skint!

GwylimT

You're offended that you cannot live somewhere for free? Living there costs your parents money, space and privacy. If they aren't paying for anything of yours then how much do you pay for water, heating, electricity etc?

I charged my son the going rate for a room in a shared property (around £400 per month) I used this to pay a utility bill per month, the rest was put into savings. If he was respectful, paid on time etc then this money would be given to him to use as a deposit towards a home, he didn't know about this arrangement, he did pass the personality test and was extremely grateful. If I didn't have the financial luxury to do this I would have used his rent for living costs and saved some to tide myself over when he moved out.

marleyboy

£50 a week with washing and ironing thrown in is a bargain. I defy you to rent a bedsit for anything near that, you could always take your washing to your parents in the thinly veiled justification that its economical.

Pollycat

It sounds like you're baulking at paying £50 per week because that amount scuppers your savings plan.

I think you need to look at this a different way:
what is a fair rent for you to pay?

I would have some sympathy for you if your parents wanted to charge you £100 pw but.....

SparklyB

With regards to my anxiety I've had various treatments over the years. Counselling, CBT and hypnotherapy. I found a very good hypnotherapist through the charity Anxiety UK.

Over the years I've learnt what my triggers are and how I can look after myself in order to keep myself well. Getting plenty of sleep, eating well, not doing too much so I get run down. My self-employed work is creative and I've found that the less time I have to be creative, the more depressed I get, especially if this is because I'm working more. Long working hours especially in retail jobs are extremely tiring (this is where I have the most experience so these are the jobs I'm able to get) and I've found realistically I can work about three days a week, possible four before I start to get run down and my anxiety starts to get worse. I can do short periods of time working more hours, I have done 12 hour days before but this isn't something I can do on a regular basis as I struggle a lot with it.

I am looking for jobs with more hours, but I'm also aware that I was looking for jobs for 10 months last year, applying and not having any luck. So I don't want to give up what I have so easily as it is a job and it's regular. There might still be a chance that I can get overtime here and there, which is why I thought maybe giving my parents a percentage of my wage would be better. Then when I get more hours, they get more money.

SailorSam

I know it might sound strange, but your Mum is helping you by charging a fair rent. She's getting you use to having to pay your own way when you're out in the real world alone.

onomatopoeia99

I was paying £25/week from £82/week take home to my parents in 1987. Working full time as an 18 year old between A levels and university. I paid them the same from my holiday jobs during university. It all came back to me to fund the "parental contribution" part of the student grant (which was all of it, the LEA assessed me as being due £1/year from them)

£50/week sounds a bargain nearly 30 years later. What you need to understand is that the number of hours you say you can work is not a matter for your landlord, they wouldn't adjust your rent in the private sector and while your parents may well be more accommodating in this regard you cannot expect them to give you a free ride, especially given you're in your thirties now.

Pollycat

SparklyB wrote: »

I am looking for jobs with more hours, but I'm also aware that I was looking for jobs for 10 months last year, applying and not having any luck. So I don't want to give up what I have so easily as it is a job and it's regular. There might still be a chance that I can get overtime here and there, which is why I thought maybe giving my parents a percentage of my wage would be better. Then when I get more hours, they get more money.

I think suki was maybe thinking about a 2nd job rather than a differnt job to your current one.

suki1964 wrote: »

Seeing as you only work part time you need to find another job to increase your income

Is this difference of opinion between you and your parents likely to turn into feelings of resentment on one or both sides - or something even worse?

I'd ask myself if it was worth souring your relationship with your parents for the sake of saving a little bit more - especially if you're going to be moving to another country in the future.
Which is most important to you?
Your parents or money?