How much rent should my parents charge me?

pickledonionspaceraider

suki1964 wrote: »

Whilst I'm not dismissing your anxiety issues, have you not ever thought that there's plenty of us around with the same kind of issues that don't have the luxury of flaffing around with creative things, or only working pt cos we get tired punching in a 40 hr week, week in, week out, because we have to pay rent/mortgages, rates, energy and food bills?

Its called real life

Indeed totally agree with this dose of tough love.


the quite literally gut churning shaking anxiety that leaves you sick with fear? no it is not only you that has it OP.


Plenty of people in similar situations with anxiety who have to force themselves to keep going, who do not have parents to rely on, so they HAVE to go to work, as they are not lucky enough to have the support network the OP has.


OP do not rely on your parents, it simply IS NOT fair on them. As they head into retirement, you are getting a cheap place to live, based on them making your life easier. It is morally wrong. You have anxiety, you are not quadriplegic . You cannot attribute every personality attribute to anxiety. Not everything is anxiety.


They need to charge you the going rate. You need to earn a proper wage. That is the only fair way.


If you are only earning part time money, you will be giving them less than they deserve, and your idea of moving abroad will only ever be a pipe dream.

suki1964

SparklyB wrote: »

I'm not sure everyone read my original posting properly, at all.

I don't go out! I don't buy lunch, I buy my own food and make my own. I don't go out for dinner, the only times I mentioned are less than once a month and the last time was someone's leaving do from work. I bought one main course and one drink! My haircut is the ONLY money I spend on myself and mainly because I have curly short hair that grows out every six to eight weeks. I leave it till eight weeks to get it cut. In the past I went for months without getting a haircut and hated my hair. Now I have a hairdresser who knows what to do with it.

For some reason everyone seems to think I'm getting beauty treatments, getting my hair done for no reason, and going out for dinner all the time.

I am the most frugal person ever. I never pay full price for anything. If I need something I go to TK Maxx and try and find things on the clearance rail. I only buy stuff I actually need, not stuff I want.

I can't see where anyone is saying you spend on beauty treatment etc

What I can see is you saying you don't want to pay £50 a week for rent and giving a load of reasons as to why you shouldn't. None of which are valid

If you want to save £500 a month then you need to find that money. And if cutting out the hairdresser is part of that, then that's how it is.

Taking the rent from your income, your travel money, food, toiletries etc you are short my around £350 a month. Where do you think that money is going to come from? I mean really?

pickledonionspaceraider

SparklyB wrote: »

I am the most frugal person ever. I never pay full price for anything. If I need something I go to TK Maxx and try and find things on the clearance rail. I only buy stuff I actually need, not stuff I want.

Stop sniffling for gods sake

I am about your age, and work a fifty hour week with massive anxiety issues which I manage, I take medication and manage it ....and yes I have to be frugal as well, because guess what, I pay my own bills and do not rely on subsidies and there is no way on earth I would expect my retired parents to subsidise me into their twilight years!


Many people are literally working their fingers to the bone and not treating themselves because that is life, and bills, rent mortgage etc come before these beauty treatments you keep mentioning


You really need to pull yourself out of this funk that you are in, that you are the hardest done by person in the world, cos from where I am standing you have it pretty nice

I KNOW my words sound really harsh - but anxiety for me, is obviously all in my head - and if I let it control me, and run away with me, it would. So I have to be strict with myself to keep myself moderately sane!
Anxiety is difficult, managing it is very hard to do. But there is no way I am going to be an old lady looking back on my life and realize that anxiety stopped me from actually living.

Grenage

Really?

Reading through the posts, people are telling you that your problem isn't rent paying, but that you earn too little money to save. This is unfortunate but true; if you cannot cope with something like a full-time supermarket job to fund your life, how are you going to cope with moving abroad?

You need to earn more money, which requires more work.

bugslet

SparklyB wrote: »

I'm not sure a lot of people here have had experience of anxiety. I'm not talking about nerves a little now and then. I'm talking about crippling anxiety and panic attacks. Panic attacks several times a day that leave you shaking and freaking out. One's where you can't leave the house. I was once agoraphobic for several months and worked extremely hard to get over that. Forgive me if I don't want to go back to feeling like that every single day. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I had panic attacks in my mid-30s, doctor diagnosed not self-diagnosed. Bottom line, I was running a business and had employees depending on me, so despite the 60-70 hour weeks probably contributed to the panic attacks, I had to continue working. It's life, you have to do tough things.

As for rent, in 1982 at 18, I earned £35.00 p.w. My Mum took housekeeping of £30.00.

You need to either sort out your anxiety and get a full time job/overtime, determine you can't and get disability. You can be creative in your own time.

Mojisola

SparklyB wrote: »

I'm in my 30's and living at home again because I'm currently trying to save money to move abroad to marry my boyfriend (we've applied for a fiance VISA, just waiting to hear)

She thinks I should pay them £50 a week

One of the reasons I also work part time is because I have anxiety and panic attacks that I've had for over ten years. I've found it difficult to work full-time to the point where I get very ill.

I, too, find it hard to believe that your anxiety is so bad that you can't work full-time but are planning to move with all the stress involved in learning to live in a new country.

If you struggle here where everything is familiar, how are you going to cope in a new place?

Perhaps your parents feel the same and think you are taking advantage of them and not working when you actually could?

You don't have to wait for your perfect job to come along. Sign up with some temp agencies; call in on your local care homes and see if they have vacanies; get down the JobCentre regularly.

cyantist

SparklyB wrote: »

For some reason everyone seems to think I'm getting beauty treatments, getting my hair done for no reason, and going out for dinner all the time.

I certainly don’t think many people here think that.

I have curly hair too. It’s a nightmare but I don’t get it cut every 8 weeks. When I do get it cut I book it through something like treatwell, using a code for money off. Maybe you could grow your hair out for the time being?

I know over 45% of your monthly wage in rent seems a lot. But after paying mortgage and all bills I have nowhere near 55% of my wage left. I know you want to save and you do sound very frugal but with a monthly income of £480 you might need to accept that you’re going to have to forget about saving for the time being. I do think £50 isn’t much and asking to pay less because you’d rather save the money instead isn't fair on your parents.

Have you looked at the up your income board?

tea_lover

The thing is, you're really contradicting yourself and that never helps in getting good advice.

You say you never go out, then say you eat out 'less than once a month' - so not never then.

You say you don't spend on beauty treatments then say you spend £30 on a haircut every 8 weeks.

You say you can't work more hours due to anxiety (which a lot of us on here have first-hand experience of) but then say you're moving to another country and running your own business.

To be honest it sounds like a lot of excuses. You don't have to pay your parents any rent, of course you don't. You always have the option of moving elsewhere and seeing how far £50 gets you.

thorsoak

SparklyB wrote: »

I am 35, I've lived away from home on numerous occasions and paid my own way in the real world. Before I had anxiety I worked full-time. I've also worked full time jobs with anxiety and been extremely ill whilst doing them. I've been trying very hard to find a good work life balance that doesn't make me ill.

I'm not sure a lot of people here have had experience of anxiety. I'm not talking about nerves a little now and then. I'm talking about crippling anxiety and panic attacks. Panic attacks several times a day that leave you shaking and freaking out. One's where you can't leave the house. I was once agoraphobic for several months and worked extremely hard to get over that. Forgive me if I don't want to go back to feeling like that every single day. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

And how do you expect to cope with the anxieties that naturally come with a new environment, new culture and relationship? Have you thought your way through your plans seriously?

Like your parents, I too am a pensioner, with a mortgage-free house. However, it is not maintenance costs free and in my opinion, your parents are being generous in suggesting £50 a week rent/laundry/electricity/water/general home maintenance etc. Yes, you want to save - but as has been suggested by more than one other poster, then you get a SECOND job.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh - buy you are not a teenager, and you should really be looking at the real world.

JimmyTheWig

I know that some people aren't keen on benefits, but I believe that if you are entitled to them you should claim them.

OP, would you be entitled to any sort of disability benefit?

If you moved out, would your low income mean you could get housing benefit? If so, would you be better off doing this?


In terms of how much rent you should pay to live with your parents, I'd say work it out like this...
* How much would it cost to rent a similar room elsewhere? Lets say £100 a week.
* How much does it actually cost your parents to have you living there - e.g. gas and electric, insurance, communal food? Lets say £20 a week.
* Split the difference between the two, and that's what you should pay. With my made up figures, that's £60 a week.