Apart from Samaritans is there anyone to speak to?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Disability Money Matters
87 replies 10K views
1234689

Replies

  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
    5.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    To respond to that, it may work, things like reading used to stimulate my brain or should I say imagination and I don't really read anymore so lack that stimulation, why I mention it about that is I also used to scribble or write random words (such as quotes from tv shows/films/video games) sometimes over and over which helped me concentrate and focus

    I did so many things in the past I no longer do, as I stopped each one in stages they coincided with each time my life got worse so I also think its relevant to the fact I can't handle changes well or that I get attached to certain things more but I naturally grow out of them also.
  • faerielightfaerielight Forumite
    1.8K Posts
    Tenth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    ✭✭✭
    That's interesting Ames :) That's why it must be good for anxiety and distress
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE :)
  • Savvy_SueSavvy_Sue Forumite
    43.5K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    dekaspace wrote: »
    Do you tell a drug addict to just stop taking drugs and everything will be better or do you do something to treat the root of the problem so that person doesn't need to take drugs?
    With treating addiction, it's a mix of things needed, and there's no more an instant cure for drug addicts than there is for you.

    The addict has to WANT to change more than they WANT to keep taking the drugs, and more than they WANT not to change, and more than they WANT to keep up with their existing friends / way of life etc.

    It's also often a revolving pattern: I think it's an average of seven periods of treatment / detox before someone stays free of drugs. Of course that means some people succeed in breaking free at the first attempt, and others slip back down the slippery slope more than seven times.

    So you saying you managed a reasonable sleep pattern every night for three weeks, and then you stayed up late to do some work and that's it, you couldn't do it any more - well guess what? That's like a dieter eating a cream cake and then going on to finish all the biscuits in the house. Or an alcoholic having one drink and downing three bottles. It happens. What matters is what you do about it.

    You've had some recommendations for sources of support. You've had some recommendations for things you could try so that you're not on the laptop at 2 am. But none of us can do it for you.

    BTW, I do have some understanding of the autistic spectrum. But I'm afraid DS1 once complained of a bad headache, and I was very sympathetic. Then I found he'd stayed up all night reading because he 'couldn't sleep'. All sympathy evaporated, and I gave some suggestions for what you do when you can't sleep. They did not include reading all night or sitting on MSE.

    And yes, I should take my own advice, but pretty much however late up I stay, I get to wherever I need to be the next day. I may not feel great, but I'll be there. If I couldn't, I'd fall into bed earlier.

    One thing I did use when I had a lot of things to worry about was a 'relax and sleep' CD. There were two tracks. I very very rarely heard the end of track two. Even now I can just about remember how it sounds, the words used, and it was quite helpful. Even if I was still awake at the end of it, I was more relaxed and closer to sleep, so I'd just play it again!
    Still knitting!
    Completed: TWO adult cardigans, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees, 2 sets of handwarmers, 1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 3 balaclavas, multiple hats and poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: pink balaclava (for myself), seaman's hat, about to start another cardigan!
  • FBabyFBaby Forumite
    18.3K Posts
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    When I say I don't need a friend I mean I need something to motivate me more than a friend automatically.
    Thinking in a planning way is hard work and deep inside, we all wish we didn't need to do it and could rely on someone else to do it for us. It's a very typical teenage trait.

    The reality is that it's demanding enough to motivate oneself, it's even more demanding to have to motivate someone else, that's why most people don't do it. Parents do it for their kids, and there might be a mutual support between couple, but in the end, expecting someone to be there to tell you what to do so you don't have to do any of the thinking is never going to be a positive thing long term.

    If you want to get better, you will need to accept that you are better trying to look into ways to motivate yourself. For that, you need some level of energy, so you need to consider how you could get mental energy. There are different ways to gain some, and it usually involve doing exactly the opposite of what your instinct tells you to do. You need to get involved in activities that will raise your adrenalin levels, which usually mean pushing yourself one way or the other and the best way to do so is by challenging yourself to something, however small it is to start with. Maybe arranging to make a trip to the library at a specific date/time, and then planning to take 1 or 2 books from 6 different section can be one challenge. I bet you you will then come back with that little level of energy feeling good that you've done it that means that you will be more able to enjoy reading the books.

    It's all about taking little steps, but you have to take these yourself if you want to feel good about it.
  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
    5.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    Savvy_Sue wrote: »
    With treating addiction, it's a mix of things needed, and there's no more an instant cure for drug addicts than there is for you.

    The addict has to WANT to change more than they WANT to keep taking the drugs, and more than they WANT not to change, and more than they WANT to keep up with their existing friends / way of life etc.

    It's also often a revolving pattern: I think it's an average of seven periods of treatment / detox before someone stays free of drugs. Of course that means some people succeed in breaking free at the first attempt, and others slip back down the slippery slope more than seven times.

    So you saying you managed a reasonable sleep pattern every night for three weeks, and then you stayed up late to do some work and that's it, you couldn't do it any more - well guess what? That's like a dieter eating a cream cake and then going on to finish all the biscuits in the house. Or an alcoholic having one drink and downing three bottles. It happens. What matters is what you do about it.

    You've had some recommendations for sources of support. You've had some recommendations for things you could try so that you're not on the laptop at 2 am. But none of us can do it for you.

    I said that on purpose because to word what you said in a different way its not just a case of just stopping nor telling the person to stop.

    The tough point is the way wanting to change can work, people interpret things different even in same situations, for me rather than wait for years more till I do crack to reach that point I decide I can't handle it no more so change my pattern i'd rather have help to not make me snap or wait years so I can improve however small short term which makes long term doable hence like telling a alcoholic to just stop drinking its not as simple as that.

    On a side note one of the main reasons people go back to addictions is detox in itself is flawed, it doesn't matter what you are addicted to even if its all psychological to go cold turkey confuses brain as it expects that routine, your body if its drink or drugs expects that boost every day and cuts down its own production of chemicals or hormones and it takes time to build it back up and can be very dangerous even life threatening in some cases, people go back to their old ways because they have just stopped cold turkey they haven't dealt with the mind side of things and instead just avoid getting themselves into a situation, where a cut down method until zero means if you slip up one day you wont instantly go back to your own ways.

    Thats why people who stop smoking then end up with a different addiction, all they did was transfer one thing for another rather than beat something.

    The times when I did manage to get up early for 3 weeks I felt so weak that by bedtime I pretty much collapsed onto bed. so the break when I stayed up pretty much about 17-24 hours meant I couldn't keep myself awake so when I did sleep I slept either my nornal 8 hours or as I was up almost double my normal time slept longer which meant either I woke up late afternoon/early evening and by actual bedtime since I had been awake only a few hours and/or slept too much due to lack of sleep night before I wasn't collapsing into bed and brain was confused and thinking its not bed time yet as only been awake a few hours.

    Another relevant point was due to the over the place sleep pattern (in part due to the flatmate issues or noise) I trained my mind to sleep through anything, it used to be that even if I had 2 hours sleep and I woke up wanting toilet or something like a neighbour came back drunk and slammed doors and woke me unless I got things sorted (like literally rush to toilet and go and be back within a minute or so) so my brain didn't have time to start thinking I was up all night, and as bad as I am with 8 hours sleep the whole level worse I am even with say 6 hours so imagine 2 hours.

    So that was a sort of breaking point in that before that my sleep pattern was a bit iffy but as long as I wasn't disturbed during the night it was far more stable and I rarely got above 8 hours sleep.

    So due to extreme issues I taught myself to sleep though a lot, I might be woken by that loud noise but fall asleep within seconds or at least half asleep but problem with that is it means when I go to get out of bed I open my eyes for a few seconds and close them again.

    I do seem to thrive on patterns more now than before but that im unsure if its the autism or MH or a mix, its why I starve all day and eventually when I do eat I could be "starving" all night and wanting to eat a lot even if I feel physically full as that pattern has begun in my brain, I think staying up late is similar, I feel weak all day and around bedtime I get to that last burst before bedtime so I do something but the pattern begins, put on a movie despite my eyes closing I have to watch to the end even if its only started 5 minutes ago and its a 2 hours film.

    In the past I used to just do something, even as simple as going up town and I would waste 2 hours window shopping just to get me out of the house, on a rare occasion I had money I might go out and rush to buy something like a dvd and go home and watch it but there was a good pattern there, up by 12, sit for a hour maybe have a snack for lunch, get a shower, go out for 2 hours, come back, watch a bit of tv, maybe have some noodles as a little meal, about 8pm if I was hungry I would make proper meal or get a takeaway, by 10pm I was in armchair watching a late night movie, around midnight was drifting a bit but still enough energy to do something. often 1am onwards was when I began to drift so might of started pacing or going to kitchen for a drink of water, 2am I often began to get ready for bed if not starting dozing on armchair so went to bathroom to brush teeth and then get myself into bed never really later than 3am, and then spent 30-60 minutes falling asleep and getting pretty much solid 8 hours sleep, sometimes 30 minutes less sometimes 30 more but 8 was the main point.

    I need help dealing with the past as well as getting my foot in the door to improving rather than just left to do everything myself.
  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
    5.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    FBaby wrote: »
    Thinking in a planning way is hard work and deep inside, we all wish we didn't need to do it and could rely on someone else to do it for us. It's a very typical teenage trait.

    The reality is that it's demanding enough to motivate oneself, it's even more demanding to have to motivate someone else, that's why most people don't do it. Parents do it for their kids, and there might be a mutual support between couple, but in the end, expecting someone to be there to tell you what to do so you don't have to do any of the thinking is never going to be a positive thing long term.

    If you want to get better, you will need to accept that you are better trying to look into ways to motivate yourself. For that, you need some level of energy, so you need to consider how you could get mental energy. There are different ways to gain some, and it usually involve doing exactly the opposite of what your instinct tells you to do. You need to get involved in activities that will raise your adrenalin levels, which usually mean pushing yourself one way or the other and the best way to do so is by challenging yourself to something, however small it is to start with. Maybe arranging to make a trip to the library at a specific date/time, and then planning to take 1 or 2 books from 6 different section can be one challenge. I bet you you will then come back with that little level of energy feeling good that you've done it that means that you will be more able to enjoy reading the books.

    It's all about taking little steps, but you have to take these yourself if you want to feel good about it.

    Well when I say I want people to help me think its more along the lines of a somewhat mutual ground but also don't want someone to just agree to something I said or not be bothered.

    So if I had friend round (1 or 2 is better than many) and I thought staying in the house is boring I would list a few things that could be good and they could say "oh I think X idea sounds good" and I then have something picked as well as something both of us can enjoy.

    Its also in a way why I want to be in education, a bunch of college students even as simple as at lunchtime saying "lets go to town and get something to it, shall it be Greggs. KFC, student pub" etc that way I get some input rather than having so many options and not sure what to pick.

    I know part of me which I do really think is the autism is childlike in that its like a kids logic, I think "I don't need to do that so I won't do it" going back to why I don't go out of the house every day as have cupboards of food, similarly why buy something when I have cupboards full of food, why get a book when I can read stuff online (though I hate reading from a screen) why go for a day trip when I have all the big name shops locally, I have always had that since childhood but it never overwhelmed me until I had MH problems at most it was that I was bored doing the same thing at the same time as loving doing the same thing I did so many times.

    So everything I think or do contradicits itself causing extreme confusion and anxiety, again hard to tell if thats autism, MH or both (I assume both) so one affects the other.
  • edited 20 June 2016 at 7:02PM
    undauntedundaunted Forumite
    1.9K Posts
    edited 20 June 2016 at 7:02PM
    tomtontom wrote: »
    Sorry OP, switching off is not being on the internet past 1am. If you start to feel more relaxed in the evening then do something away from the computer or tv, you can enjoy your time without technology. Then you'll gradually wind down, but still get to bed at a decent hour. And as time goes on, you'll feel the benefits earlier in the day.

    You're still not getting this idea of helping yourself. Things are not going to change overnight, and they may feel worse before they get better, but if you don't try you're still going to be in the same pointless place in years to come.

    dekaspace wrote: »
    Thats a little bit of a frustrating response I DO get the idea of helping myself but I am at a point where I feel too bad to do so, and being on the internet at 1am is more that I switch off so have no energy to physically even move, so on one hand I am less fidgety and all over the place but on another just even more muted than usual so just stare at a blank screen.

    And I think more down to the autism I need something visual to stimulate me, it used to be I liked reading but books are getting rarer and it costs money for ebooks (and i hate tablets but can tolerate then for reading) as the worst I got as even a teenager was if I sat in front of tv on a day off I felt "tired" so after a while had to play a game to stimulate me what I get now is a extended version of that added with the fact as I have spent all day staring at a screen my brain was not stimulated so it doesn't want to go to bed.

    On the very rare chance I do something like play a video game for a few hours during the day that gives me enough stimulation and also the sense of doing something so I can both go to bed early and fall alseep instantly.


    Perhaps the internet is also serving a purpose for you? IE You feel alone in general and sadly forums such as this are the best means of communicating with someone that you have at that moment?




    You seem to have had an awful lot to cope with in your life. I'm wondering where you start! So, if you had to pick just one thing as the worst thing in life at the moment and / or that you'd change / think would improve your life for the future what would it be?
  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
    5.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    In some ways to both yes, I have bottled up feelings I need to get out there and a little discussion on them but as words and opinions come out better in person rather than on paper and of course people who know me can interpret things better I end up frustrated as people focus on the wrong things.

    Like should I say I don't like people who live up the street using the car parking spaces in the driveway of my flat thats more of a annoyance but people would focus on saying "well they aren't yours they are for everyone"

    If I say I don't like hearing neighbours kids stomping about or them doing diy waking me up (like what happened this morning) I get told "well get a house in middle of nowhere then"

    Hence why in a lot of arguments I tell people to get some context

    Another thing about me is hygine, I feel bad when I don't shower but I time shower around going out for two reasons one that if I shower in morning by late afternoon I am clammy again, so in part its about saving electric, part to not waste time but the 2nd main reason is shaving which is the main one, I am a very hairy guy and whilst most guys get a 5 o clock shadow, for me by 5pm I look like I have slept rough/ not shaven at all so I end up not having a shower to late afternoon at earliest if not even later as though it looks bad after a few hours it feels tolerable till like 13/14 hours after I shave so I think if I have a shave at 7pm one day, if I left it to 3pm next day my face would still feel ok just look bad.

    I did think a few times that maybe have 2 showers a day or at least have a quick shower in morning and use disposable one then have proper shave before I go out a few hours later or have proper shower in morning and use disposable in evening but each has its problems, using disposable in morning means my skin is at best feels dry smooth and stubble is gone but skin is still dark and rough looking, and so I need to factor in going out around a short shower later in day, if I have a full shave in morning then it feels mostly smooth even in evening but looks rough so even if I use disposable then by morning I am out in my mini beard again rather than just rough stubble.

    So messed up logic again, ideally I would just be less hairy so wouldn't have to shave as often then I would only pop in shower whenever I wanted and this wouldn't apply, only bad thing there is (another bodily issue) in part due to the anxiety I am quite clammy/mildly sweaty even with fresh clothes so I think if I put on a t shirt and go out for a hour its a bit whiffy (not stinky just not smelling fresh) I do have mild skin condition too and was put on creams and tablets for it over the years even told theres an operation available but don't want to get it, its a shame as I can't wear light coloured clothes as the sweat patches are evident.

    This is all why just getting a better sleep pattern and diet won't help and the root of the problem needs treated.

    So I could say if I slept better and ate better life would be better which would be true but I would still have the misery to deal with so it will be hugely diluted, or if my frame of mind was treated I then have the bad sleep pattern and diet to deal with so can't win.
  • suki1964suki1964 Forumite
    14.3K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    But you can win

    You have identified that a good sleep, eat and hygiene routine will help you start to feel better physically- that's the start. Once you get those three things under your belt, you will have the strength to work on your other problems, one at a time

    Two 2 min showers a day won't break the bank. And believe me, unless you work down a coal mine, 2 mins twice a day will get you clean and go a long way to stopping the clammyness. Excessive sweating is a problem for millions of people and the majority of us get by with the use of a specialist deoderant/antiperspirant. They aren't cheap but they do work in most cases. Look on the health and beauty board, there's plenty of old topics about which are the best. Being clean and feeling fresher will help build your confidence. I know this myself as it wasn't a lifetime ago that I was wallowing in my own misery not having the strength or energy to get clean

    Food, I know you can cook a bit, I also know you aren't the most confident of cooks. Get over to oldstyle and ask for help. Everyone on there will help, even if it really is step by step instructions. Oldstylers will help you meal plan and work within a budget whilst making sure you are getting nutrious tasty meals every day.

    Skin and hair. Well shaving is harsh on your skin. You need a good skin care regime. Need those bristles soft before you shave and you need to protect your skin from the ravages of shaving. Once again, health and beauty board will help. It doesn't need to be expensive either. My husband for example no longer uses Gillette but has switched to lidl, and because the blades are so cheap, he no longer needs to be getting as many shaves out of one as possible, so sharper blades for each shave

    Just doing those few basics, which can seem so difficult, will help you get better. As Someone pointed out, it's like being on a diet. You fall of the wagon one day, but the following day you start again, don't just go **** it and give up

    You may think that no one here understands and that we are just concentrating on a few things. Many of us do understand and we are trying our best to explain to you that with so much going on in your head, you need to start at the very basics so you can unravel all those mixed up trains of thought

    Yesterday I had a very bad day myself, could barely put one foot in front of the other and kept falling asleep when I sat down. I still got up and showered and put clean clothes on and did manage to cook a meal. I fell in bed at 9.30 and slept right through till 7am and today I feel stronger and have managed to go out the house to get needed stuff and I'm catching up on some washing. Tomorrow is a different day and I will cope with that when it comes, I'm not going to curl up and say why bother.
  • ConfuseddotConfuseddot Forumite
    1.8K Posts
    Just to reiterate take a look at mood juice.

    http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/mildmoderate/entry.asp

    It has lots of useful self help information as well as phone numbers etc for Scottish based help.
    Play nice :eek: Just because I am paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get me.:j
This discussion has been closed.
Latest MSE News and Guides

Covid test firms form self-regulating body

A bid to tackle poor service concerns

MSE News

Cheap home insurance

Grab 100+ quotes & cashback

MSE Guides