Apart from Samaritans is there anyone to speak to?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Disability Money Matters
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  • AmesAmes Forumite
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    I think you misunderstood. The problem I have with eating breakfast when I get up at midday is psychological - I'm still hung up on being 'normal'. It feels wrong to eat cereal at that time of day, but I don't fancy a cheese sandwich or soup half an hour after waking up.

    I'm still trying to fit my sleep/energy pattern onto a 'normal' day, which is the problem I'm trying to get to grips with right now. Not to mention all the baggage from childhood around 'normal' and food. It's more about giving myself 'permission' to break the rules.

    But this is going way off topic for the OP.
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  • GlasweJenGlasweJen Forumite
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    Dekaspace, you can self refer to CMHT. I have the number for north east area (they're based in Partick) but if you google NHS GGC CMHT self refer you should find the numbers for the south and east services if they're closer. I think south is based in Govan and East somewhere in Shettleston but I don't work in those areas so I'm not sure.
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  • All the love in the world to you, Dekaspace. I'm blessed to not have mental health issues but my partner does - I am the motivator in their life ;) and I can empathise with the daily battle.

    I think you've been given some extremely constructive advice here, but I wonder if you wanted advice or more if you were after a place to vent (which is understandable). Have you joined any Autism or Anxiety forums? People there would be able to appreciate your struggles and might be able to offer some insight of their own.

    I hope it's ok to say this, and please do just discount it if I'm way off... but do you feel the need for more routine in your life? I just wonder if a hobby, or a purpose of some kind would help you build a routine. I hear your need to have someone motivate you, and I agree with whoever suggested you could perhaps hire a PA with your disability benefits to help motivate you. I know care sounds like it just means help with washing and dressing, but it can also cover things like a bit of company and someone to help manage your well being. My other half likes a large whiteboard to write our weekly plan on so he can see in advance. A particular day of the week is for washing clothes etc.. small to some, but it fulfils his Autistic need for routine just fine!

    I wish I could help, but I hope this post has made you feel listened to at least. You'll get through this. I know every little thing must feel huge - but count every small thing you manage as a victory. You can do it x
  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
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    I've been Money Tipped!
    Been a bit busy last 2 days to respond, but the only thing/s I can say for certain is I am unsure, I have always been unsure even when I didn't really have mental health problems outside of anxiety/self esteem.

    I say this because I always think whatever I feel goes to 2 extremes, such as saying I want a routine but hate having to follow it so exactly but also get upset when I fail to keep to a routine.

    Thats why I dropped out of work and college so many times, I get overwhelmed easily so whilst I would be proud of doing something I end up with little free time (more on a mental health level i.e to unwind)

    I try to keep to what could be seen as routines but it never lasts, the most simple one is sleep pattern, I generally feel weak all dayd but around bedtime I unwind a little so my brain gets confused and wants to enjoy that little period of unwinding I can.

    The times when I have ignored it and just gone to bed anyway I wake up in morning tired and so lost that potential good feeling.

    I think its my autism but I like to put things off in a non lazy way in the reasoning such as past experience was about saving money or not using something like washing machine unless I had a full load and washing machines eventually break down or at least need maintenance and as I don't go out of the house every day I may sometimes only have like 2 pairs of jeans and a few tshirts and underwear to wash that dont even take up half a load so feels a waste to do(plus almost forgot clothes wear out with time and I think to myself I will end up wasting money on new clothes that should of lasted longer) I even do this with a laptop I own even more so as if I charge its battery I don't want to plug it back in till its dead so of course if I take out charger it means I want to use it till its gone.

    So thats more autism based.

    I don't know if its empathy in the general sense I wanted as much as a understanding that things I experienced were bad, empathy yes in the sense that someone also understands to even be sane after what I have experienced in past 10 years especially and also my entire life and I haven't cracked or turned to drink or drugs shows how I am stronger than it seems, if all this just made me miserable and low almost everyone else in same situation would of cracked long ago so it shows how strong I am but everyone has a breaking limit,

    In some ways I am better now but I also see it as my feelings more muted, since I reached my 30's I see my mental health different before that it was more everyday was a bad day but I was feeling something it was just bad and along the lines that I was feeling mostly normal in the head with depressive thoughts making me feel heavy, and grumpy as I used to get almost permanent headaches and though not literally was on edge a lot, I compare it to a bad hangover with no sleep its like feeling that all the time, so you wanted to do something but felt too rough.

    Now I just feel muted but more on the low side, like I don't feel miserable as much as I just don't feel happy or motivated.

    I think its relevant but when I was happy(ish) when younger everything had a scent to me again I assume down to autism, even individual streets had a distinct smell to me that I associate with happy feelings, if I go back to that town I lived when I noticed that (which was the year I left home my sense of smell was at its peak) I can still make out that smell but its too a lower level rather than overwhelm me in a good way.

    Other things I just don't understand as much as going back to my muted feelings such as I used to like to have a oil burner running or joss sticks and now though I own them never use them,

    Finally I think also relevant is that my brain has a extreme logic pattern made worse by either the autism or mental health or both, such as thinking why go out of the house when I have cupboards full of food, in fact why spend money at all, why on the times I want to treat myself spend £5 on a meal at a cafe when I can go to another place miles away that costs £3 (but don't have the energy to go) why spend £4 on train ticket that takes 40 minutes to nice city when bus is free (but takes 2 hours) but that gives me conflicting feelings to extremes.

    Also to do with money I budget myself which should be a good thing, I say £10 a day to cover everything be it food, electric/heating luxuries whatever I do have phone/internet council tax bills coming out every month but I disregard that as I get more than £70 a week to live off.

    What ends up happening is one day I may spend £20 and freak out and it ends up I want to go out next day but tell myself I shouldnt as I can't afford to, but on the other extreme lets say I don't go out for say 4 days so that means I have £40 to "spend" if the next day I spent £20 I freak out thinking I overspend (as I like to have savings)

    Thats (yawn) another extreme frame of mind for me, I overprepare myself for things and if not sorted I freak out but as well I hate doing something like half charging a mobile, so if my phone has 50% left of battery I worry thinking it could die at any time so don't risk using it, this extends to things like my laptop.

    I don't want to go out wearing smelly clothes but I only wore say a t shirt for 2 hours indoors the day before and it doesn't smell sweaty but another part of me says "no no wear a fresh one" but then that means especially when it comes to things like jeans I end up on the rare chance I go on night out or on holiday no time to wash something so freak out.

    Sorry its late and as I say I switch off a little at bedtime so I open up more.
  • AmesAmes Forumite
    18.5K Posts
    I understand what you mean about motivation. I'm the same - it can take me all day to do something simple like have a tidy round with a bin bag.

    I find writing a to do list every night for the following day helps. When I'm ill it can be as simple as taking meds, or whatever I'm struggling with at that time. As days pass it can get to more complex stuff, like getting dressed, having a wash. Eventually I'm on to eating properly, doing uni work, making/going to appointments.

    Every time I tick something off I give myself one point. For really important things (appointments etc) I give myself two. When I reach a certain number, I give myself a treat (a figurine from a set I collect).

    It works on a few levels. Doing it at night means that however crap a day it's been, I can forget and move on to tomorrow, which is potentially much better. It also means that I see how much I've achieved that day, even if it's stuff that most people don't think twice about but which takes a lot of energy for me. And seeing the figurines build up is a visual reminder of how much I've achieved.

    Often I end up doing most of it in the hour before bed. But I concentrate on the fact that I am doing it. Eventually, I can manage some stuff during the day.

    I don't know if something like that could be useful to you? I also can't micro manage routines. I have a list of things to do, but putting a time to do them just makes me freeze, I can't do deadlines even self imposed ones.

    A variation on it is a weekly to do list, I can list everything on monday and cross them off, then move anything I didn't do on to tuesday, and so on.

    I struggled with clothes too, until I started paying a cleaner (who specialises in helping people with mental illness) who comes and blitzes the laundry pile. I try to do stuff myself in between, but she comes often enough that I can keep a clean outfit for 'best' just in case. I suppose it helps that I have a lot of clothes...

    I have loads of aromatherapy and incense stuff too, I keep meaning to dig it out and start using it again. Stuff like that, for me, comes in waves. Sometimes I use it, sometimes I don't.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • GlasweJenGlasweJen Forumite
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    You can use your blue card within the city on the train and subway for 90p single, £1.30 return. There's a concession rate if you go out the city boundaries, I think it's 50% or so off peak but can't use it at peak times. You can possibly justify the spend as it will save time and allow you to enjoy the nicer city more?

    I'm fairly sure my anxiety comes from the autism, not sure if I'm following the rules that everyone else just knows but I still don't understand. The group CBT is helping and there are other aspies there too so it seems fairly common for us to need a bit of a hand.
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  • tomtontomtomtontom
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    Sorry OP, switching off is not being on the internet past 1am. If you start to feel more relaxed in the evening then do something away from the computer or tv, you can enjoy your time without technology. Then you'll gradually wind down, but still get to bed at a decent hour. And as time goes on, you'll feel the benefits earlier in the day.

    You're still not getting this idea of helping yourself. Things are not going to change overnight, and they may feel worse before they get better, but if you don't try you're still going to be in the same pointless place in years to come.
  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
    5.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    tomtontom wrote: »
    Sorry OP, switching off is not being on the internet past 1am. If you start to feel more relaxed in the evening then do something away from the computer or tv, you can enjoy your time without technology. Then you'll gradually wind down, but still get to bed at a decent hour. And as time goes on, you'll feel the benefits earlier in the day.

    You're still not getting this idea of helping yourself. Things are not going to change overnight, and they may feel worse before they get better, but if you don't try you're still going to be in the same pointless place in years to come.

    Thats a little bit of a frustrating response I DO get the idea of helping myself but I am at a point where I feel too bad to do so, and being on the internet at 1am is more that I switch off so have no energy to physically even move, so on one hand I am less fidgety and all over the place but on another just even more muted than usual so just stare at a blank screen.

    And I think more down to the autism I need something visual to stimulate me, it used to be I liked reading but books are getting rarer and it costs money for ebooks (and i hate tablets but can tolerate then for reading) as the worst I got as even a teenager was if I sat in front of tv on a day off I felt "tired" so after a while had to play a game to stimulate me what I get now is a extended version of that added with the fact as I have spent all day staring at a screen my brain was not stimulated so it doesn't want to go to bed.

    On the very rare chance I do something like play a video game for a few hours during the day that gives me enough stimulation and also the sense of doing something so I can both go to bed early and fall alseep instantly.
  • AmesAmes Forumite
    18.5K Posts
    Are there any charity shops near you? They're a good place for books, and they're usually very cheap, 50p to £1 each. Or maybe you could join a library?

    For having to run down the laptop battery every time you use it, you could play the radio through it while you do something else? That way you can just use it as a computer when you want to, rather than getting trapped?
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
    5.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    I am a member of a library but part of point I was making that I can't tell what I want when I want it (and books take up a lot of space) even in contexts of reading.

    Libraries are not 24/7 so would require me to know in advance what I want to read.
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