Apart from Samaritans is there anyone to speak to?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Disability Money Matters
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  • DomRavioliDomRavioli
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    dekaspace wrote: »
    I am angry but I am trying to be respectful, if you worked with people with autism you would realise certain things occur, I "blame" my autism in the sense it stops me being "normal" in the sense it stunted my social development, it meant that I had conflicting interests going up, one half of me wanted to stay in and play video games even in my very late teens, one half wanted to socialise and whatever I did I felt at least a little upset I lost out on another it was simple things in the brain, so yes autism is to blame for that, MH problems just meant due to the way my autistic brain functioned I couldn't do things to improve easily so in that sense as well I can "blame" autism. Well stop it. It isn't helping to blame something you cannot change. CBT will hopefully teach you that. You've also been given 2 online CBT programmes in the thread (which I am guessing you haven't even looked at).

    And where am I lacking manners apart from the time someone makes a negative comment I respond to such negative comment?

    Trying to work out why you think I am being offensive when you are the one that accused me of taking the pi55.

    I did get CBT once and at 3rd session I said I felt a little less low than usual as it was nice weather and was taken off for being "better"

    I had got referred to CBT last year at current address who came round once and said all they can do is recommend I have a better diet and sleep pattern and attend autism group. That was an assessment. If they efeel something is more appropriate then they will refer you on. They are professionals.

    So yes I did try just like I tried to change diet and I tried to change sleep pattern, how is that not trying to help myself? Not what you said earlier, just that you need to have an hour and a half of showers.

    There was certain things I found almost impossible before MH problems so its not exactly going to be doable when I do (but doesn't mean I won't try) It comes across exactly that way.

    Again if you understand autism you would think maybe like I said earlier my brain processes every individual thing but won't think about the whole lot until the end hence why for example I don't give thanks until a discussion is over then I can think things over. There's a huge difference between taking time to respond or make decisions and being self destructive. Your anger and frustration are things you need to tell your therapist about.

    And the whole point as well is why I said things along the lines of treating the root of the problem, not that changing diet or sleep won't help but the help will be far less efficent or useful than treating the root not that I won't still try. But that is part of the root of the problem. A poor diet, poor sleep an poor exercise have a massive impact on MH. Take it from someone who has spent the last 23 years in MH services as a patient. GEtting better starts with you, and it starts with a routine and the little things.

    If you look at my thread history I have started threads before in OSM asking about food tips, health tips etc.

    About the being referred, even the one said it was a long waiting list and 6 maximum sessions (not per year thats total) and bear in mind I live in Scotland where it could be different though in England I was told they were so swamped there was no point more than they wouldn't refer me in that it was a year if not more to get initial assessment. I did however get reffered for autism but that in itself was a intentionally bad system, it had a 6-12 month waiting list and their get out clause was at random points they would send you a letter giving you 7 days from the date of letter to phone them and confirm you still wanted assessed or you were removed from the system and had to be referred again from GP. So you weren't refused a referral, you chose not to take it. There's a massive difference between the two, which could land someone in court for negligence. And CBT is usually 6 sessions, regardless of the location - perhaps use the online resources referred to previously, then you can do it as often as you like?

    Each surgery has treated me different my best was last town I stayed by far as it was only there I got reffered for autism tests, got disability benefits etc, she even prescribed anti depressants not for depression but extreme anxiety no where else would do much. You usually need a working MH diagnosis to be put on long term medication. Perhaps mention this to the therapist when you see them, so they can get diagnosis in place if you do not have anything in writing on your medical records.

    So shorter way again is saying I have tried things in past, listed the issues I had when doing so, meant that I doubt it will work but I will try. Sometimes you have to do the same things over and over again until your brain accepts it. Doesn't mean they don't work, just a lot of patience and motivation.

    Rather than the assumption I am just being dismissive.

    See above in red. There's been plenty on here that can help you. I'm guessing you haven't tried the two online instantly accessible CBT programs? Just seems self destructive - its hard to get out of the pity puddle but you have to wrench yourself out of it - and only you can do it.
  • AmesAmes Forumite
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    DomRavioli wrote: »
    You've been advised of having better sleep hygiene, to see your GP, to start self help, to eat better, and to start looking after yourself.

    That has been met with "I did it years ago" - when by your own admission you had more control over your life; you have been very dismissive.

    No GP would refuse to refer you to therapy because of waiting lists.
    You can refuse to go on the waiting list, but the GP has a duty of care to ensure your health is as best as it can be. It is also likely you can self refer for therapy, most CCGs now have this service. And by your own admission above, it was always available - and you will receive a service.

    You come across as a whiny not willing to help themself person. therapy (most likely CBT) is based on self help principles - if you refuse to help yourself then there's no point going and wasting precious resources.

    You've also had some very constructive suggestions as to who to approach about your issues, and some ways to deal with your issues. they have all been batted aside, in some ways quite abruptly and rudely. That isn't anything to do with autism (I've worked with people all over the autistic spectrum for 6 years, and although they may be different, they aren't offensive), possibly your MH, but stop blaming it on a diagnosis - that is the first place to start.

    Perhaps when you recover your manners from wherever you left them, then people will be receptive to you.

    And if you ever speak ill of me again, I will report you.

    To be fair, mine did. He said that as the waiting list is over a year and there's no guarantee that I won't be having an episode and unable to properly engage then there's no point referring. My CPN (who has made the referral) said that was rubbish, even if in a year I get to the top of the list and I'm not in the right place mentally they'll just hold the place until I can.

    My GP has also refused to make referrals requested by specialists, so I think it's about saving money.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • SystemSystem Forumite
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    Ames wrote: »
    To be fair, mine did. He said that as the waiting list is over a year and there's no guarantee that I won't be having an episode and unable to properly engage then there's no point referring. My CPN (who has made the referral) said that was rubbish, even if in a year I get to the top of the list and I'm not in the right place mentally they'll just hold the place until I can.

    My GP has also refused to make referrals requested by specialists, so I think it's about saving money.
    I got refused therapy because i was under the care of secondary services and apparently you couldn't be in both??

    Looking at being back under the CMHT but going to try and get some therapy sorted first :)

    As far as sleep hgyine goes, a lot of advice is to get up early etc. That simply doesn;t work for me. I was never a morning person anyway, and i'm the kind of person who needs asolid 10 hours sleep, so back when i had to up at work for 4am i'd be in bed by 8pm! Which gave me little time to do anything as i'd often be working till the afternoon. Now i work afternoon/evenings so my routine is bed between 2-3am and up by 1/2pm. This works for me. My meds make me drowsy but by afternoon i'm usually much more alert, an capable of functioning. I'm not recommending going to bed late and getting up later, just that there are different ways of having a routine and practicing sleep hygiene.
  • GlasweJenGlasweJen Forumite
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    Deka you live in Glasgow, I live in Glasgow. The CMHT will offer you an 8 week CBT course one day or evening a week and will do it within 8 weeks if you have the availability - which you do.

    I called at the end of May, spoke to someone on the 9th June and start my next round of CBT next Tuesday and that's because I work and couldn't make the first day I was offered.
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  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
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    DomRavioli wrote: »
    See above in red. There's been plenty on here that can help you. I'm guessing you haven't tried the two online instantly accessible CBT programs? Just seems self destructive - its hard to get out of the pity puddle but you have to wrench yourself out of it - and only you can do it.

    I did look but been swamped last 2 days as was tidying up my flat a little, went away for a night and was having issues with my bank I was getting sorted.

    Now this response of yours is more helpful so I will say thanks to make it clear I appreciate it.

    About the doctor thing especially in one town I lived they kept putting me off saying theres no point as waiting lists are that long, though that was a bad surgery I did have a chat once to a nurse as the practises policy was never give antidepressants until you have at least 1 (In fact I think they said 2) therapy sessions and I said to the nurse "is that to save money" and she basically said "to be honest yes" so it seemed more they weren't saying no as much trying to put me off and hoping I forget.

    I got antidepressants when I was 18 but came off them within about 3 months as the side effects made me dizzy a lot and kept having itchy arms, I had them again a few years after that but as it was over 10 years ago I can't remember exactly when then last time I got them was 3 years ago but I stopped taking them as I hate medication long term but what was bad was I went 2 years without going to the doctor as I don't get colds that often or anything and hate bothering the doctor unless its something severe, but she was a lovely doctor (and very attractive lol) really helped me out best doctor probably in my life, she instantly referred me to get my autism assessment, and when I did ask for antidepressants she discussed with me if it was a good idea and said not to be on them long term, same for when I was signed off she said she was reluctant at first to stop me going on it for life as it may be worse than being on jobseekers.

    And it was a year ago I changed a big thing in my diet, I went to diet drinks and a few months later cut back on takeaways hugely and feeling a little better now than in years, whilst I used to starve like now in the past what I also did was when I bought takeaway as it was either free delivery over like £12/15 I would order a lot in one go and reheat it but ended up horrible doing so, now I only eat at one takeaway that charges £1.50 delivery but can get a chicken kebab with chips and cheese salad and sauce that lasts me a whole day for £6 its honestly big enough for 2 or 3 people if I eat out up town its a subway and diet drink and that often makes me a little less hungry in the evening.

    So yes I have made steps that helped and certain things are at least a tiny bit more tolerable such as cooking, instead of cooking once every few weeks I cook maybe two or three times every two weeks I would do it more but I keep forgetting certain things like I have a lot of mince and I like to make chilli but forget the tomato sauce
    tomtontom wrote: »
    A fantastic young man has just been on the local news. You could learn a lot from him, it's amazing what a change in attitude can do for you - he's got a job, a car, goes on holidays - and he has Aspergers.

    http://www.nottinghamshire.gov.uk/pressreleases/show/council-service-supports-people-with-learning-disabilities-into-employment

    The interview with Bradley will be on the East Midlands Today website/ Facebook page tomorrow. Maybe you'll take a look?

    Don't take this the wrong way but has he dealt with a family member being murdered? And afterwards gossip saying as we were a benefit claiming family we were scum and it was gang related, the partner of the murdered person being attacked in the street and accused of murder, and having to go into a hostel as their own home was a murder scene and whilst in there one of the junkies attacked him and broke his hand slamming a door on it.Parents with mental health issues? Relatives with mental heath issues? I was told by my parents today my bi polar cousin whom we fell out with years ago found out my parents were round her mothers house, she flooded us with texts, went round to her mums and choked and punched her, and considering this woman is over 20 stone and her mum underweight.

    The murder was what screwed me up, I have never had a chance to get therapy for it, the partner of the person who was killed went from being a popular person to all his friends shunning him due to accusations as dirt sticks, lost his job working with kids as they couldn't be sure until court case ended he was innocent and over 12 years later has never worked and been on suicide watch many times.

    I actually in recent past contacted local jobcentre on multiple occasions asking them for the promised disability advisor appointments even to be referred to a place like Working Links/Ingeus and was told they are too swamped.

    When the murder first happened I joined the Prince's Trust which helped hugely but I missed random days due to depression so had to leave near the end but I loved the fundraising, trips, going to college that is exactly what I need now but no help for over 25's which is a shame

    I may look at it tomorrow or find some way to record it

    Now since I come across the wrong way, ok thanks for that I will bear it in mind.
  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
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    GlasweJen wrote: »
    Deka you live in Glasgow, I live in Glasgow. The CMHT will offer you an 8 week CBT course one day or evening a week and will do it within 8 weeks if you have the availability - which you do.

    I called at the end of May, spoke to someone on the 9th June and start my next round of CBT next Tuesday and that's because I work and couldn't make the first day I was offered.

    I actually live in Lanarkshire but most things I get like benefits, or advocacy is based in Glasgow so wasn't sure if I was elligable for support from Glasgow.
    I got refused therapy because i was under the care of secondary services and apparently you couldn't be in both??

    Looking at being back under the CMHT but going to try and get some therapy sorted first :)

    As far as sleep hgyine goes, a lot of advice is to get up early etc. That simply doesn;t work for me. I was never a morning person anyway, and i'm the kind of person who needs asolid 10 hours sleep, so back when i had to up at work for 4am i'd be in bed by 8pm! Which gave me little time to do anything as i'd often be working till the afternoon. Now i work afternoon/evenings so my routine is bed between 2-3am and up by 1/2pm. This works for me. My meds make me drowsy but by afternoon i'm usually much more alert, an capable of functioning. I'm not recommending going to bed late and getting up later, just that there are different ways of having a routine and practicing sleep hygiene.

    That part rings a bell to me, I am more alert around 10pm onwards regardless of when I woke up even in the past I have had 4 hours sleep day before been awake like 14 hours and was drifting off to sleep all day almost to the point of fainting then all of a sudden 10pm and I get more and more alert till midnight then it drops off a little more and more to about 2am.
  • SystemSystem Forumite
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    I think its often a case of finding what works for you personally. Not everyone is a morning person :o I still have a routine its just different to a lot of other peoples routine.

    Knowing if i have a big day ahead means adjusting said routine. The past few days off i;ve had i;ve literally done sod all, just not felt up to it. But yesterday decided i needed to do stuff today, so had a big sleep and managed to get up and actually do things, i usualyl feel like ive wasted days off but today was productive in my book. Granted i only went to the shops to get my bf's mum a birthday present and got myself some food as i cant cook at home, but its the little things and for for i felt i;ve achieved something even if to others it doesn;t seem like much.
  • missbiggles1missbiggles1
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    dekaspace wrote: »
    people expect me to know better or think I am being ignroant/racist/sexist/homophobic

    Why would people think you're homophobic when you're gay?
  • dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
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    Well its one of those things I never understand rather than me being lazy or anything back in the early days of leaving home technically even my whole life which I think is quite normal really is no matter if I had 8 hours or 10 hours I always hated waking up and wished I had a bit longer what might be a tad different is I left out other things to get sleep so I would jump out of bed say 8.55am go to bathroom have a wash and fresh clothes (no shower) and go out and be at class by 9.30am start pretty much on the dot, now I can't function without a shower if not at least 20 minute one but that part of my brain is conflicted between the same as years ago when I want to wake up and not waste time and not being able to function without a shower, I often joke to myself if I had a way to freeze time when I got up in morning that way I could have a shower shave, breakfast etc and not rush I would find it perfect. just like similar I often wished I could stay up all night and 10 seconds before I am meant to wake up freeze time and sleep for 8 hours then wake up but of course only 10 seconds had passed not 8 hours.

    Sorry a little mad side story but thats the way my brain works.

    What used to happen years ago when I lived local to parents (years after the death) my parents would always cook too much and bring me leftovers so I ate well and didn't really crave much after that as had a proper meal but my home town was tiny and high rent and no work so moved.

    A way to validate what people say and link it to my feelings is I am trying to find that middle ground, when I wake up early I feel I have all day to do something so don't rush, but then also think I have sat around for hours doing nothing so I feel bad either way so that part is motivation its getting my brain to kick in and understand and focus less on the two extremes.

    That and when I surround myself with stuff to do be it collections of books, dvds/box sets, fast internet, games consoles etc I feel perhaps overwhelmed is the best word because theres so much to do I will lose out on something but if I had nothing I would feel empty but also enjoy what I had as it was all I had again its finding the middle ground.

    So thats me side storying again rather than talking about things that failed, I am trying to find that middle ground as I say where I don't overwhelm myself but don't do nothing either so whilst one step at a time is correct what step is the best to start?
  • edited 22 June 2016 at 11:15PM
    dekaspacedekaspace Forumite
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    edited 22 June 2016 at 11:15PM
    Why would people think you're homophobic when you're gay?

    The way I say/write things like I would get annoyed about how a gay person gets praised to the point of they are treated like something special for being "different" when I get nothing and I would say something like how people who are seen as "normal" say a straight white male end up getting no praise whilst the person such will for just being gay (as in they must of had it hard coming out etc)

    I change between calling myself gay, straight, bi or just not labelling myself all the time, I have been with more men but thats because its harder to meet women and sometimes I want affection from a man in a different way (which is why I find it hard to label myself which I hear is common with autistic people)

    It doesn't even have to be about sexuality or gender or whatever just something against whats normal, it may of been on here a few years back I had an argument about smokers when people were talking about how uncaring smokers were and when I defended their right to smoke (with logical reasoning like if they smoked in private, if they sold possessions but gave them a deep clean first etc) I was called a lot of nasty things as I was defending them as well as pretty much being accused of being a smoker.
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