I want to work, but how with two tinies?

missbiggles1

muddywellies wrote: »

Not necessarily. It depends on the sort of work you do, and the sort of work your partner does doesn't it?

Well as you haven't said what he does and you seem to be just looking for a new job , that's a bit difficult to say, isn't it?

muddywellies

I have said he won't take time off for ill children - so it does all fall on me.

oystercatcher

It's not easy. I had a husband like OP's who wouldn't take time off.
He was very career focused. The one good thing about that was that when we eventually divorced he was able to support his children very well.

I worked nights when I had two tinies, stayed awake all day afterwards. It was horrible. Aforementioned Ex resented me collapsing into bed exhausted the minute the children were in bed the day afterwards.
Once the children started school I started childminding so I was around for the inevitable illnesses of my children. Aforementioned Ex didn't like the noise made by the minded children on the days he was at home :mad: I didn't make much money , the first thing I bought was a dishwasher

After the seperation my parents (who had refused to help while I was married as they thought I should be at home for the children like my mother) started to help and looked after my children before and after school so I could go back to my original career. In those days there weren't breakfast clubs etc.

I get the impression that it's much easier these days with minding and nurseries far more accessible and also tax credits to boost low wages. There's not much to help with the sheer exhaustion of all the rushing around though. Some husbands are helpful but I'm sure there's still some who aren't !

cyantist

There are places to work where the hours are flexible it's just finding them. My workplace is good like that but them so was the last place.

Is your husband unwilling to take time off or can't he? For some jobs it is very hard to do that without it affecting your work/progression etc. Could he look after the kids on an evening and you work a few evenings a week? A couple of evening shifts in a pub or restaurant could be fun as well but it can be tiring and after looking after two little ones all day might be a bit much.

muddywellies

I don't want to sound all weak and pathetic, but it's just so difficult.

My line of work is fairly well paid. Well paid enough to not qualify for tax credits. But not well paid enough that after tax it means I'd be working for absolutely zilch after forking out for childcare costs for two.

I'm aware there's definitely a strong argument for keeping going for career, pension etc but the problem is then you need to take time off as someone's ill or you have to leave early from a scheduled meeting because the nursery isn't open that late. It's just hard, knowing what's best.

cyantist

If your line of work is well paid, could you swap and do something else? Similar skills but different setting where things are more flexible. There's very few days I couldnt leave at the drop of a hat if I had to plus there's flexitime so I can work extra hours some days and take others off in lieu etc

How old are they? When will you get free childcare for one of them?

Mojisola

I think reading this thread - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5360486 - would help.

muddy - are you back together?

muddywellies

Well, yes. In the sense we aren't getting divorced. I suppose you might call it an open marriage though.

jackomdj

Our childcare responsibility falls predominantly on me. I say predominantly because OH will do it at a push, but he is self employed and earns so much more than me, that is a joint decision although it reads like it is him being a strop! (plus when our children were little he was working outside the UK).

When we had two in crèche I did two VERY long days. It meant they were in from when it opened at 7:30 (I think) until about 5:30. It meant those days I didn't see much of them but you paid by the day/half day so I did almost 3 days work and only paid two days crèche fees.

I was lucky as I was in the job re children so they were flexible, if the children were ill I took time off, sometimes it wasn't ideal and if OH was in the UK he would get home then I would go into work (certain deadlines has to be met regardless), also for some tasks I had a laptop at home.

There are ways and means, you just have to think of the best ways to manage. Little things, although I hadn't thought about it when I set my days, I worked Monday/Tuesday so I got bank holidays.

Good luck.

bouicca21

You are too full of the what ifs. If something happens like the kids get sick, you deal with it. It might be your day off. It might be your husbands day off. You might have to take leave. You might have to pull a sickie. You might have the sort of job that's sympathetic to working mothers - in my day the last thing you ever said was that you needed time off for children, nowadays people don't think twice about doing that.

And believe me if you think the problems are difficult when they are little, try it when they are at school and you just need childcare for after school and the holidays.

Look for problems and you will find them. If you really want it, just get stuck in and go for it.