I want to work, but how with two tinies?

mel48rose

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I hate to say it, but shouldn't the discussion about working and childcare have happened before having the children?

How many people do that :rotfl:

Goldiegirl

mel48rose wrote: »

How many people do that :rotfl:

If they just have babies without thinking, then they can't really complain if life turns out to be difficult afterwards

chelseablue

I only have one child and me and my partner both work full time.


Our childcare is:


Monday - Mother in law
Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday - Nursery
Friday - My mum


3 days a week in nursery costs £760 a month here, we split the cost 50/50, same as all our other bills.


Im waiting until my son is at school before having another one, then the nursery fees will start again :O

LittleMissAspie

Goldiegirl wrote: »

If they just have babies without thinking, then they can't really complain if life turns out to be difficult afterwards

Did you not read the link on page 2? Her husband has sex with her whether she wants to or not. I doubt it was her choice to have the most recent child.

muddywellies, you are displaying distinct signs of complex post traumatic stress and you need psychological help. Please go to your GP and ask for therapy, they will help you.

missbiggles1

mel48rose wrote: »

How many people do that :rotfl:

Don't know why you think it's so funny - most people I know discussed it before having children, talked with their employers about paternity/maternity leave, part time/flexible hours etc.

Not everybody just goes out into the field and drops a baby you know - lots of people think and plan responsibly.

missbiggles1

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

Did you not read the link on page 2? Her husband has sex with her whether she wants to or not. I doubt it was her choice to have the most recent child.

muddywellies, you are displaying distinct signs of complex post traumatic stress and you need psychological help. Please go to your GP and ask for therapy, they will help you.

If she's married to a rapist, it's her choice to stay with him and not to prosecute. In this situation, a reliable method of contraception would seem to be esential.

duchy

I do think a lot of couples discuss it in theory but how they imagine it will be and the reality are often very different.

A man saying -I'll help you out is understood as I'll take time off to look after a sick child by the woman - but the reality is often a child wants Mum ......or when it comes to the crunch Dad feels he can't take time off (our culture still thinks the man rather than the woman taking time off for a child who is sick is at best odd)

One of the reasons I suggested returning to study was I feel a lot of the OP's issues are down to loss of confidence and it'd be a more gradual move back to work (plus in the long run better qualified means more oportunities and choices)

mai_taylor

You need to get as far away for that awful man as you can possible get, that's the only way you're ever going to start to rebuild your life. You will never have a life and never be happy while you stay with him.

heuchera

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

Did you not read the link on page 2? Her husband has sex with her whether she wants to or not. I doubt it was her choice to have the most recent child.
.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If she's married to a racist, it's her choice to stay with him and not to prosecute. In this situation, a reliable method of contraception would seem to be esential.

:eek:

I presume you mean rapist, and your comment shows a lack of emotional intelligence to say the least.

LittleMissAspie

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If she's married to a racist, it's her choice to stay with him and not to prosecute. In this situation, a reliable method of contraception would seem to be esential.

Her brain is telling her she has no choice. It's a bit like hayfever. Pollen is not harmful to me, but when I sniff flowers my brain and body react telling me to sneeze and itch. There is no reason for me to sneeze and itch, plenty of people don't sneeze and itch. But my brain screams SNEEZE! and I end up staying indoors away from grassy fields to avoid these symptoms.

For muddywellies, divorcing won't be harmful to her and will actually be good for her but when she is exposed to the idea of it her brain tells her that it's hopeless, that no-one else would have her, that she's completely alone, that she can't trust anyone else, that she is worthless and doesn't deserve better, her husband's not perfect but he's done so much for her, he's not that bad anyway, there's no-one she can go to, what's the point anyway, something bad will happen if she leaves, she's so useless and she's not even sure that she's real, it might all just be an illusion. Her brain is screaming THERE'S DANGER ALL AROUND! and she ends up staying in her marriage in an attempt to avoid these symptoms. The marriage feels safer to her than the alternative.

She chooses to stay like you choose to stay on the pavement, where you think it's safe. Think how much effort it would take to make yourself walk out in front of a car, that's how much effort it would take muddywellies to leave her husband.