I want to work, but how with two tinies?

mel48rose

I wish the OP all the best for the future and her children. Things will not always look as gloomy as they do now

Alikay

Having read your other thread OP, I'd say getting a job is not the highest priority at the moment. The domestic violence and abuse you're living with needs addressing first - there are various organisations out there who you can talk to, both national ones and local based. Giving them a call does not necessarily mean you'll have to move to a refuge.

Your partner's behaviour is not normal, and it's doing you harm - please let someone in RL help you.

Hard_Up_Hester

If you really want/need to work you will find a way.
My DD has 4 children aged 14 months to 12 years and an ill husband, her husband works 7 'til 4, m DD works 5 'til 10 Monday to Friday, she also has a Saturday job and works as a baby whisperer on Saturday evenings and Sunday evenings.

tara747

muddywellies wrote: »

Hello, and thank you.

Our first child was born in 2007, and I went back to work after I had him. I never planned not to work although originally our/my intention was to work part time. I hadn't planned to have a baby so young (I was only 25 when I had him) and I did find maternity leave isolating and troubling.

Before having child1, I hadn't exactly been a career girl but I'd worked in a department with other young women aged between 23-30 and so I fit right in and I liked the sense of belonging and friendship. and the money, lol.

But when I went back after maternity leave I was a good two stone fatter and being part time I missed out on stuff and I was doing a rubbish job and I knew everyone was talking about me. So I left, and I did get another job after that but I guess my confidence has just nosedived and I did a bad job.

I spent two years or so not doing very much I suppose. I would take my child to school and go to the gym and then spend the afternoon with my animals and doing the house and garden - did a lot of house renovation stuff. And then decided to have another baby. I got pregnant in July 2013. I never find pregnancy easy. It's the sickness and exhaustion and it doesn't go after 12 weeks for me. So when I was pregnant, especially as the bulk of it was autumn/winter time I just slept loads and then I had my daughter in mid April 2014. And my husband started being odd and mean and controlling (he'd pretty much left me to my own devices when i stopped work in 2011, I don't mean he ignored me but just sort of let me get on with stuff) but after DD it was back to controlling friendships and everything else.

I decided to leave. Only I wanted to make sure I had a few basics in place like a job ... So I tried but it was very difficult. And then I got pregnant again.

I seriously thought about terminating. But the thing was I'd already had a termination. We'd tried for a baby in autumn 2011 and I got pregnant but I just felt I couldn't go through with it and I had a termination at 8 weeks. And although initially I felt relieved that still haunts me now And I just couldn't do it a second time. But that pregnancy was utter hell as it was practically back to back with the other one and I just spewed all the time and I cried all the time and I hated everything and myself most of all. I threw him out as I hated him, as I saw it as his fault (it was!)

But with it all, was this sense of needing him - he was the only one showing me support and kindness, hugging me and rubbing my back as I vomited for the 100000th time and saying how sorry he was but that the baby would be beautiful and loved and deserved us both.

Weirdly this is the first of my children I adored unequivocally as soon as I saw her. The other two it was a slow burn but with this one I felt like she was mine. And she's a lovely baby, hardly ever cries, and she loves me, and when you've got nothing, and when you've got no one, you need that.

I want her, and my elder daughter and son, to have a mum they are proud of and its so hard knowing how best to achieve that, maybe it looks easy on paper but in real life it's just not.

OP - I've only just read your previous thread (link on page 2). Your best option is to get out of your marriage while you still have any self-confidence left. Lots of good advice on this thread and your other one.

I wish you all the best.

missbiggles1

heuchera wrote: »

:eek:

I presume you mean rapist, and your comment shows a lack of emotional intelligence to say the least.

I did, of course, mean rapist but I disagree with the rest of your comment. I certainly wouldn't stay with a man who forced me to have sex against my will and I'm surprised you condone it.

muddywellies

We own.

At least one person is adamant it is harder when children go to school- we shall see.

oystercatcher

OP, you so remind me of myself 20 years ago. It's not easy and the home situation eats away at your self esteem until you believe you are helpless and it is all your own fault.

It's is NOT your fault and you can be strong and do what you want with your life but it won't be easy.

I suggest counselling if you can find some you can get to. Also read as much as you can about relationships and self esteem. There's loads of information on-line. I had to use library books.

Build up some inner strength , wait and plan. Life can get better. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel but you have to help get yourself there.

And of course look for part time job opportunities, even if it's just volunteering at toddler group to start with. The more you get out and mix with people and make 'network connections' the more support and friendships you can have to help you in the future.

duchy

Alikay wrote: »

Having read your other thread OP, I'd say getting a job is not the highest priority at the moment. The domestic violence and abuse you're living with needs addressing first - there are various organisations out there who you can talk to, both national ones and local based. Giving them a call does not necessarily mean you'll have to move to a refuge.

Your partner's behaviour is not normal, and it's doing you harm - please let someone in RL help you.

Actually I disagree
I think the first step for for the OP to find herself and work or college will show her she is capable and can do things. Just knowing that will help her find the confidence she needs to change other things in her life.

Alikay

duchy wrote: »

Actually I disagree
I think the first step for for the OP to find herself and work or college will show her she is capable and can do things. Just knowing that will help her find the confidence she needs to change other things in her life.

We'll agree to disagree on that one, then. My view is that her safety and mental wellbeing is priority number one.

chelseablue

muddywellies wrote: »

We own.

At least one person is adamant it is harder when children go to school- we shall see.

My son isn't school age yet but my cousins little boy is and she works full time.


She drops him at school and a child minder picks him up from school and looks after him until his mum finishes work.


A lot of schools have breakfast and after school clubs


There are definitely options (childcare is also cheaper when they start school)