I want to work, but how with two tinies?

*Robin*

muddywellies wrote: »

I just couldn't afford a nanny, unfortunately

https://www.childcare.co.uk/

Could be an option?

FBaby

Poor you, you sound so defeated. Unfortunately, as it's been said, the reality is that you will struggle to get back into your career unless you are prepared to focus on how you can make it work rather than how it is pointless or bound to fail.

If you are really serious about it, here's what to consider:
- I won't make any money. Firstly, you need to investigate whether you wouldn't be entitled to any tax credits. Even with a decent income, if your childcare costs are high, you might be entitled to some of it. Secondly, you need to factor in that your eldest might be close to being entitled to the 3 year funding, so that might again ease it off.

Then you need to consider that even if you work for nothing, that will be temporary until 1/ you get childcare funding, 2/ they go to school, however, if by then you can get one promotion, that will have been worth going back.

- Issue with children being ill. This always seem to come up from people who find excuses. How often are your children ill? I worked full time with two children at nursery and the times I had to take because they were ill were rare. When I started my new job, my boss knew that I had young children and we discussed what would be acceptable to him if I had to pick one up or couldn't come because no-one else could look after them. We agreed that I could make up hours if it happened, and possibly work from home. The reality is that most bosses are prepared to be flexible as long as the person doesn't abuse it. My children were rarely so poorly that I couldn't come to work. I agreed for nursery to give them calpol if they had a fever and that usually kept them going.

It's been pointed that you are going through quite some turmoil at the moment and you need to really consider what is best for you. If you really want to go back to your career, you really need to be dedicated to it as it is hard to work full-time with young children, so you have to believe that you can do it and that it is worth it.

muddywellies

There is well paid and well paid, though, isn't there: is my line of work fairly well paid in the sense I wouldn't be entitled to tax credits.- yes. Is it well paid enough to afford to employ a nanny on a full time basis - sadly not!

How do single parents manage? Some don't: that's why income support is paid to lone parents of a child or children aged under 5. Many have family who will help our. Many will have childcare costs paid for.

jog

Hi,

I have three children, a husband who finds it very difficult to get time off work to help with the children unless its planned well in advance and we had no family nearby to help. I accepted that when we had children my career would slow down / stop, as my husband was the main wage earner.
When our second child was born and our childcare costs doubled, I looked at alternatives, and ended up working two nights a week. I did split nights, so I could keep going the following day, yes it was very tiring, but we managed. I brought home more money working two nights a week than I would have working full time in my previous job after I had paid childcare. Once the children were able to go to nursery I was able to grab a couple of hours sleep in the day which made a big difference. Once the children went to school I was lucky enough to find a term time job.

I think there are a couple of things you need to decide. Are you wanting to work to earn the money in the shorterm, in which case evenings / nights may well give you more money in your pocket as you won't be paying out for childcare, however if you want to continue with your chosen career path, it may well be you have to accept a few years of working for very little return in your pocket at the end of the month, but in the longer term you may be better off.

I would second what others have said about the children being ill, unless you're really unlucky it doesn't happen that often, and in my experience most employers do try to be sympathetic as long as one doesn't abuse their trust.

lush_walrus

Nursery calling when your children are sick -one of our children started nursery im immediately caught chicken pots and then had high temp the ft his then that, the younger ones had already caught a lot of it from their older siblings before starting - in all cases we found the first few months we were called a lot and just had to go get them. After that maybe once a year tops.

So that does pass once their immune system ramps up. Just make sure you talk to your work about it and if they or anyone has had kids they know how it goes and most sympathise

LannieDuck

lush_walrus wrote: »

Nursery calling when your children are sick -one of our children started nursery im immediately caught chicken pots and then had high temp the ft his then that, the younger ones had already caught a lot of it from their older siblings before starting - in all cases we found the first few months we were called a lot and just had to go get them. After that maybe once a year tops.

So that does pass once their immune system ramps up. Just make sure you talk to your work about it and if they or anyone has had kids they know how it goes and most sympathise

I agree with this. When she started nursery, DD1 was ill with one thing after another for about 3 months straight. Luckily OH was a SAHD at that point. Since then she's needed hardly any time off.

DD2 started in March this year and she's been ill with something regularly ever since. There were a couple of months where we needed to take time off every week. Now it's gone down to a couple of days a month. I'm looking forward to next year when hopefully we'll be through the worst of the disruption.

It is very difficult to begin with. I'm home with DD2 today because she spiked a fever (over 39o) at nursery yesterday. Even though the nursery is very good and will give her calpol (some won't), it was too high even for them to have her in today. My OH max-ed out his annual leave covering the girls' sicknesses earlier in the year, so it's down to me. Unfortunately taking today off is going to mean missing one of my (self-imposed) deadlines for this month. I have a sympathetic boss, but I feel that I'm starting to push her tolerance a bit. She likes people to be physically in the office.

So it's been hard, even with two of us. Perhaps consider exposing the kids to playcentres etc before you go back to work to get some of the initial illnesses over with?

Btw, OH and I work 4 days a week each, which means the kids are in nursery 3 days. It works well for us.

Artytarty

Ach, just don't bother, you are clearly looking for validation not to try.
There's always going to be some reason not to.
Pointless.

WantToBeSE

I think the real issue here is your marriage, not how to get a job.

You may as well be a single parent, as you arent getting any support. In fact, you'd probably be better off emotionally as a single parent because you wouldn't have a useless husband who constantly calls you a bad mother and puts you down.

You CAN do it, you ARE a good Mum, you just have someone who tells you that you CAN'T and AREN'T.

Person_one

WantToBeSE wrote: »

You may as well be a single parent, as you arent getting any support. In fact, you'd probably be better off emotionally as a single parent because you wouldn't have a useless husband who constantly calls you a bad mother and puts you down.

You'd probably be better off financially too. Not just because you'd be able to claim tax credits but because you'd have some autonomy with your financial decisions and not have somebody else with so much power over you.

duchy

I had a career pre baby and really needed to work for my own sanity as well as bring in extra money but like you had a husband who had a career that meant I couldn't rely on him to be around (he worked stupidly long hours and also travelled with work).

I firstly worked part-time (I worked out that with childcare costs and travelling my nett earnings were more working 3 full days rather than 5) and later went to university.

In your situation with two children I would seriously consider using the years until they go to school to go to uni and become better qualified to enter a career once they are at school. Universities in general are very supportive and you'd qualify for student loans and possibly bursaries .
I never needed to be in college more than three days a week (admittedly once or twice I chose optional modules on times of lectures rather than topic) and if I missed the odd lecture for family reasons it wasn't the end of the world.

Perhaps a more long term approach but it would mean you'd be in a stronger position once the kids were at school and you'd be applying for fulltime jobs perhaps ?

It would also give you a bit of outside influences which from what you've said about your marriage might be helpful -and if you needed say counselling - most unis offer it to students.

muddywellies wrote: »

It doesn't sound harsh but it does sound lacking in understanding, to be honest.

To start with, my husband won't take time off for the children. That's it: end of discussion.

We have no family or friends who will help.

It's all fine as long as everything is, well, fine. All fine as long as the children don't get ill all fine as long as I don't get stuck in a traffic jam, all fine as long as I don't have to start early or finish late.

It's not that I don't want to work, it's the actual logistics.