I want to work, but how with two tinies?

barbarawright

The children are just as much your husband's responsibility as yours. You shouldn't be thinking of it as *your* wages paying for childcare. If you both work, you both pay nursery fees as they are freeing both of you to continue with your career.

Mojisola

muddywellies wrote: »

Well, yes. In the sense we aren't getting divorced. I suppose you might call it an open marriage though.

And does that make you happy? Does it mean that you can plan your life as a family in a way that's good for you and the children?

Until you resolve your relationship problems, life won't be right whether you get back to work or not.

GwylimT

muddywellies wrote: »

There is well paid and well paid, though, isn't there: is my line of work fairly well paid in the sense I wouldn't be entitled to tax credits.- yes. Is it well paid enough to afford to employ a nanny on a full time basis - sadly not!

How do single parents manage? Some don't: that's why income support is paid to lone parents of a child or children aged under 5. Many have family who will help our. Many will have childcare costs paid for.

I was a single parent working as a mechanic fulltime and studying physics at university fulltime. It isn't particularly difficult, you just have to want to do it. Unlike myself you would only be paying 50% of childcare costs as dad would be paying the rest.

If they're ill you take a day off, it really is that simple.

muddywellies

Thank you. I realise other people do it but I don't think I can -
Must be stupid or something

mel48rose

When my 3 were young I had to work evenings, twilights and weekends when my hubby was at home to look after them. Not ideal but needs must. My boys have a strong work ethic because of this which some people are sadly lacking these days

muddywellies

I always had a strong work ethic. I always worked and I have never claimed benefits.

Mojisola

muddywellies wrote: »

Thank you. I realise other people do it but I don't think I can -
Must be stupid or something

Not stupid but worn down by a bad relationship and made to feel worthless.

tara747

muddywellies wrote: »

It doesn't sound harsh but it does sound lacking in understanding, to be honest.

To start with, my husband won't take time off for the children. That's it: end of discussion.

We have no family or friends who will help.

It's all fine as long as everything is, well, fine. All fine as long as the children don't get ill all fine as long as I don't get stuck in a traffic jam, all fine as long as I don't have to start early or finish late.

It's not that I don't want to work, it's the actual logistics.

WantToBeSE wrote: »

I think the real issue here is your marriage, not how to get a job.

You may as well be a single parent, as you arent getting any support. In fact, you'd probably be better off emotionally as a single parent because you wouldn't have a useless husband who constantly calls you a bad mother and puts you down.

You CAN do it, you ARE a good Mum, you just have someone who tells you that you CAN'T and AREN'T.

^^^ This.

OP, you have a lot going on that isn't to do with work. Your husband isn't very nice, is he?

kingrulzuk

My sister had all the help she needed when she was here in Scotland,but as soon as she moved to Southampton, there was no help at all.

Her husband was working on the ship and she got a 9 to 5 job.

So what she did is: asked the work place if she could work from 9 to 3 so she could put the little ones in the nursery and pick them up at 3 and spend the evenings with them.

She has a career and looks after the kids.



I think OP should look into her relationship first before looking for a job

Goldiegirl

I hate to say it, but shouldn't the discussion about working and childcare have happened before having the children?