How to get my brother to move out

misterzim

The GF is not getting any pressure from anyone to let him move in officially. They've actually been offical for 10months, still early days I know and I fully understand her not wanting to make the commitment. It's us asking him about moving in with her as he basically lives there anyway but also that he just needs to move out of ours - we don't care where he lives.

He has been diagnosed with depression in the past and was taking antidepressants for a while and revceived counselling too.

theoretica

Could you say he can use your address for post, but needs to move his stuff out and give back the key. Do you have a shed he could use?

krlyr

I would perhaps go down the route of "Look, we thought giving you 6 months would get you sorted out. It's obviously not worked and now it's time for you to try something new - for everyone's benefit"

I wouldn't come to compromises with the use of your address for mail, extending the time, etc. - I think 31st January is very generous as it is to be honest!

His situation should, on paper, work very well for him..no rent would be an ideal for many. It's not a realistic ideal though for most, yet the majority of others manage one way or another.

I think it's time for sink or swim. I too have had to throw my brother out, and I won't deny that he did struggle for a couple more years after that, but he did finally get himself straight and he's now renting his own house with his girlfriend (saving to buy, got a decent deposit), with a little one due in March and a wedding planned for a couple of years' time Had we kept supporting his bad choices, I doubt he'd be in that position now.

misterzim

So, a little update, for those of you who are interested, as 31st January is fast approaching - deadline day!!!


My brother has now had two full months to get a months rent and deposit together to move out. Has he managed this? Has he f***!


His job has been hit & miss apparently so his income is variable and has had to be as tight as possible with money - but admitted to an upcoming visit to Paris with his girlfriend (still also owing our Dad £440!).


He has an agreement with a close friend to crash on his sofa, as and when he needs to, for a nominal nightly fee but his friend won't allow him to use his address - meaning he was just going to carry on using our address.


When questioning him about this his new idea is to contact his local council and tell them he is homeless in the hope that they will find him some affordable accommodation.


I cannot believe the uselessness of it all to be honest and needed to vent - again!:mad:

Guest101

Change locks, move on.


He's a leach, he may change, but at the minute everyone is enabling him.

fairy_lights

misterzim wrote: »

His job has been hit & miss apparently so his income is variable and has had to be as tight as possible with money - but admitted to an upcoming visit to Paris with his girlfriend (still also owing our Dad £440!).

That's just taking the p1ss.
Come the 31st, I'd be changing the locks. He's had two months to get the money together to leave but is choosing a holiday with his girlfriend instead of acting like a responsible adult? he's made his bed.

pinkshoes

misterzim wrote: »

So, a little update, for those of you who are interested, as 31st January is fast approaching - deadline day!!!


My brother has now had two full months to get a months rent and deposit together to move out. Has he managed this? Has he f***!


His job has been hit & miss apparently so his income is variable and has had to be as tight as possible with money - but admitted to an upcoming visit to Paris with his girlfriend (still also owing our Dad £440!).


He has an agreement with a close friend to crash on his sofa, as and when he needs to, for a nominal nightly fee but his friend won't allow him to use his address - meaning he was just going to carry on using our address.


When questioning him about this his new idea is to contact his local council and tell them he is homeless in the hope that they will find him some affordable accommodation.


I cannot believe the uselessness of it all to be honest and needed to vent - again!:mad:

Stand your ground, and on the 31st January change your locks. He is NEVER going to learn otherwise.

If you back down and extend this deadline, then he will just keep taking advantage and see you as a push over.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!

warehouse

krlyr wrote: »

I think it's time for sink or swim. I too have had to throw my brother out, and I won't deny that he did struggle for a couple more years after that, but he did finally get himself straight and he's now renting his own house with his girlfriend (saving to buy, got a decent deposit), with a little one due in March and a wedding planned for a couple of years' time Had we kept supporting his bad choices, I doubt he'd be in that position now.

Exactly that. You know what you need to do.

marleyboy

The deadline is fast approaching regardless of his circumstances. If you dont stick to this deadline, you will create another for him, then another, then another. In knowing your deadlines dont mean squat, he can quite easily say "Whatever" and rest in the comfort that there really is no deadline other than you repeatedly saying there is.

Its a no brainer, the ball has to be in your court and you have to stick to YOUR deadline and not his own.

Candyapple

misterzim wrote: »

So, a little update, for those of you who are interested, as 31st January is fast approaching - deadline day!!!

My brother has now had two full months to get a months rent and deposit together to move out. Has he managed this? Has he f***!

His job has been hit & miss apparently so his income is variable and has had to be as tight as possible with money - but admitted to an upcoming visit to Paris with his girlfriend (still also owing our Dad £440!).

He has an agreement with a close friend to crash on his sofa, as and when he needs to, for a nominal nightly fee but his friend won't allow him to use his address - meaning he was just going to carry on using our address.

When questioning him about this his new idea is to contact his local council and tell them he is homeless in the hope that they will find him some affordable accommodation.

I cannot believe the uselessness of it all to be honest and needed to vent - again!:mad:

Clearly money hasn’t been that tight if he’s planning on going on holiday! Your brother is taking you and your dad for a bunch of mugs. He has borrowed money without repaying it, overstayed his welcome with you and now can’t be arsed to sort either situation out, preferring instead to rely on further emotional blackmail to make sure his life remains cushty.

Depending on how old your brother is, if he presents himself as homeless to the local council he will likely be placed in a hostel alongside alcoholics, drug users etc. and possibly not even in the same area depending on how stretched your local council is for accommodation because as a single male he is not a priority need. If he’s under 35 all he will be entitled to for housing benefit is shared accommodation rate (a pittance). But this is not your problem. This is what he should have researched himself and tried to sort out but instead he has stuck his head in the sand hoping that you/your dad will bail him out (again).

https://lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/search.aspx
http://goo.gl/gsWH9o

So OP, what is your plan of action for 3 days’ time?