How to get my brother to move out

misterzim

We have given him until 31st January to move out. He has £438 left on the debt to our Dad (so he has done really well by his standards) but you are right in thinking that he doesn't have the money available for a rent deposit and a months rent up front.

He's just terrible with money, spending it on McDonalds etc daily. He doesn't earn a lot, maybe £16k but this easily covers bills. Like I said before, my biggest gripe has been the extravagant birthday present for his girlfriend when the priority was his debt payments. I feel let down by him after everything we have done for him.

With regards to living with his girlfriend, I think as well as the obvious benefit claiming issue, she has had bad relationships in the past and doesn't want to commit officially to him moving in - which I can understand - but why let him stay all the time, allow him to look after her child, pick her up from school etc and not make that commitment? It's all a bit messy if you ask me and he is very shady with any information he gives about her. They've been official for 8 months and only my mum has even met her - once!

Anyway, thanks again for everyone's responses, I feel like I needed to vent all of this to others!

heuchera

If he's got the debt down from £6000 to £438 he's nearly there :T

I know he took his time paying it, but better late than never.

The girlfriend is his own business, really.

prosaver

say
the funs over
i want rent or move in with your girlfriend
stand firm..no back chat.. thats it or bye
then give the rent to your dad..
simples

thorsoak

He's not a child: whilst you keep bolstering him up, he will continue to use/abuse your trust. JUST TELL HIM GO - and DON'T GIVE HIM ANY MORE SUPPORT.

misterzim

For those still interested, in the few days since I gave the move out date I've had two messages telling me:

1. His painting and deorating job will have no work over Xmas and therefore he won't earn any money.

2. The message I got today was that he thinks his relationship will end soon as he is useless and he's not good enough for her and it's all his fault

- sob story much?? This is what I'm dealing with!!!

BigAunty

Paying off a debt in the way your father has and offering him cheap or free accommodation by yourself, has enabled his babyish ways, lack of taking ownership of his issues.

So his reaction - 'its not my fault/problem/responsibility' and a sobstory is fairly typical. Sob stories are what got him the debt paid off and new accommodation at yours.

People with low or no incomes can claim housing benefit. He could work on his relationship with his girlfriend. He could find proper accommodation with friends (if they want a man-child as a lodger. He could market himself better to get work in the leaner period.

The path of least resistance, the easiest way, the least effort, is to spin a 5 minute sobstory.

Tell him he's got 6 weeks to get his s*it together, the locks will get changed. His financial/relationship/work problems are his alone to sort out.

misterzim

I've told him several times in the last few days that he HAS to move out by Jan 31st so I hope he gets it.


But the text from him this morning goes: "I've got a parking fine of £70 for parking in a disabled bay near my GF's house last night!"


"I'm now in £450 debt plus Dad's debt"


"Life just isn't worth it"


"I'm just going to live in my car"


This is what I get every time I've ever mentioned him moving out and it does my head in!!

thorsoak

Just call his bluff. Leave him to sort his mess out. Whilst you are always there to give him a hand, then this will continue.

So what if he doesn't pay your dad back? I do understand that this is important, both to your dad and to you - but it is your brother's responsibility, not yours.

BigAunty

Imagine what the texts will be like as it approaches the end of January! This is 7 weeks away and already the campaign to 'keep things as they are and not have to do anything' is in full swing

misterzim wrote: »

But the text from him this morning goes: "I've got a parking fine of £70 for parking in a disabled bay near my GF's house last night!"


"I'm now in £450 debt plus Dad's debt"

Another one to add to the 'Not my problem' list. Girlfriend problem, money problem, work problems, parking problem - his problem.

misterzim wrote: »

"I'm just going to live in my car"

Another one to add to the 'Not my problem' list.

misterzim wrote: »

"Life just isn't worth it"

Ah, the suicide card. Potential problem of yours. You indicate his usual mode is to produce a sob story so that he doesn't have to commit any time, expense or energy to solve his self-inflicted problems. Unfortunately, you may have to take this one seriously. Read up on suidice advice sites to understand how to react to this type of comment.

misterzim

There have been suicide threats before, most recently after the breakup of his previous relationship.


He is scarily possessive over his GF's, as his previous GF opened my eyes to. We have had advice from GP's / Mental Health Dept. to ignore the threats and focus on positive communications with him.