How to get my brother to move out

misterzim

Hi All,


I live with my girlfriend and 19 month old daughter in a moderately sized 3 bedroom house. My brother had circa. £6000 debt after a relationship breakup (which our Dad cleared for my brother to pay him back) and got himself in trouble with the law (not his character at all but that's a whole other story!) and so we said he could stay with us back in Feb 2012.


He stayed for about 6 weeks before he found a flat share and moved out - we said he could stay for 6 months in order to pay back our Dad but we think he felt uncomfortable/in the way?


He struggled to pay the debt off while living in the house share (low income and totally useless with his money!) and so asked if he could move back in with us. We decided to let him stay for another 6 months from April 2015 to pay the debt off (£5000 at this point).


He made good progress but got himself a girlfriend and she became priority - spending over £300 on her birthday !!!!!!! Payments to my Dad reduced and he is now behind on payments and still living with us. For 4 months he basically hasn't been living with us but has been living at his girlfriends and popping home when he needs clothes etc. We stopped his rent to us because of this in the hope he would pay Dad back sooner. It then became apparent that he has also been paying towards his girlfriends bills as he's there so much!


The dilemma I'm facing is this: his girlfriend is a single mother claiming benefits and won't allow him to move in because of this (but accepts his money for bills and he practically is living there!) and he's essentially using our home as his registered address. We keep prompting him that it's time to move out and he keeps coming back with lame excuses and that it's not the right time to be moving in with his girlfriend. I personally think his girlfriend is taking him for a ride.


How should I go about sorting this out? Any advice will be much appreciated.

itsanne

Stop 'prompting' him, tell him.

indsty

Sorry if it sounds harsh but your brother needs to realise he is now an adult and has to be responsible for himself. Give him a firm date - maybe just after New Year. Stick to your guns. Take your key back on that date whether he spins you a sob story or not. You and your partner deserve some privacy. Try and get your father on board as well so he doesn't immediately turn back to him for help. If you don't put your foot down he will remain a burden to you all for the rest of his life.

mrsammyp

You need to have an adult conversation with him, he's taking both you and your dad for a ride! He's only paid back £1,000 over 3 years, that unacceptable!

GeorginaShams

Getting angry at him or telling him your thoughts on his girlfriend will only push him away, and result in him resenting you.

Continue to charge him rent, make him help around the house and march him to the bank to set up a direct debit to your Dad to pay him back!

TBagpuss

Stop hinting or pushing, tell him.
Sit down with him, explain that you have been willing to help him but it is getting too much for you. Set a deadline and explain than from that date you won't be able to have him continue to live at your house and that you won't be able to let him use it as his registered address.

I'd suggest that you give him a month's notice, which will take us pastChristmas and give him time to find his own accommodation.

I don't think that his poor money-management are your business as he does't owe you any money, so I would not go into that unless he brigns the subject up. At that point I think it would be reasonable to say hat you do feel he should prioritise poaying his dad back over supporting his girlfriend. Becuase the current situation means that in effect, your dad is supporting your brother's girlfriend.

If your brother cannot get himself sorted to rent a flat and his gf isn't happy for him to move in with her, then he may need to look at renting a room as a lodger, or moving into a shared property.

missbiggles1

misterzim wrote: »

Hi All,


I live with my girlfriend and 19 month old daughter in a moderately sized 3 bedroom house. My brother had circa. £6000 debt after a relationship breakup (which our Dad cleared for my brother to pay him back) and got himself in trouble with the law (not his character at all but that's a whole other story!) and so we said he could stay with us back in Feb 2012.


He stayed for about 6 weeks before he found a flat share and moved out - we said he could stay for 6 months in order to pay back our Dad but we think he felt uncomfortable/in the way?


He struggled to pay the debt off while living in the house share (low income and totally useless with his money!) and so asked if he could move back in with us. We decided to let him stay for another 6 months from April 2015 to pay the debt off (£5000 at this point).


He made good progress but got himself a girlfriend and she became priority - spending over £300 on her birthday !!!!!!! Payments to my Dad reduced and he is now behind on payments and still living with us. For 4 months he basically hasn't been living with us but has been living at his girlfriends and popping home when he needs clothes etc. We stopped his rent to us because of this in the hope he would pay Dad back sooner. It then became apparent that he has also been paying towards his girlfriends bills as he's there so much!


The dilemma I'm facing is this: his girlfriend is a single mother claiming benefits and won't allow him to move in because of this (but accepts his money for bills and he practically is living there!) and he's essentially using our home as his registered address. We keep prompting him that it's time to move out and he keeps coming back with lame excuses and that it's not the right time to be moving in with his girlfriend. I personally think his girlfriend is taking him for a ride.


How should I go about sorting this out? Any advice will be much appreciated.

Basically, he has already moved in with his girlfriend and is aiding and abetting her to commit benefit fraud. If he isn't living with you then he's living with her - he can't just be wafting about in the ether!

Tell him to move his stuff out and let him sort out his problems for himself rather than enabling him.

FBaby

They've got it good, very good. She is still getting all the benefits she gets to claim as a single parent which will be more than she needs to survive, then she gets extra from your brother to pay the bills, and for all we know, she get maintenance for the kids. He IS living there, but know that as long as he keeps his name to another address, if they were to be reported/investigated, they could show evidence that he supposedly live somewhere.

They are playing the system together. It is up to you whether you close an eye to it, or whether you tell your brother that it is time he does things officially and you are not prepared to be party to his lies.

Guest101

GeorginaShams wrote: »

Getting angry at him or telling him your thoughts on his girlfriend will only push him away, and result in him resenting you.

Continue to charge him rent, - Fair enough. make him help around the house - Doubt this would actually ever be enforceable in any way. and march him to the bank to set up a direct debit - Dad is a business??!! to your Dad to pay him back!

*** STANDING ORDER*** - it's an important disctinction

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Basically, he has already moved in with his girlfriend and is aiding and abetting her to commit benefit fraud. If he isn't living with you then he's living with her - he can't just be wafting about in the ether!

Tell him to move his stuff out and let him sort out his problems for himself rather than enabling him.

Where he sleeps is not where he lives. He has a home, and therefore this isn't benefit fraud.


(the paying towards her bills makes this a bit more debateable) - but without more information I wouldn't comment

Guest101

FBaby wrote: »

They've got it good, very good. She is still getting all the benefits she gets to claim as a single parent which will be more than she needs to survive, then she gets extra from your brother to pay the bills, and for all we know, she get maintenance for the kids. He IS living there, but know that as long as he keeps his name to another address, if they were to be reported/investigated, they could show evidence that he supposedly live somewhere.

They are playing the system together. It is up to you whether you close an eye to it, or whether you tell your brother that it is time he does things officially and you are not prepared to be party to his lies.

No, he is SLEEPING there now.


(I'll caveat again, as the bills thing is 3rd party and not clear - the bills might make this debateable)