How to get my brother to move out

dragonette

Don't be surprised if he asks to come back round a day or two later to collect something he 'forgot' and then try to guilt you. I had an ex that was very similar, you can't break yourself to help him. It is possible his gf feels exactly the same!

Change the locks, try to have a witness there on moving out day. Good luck

krlyr

misterzim wrote: »

All respones I expected to receive and thanks.

He has agreed to take all his belongings and leave his key on Sunday. As for the postal address I will have to 'return to sender' as I know he will not take responsibility and change address.

It sucks when your brother is like this and for the most part he doesn't do things on purpose but I do feel let down by him now and he's royally pi55ed me off!!

I'll let you know how it goes on Sunday!!!

I have a much better relationship with my brother 7 years on, so there is hope He can still be a bit of a flake, so I don't necessarily hold too much stock when it comes promise, but I'll trust him to lend the odd tenner or so and he comes through fairly quickly to repay it! So you never know, this could be the making of him.

RuthnJasper

Good luck OP. I totally agree with the advice given and I think that your brother is extremely fortunate in having you and your father. Loving parents and siblings are a blessing not everyone gets, which makes it all the more wretched that he has chosen to abuse your love and goodwill.


My own leaving home was not of my choice, albeit in different circumstances than yours, and although it is difficult financially it has been the making of me. I am blessed to have a nice little HA property (VERY small, but just right for me and the dog), and am grateful for it. Also, my relationships with my parents and brother are much improved these days. MUCH better than before I moved out.


Stand firm and stay strong. Don't give in to his emotional threats (if he's planning holidays and being intimate with his GF, his depression cannot be drastically desperate - I speak as a sufferer myself).


Very best wishes to you. xx

FBaby

He'll behave in two ways. Either he'll use your eviction as the reason for everything that is wrong in his life and blame you for it, in which case, it is a flow with his attitude and if hadn't been this, it would have been anything else.

Or he'll do the huffing and puffing to start with, but deep inside knows that he deserves it and not only still want to be close to you, but probably have even more respect for you. All good.

misterzim

I will be packing up all of his things on Sunday ready for him to collect, so all he needs to do is turn up, pick up his things and leave his key!


I have been really tempted to contact the DWP also about his girlfriend but as he has no connection to her address I'm not sure that will work? He has admitted that he gives her money towards bills but it's all cash so no evidence?? Anyone have any thoughts on this?

FBaby

You could report them and it will be up to them to decide how much they want to investigate. Ultimately, as you say, as they seem to know the rules well and are doing everything to avoid being linked, unless the team looking at it happens to be on a mission/have extra resources to take it further than just doing a check, nothing much is likely to happen.

It's a very personal decision, but if I was in your situation, I would focus on trying to keep the relationship going between the two of you despite you asking him to leave. If in 6 months time, he happens to tell you that he has officially moved in with her, and also tell you that she is still claiming as a single person, then I would say that unless they clarify their situation, you might have no choice to report them, but let's face it, how likely it is that he would share this information to you? At some point, he will run out of family/friends willing to give him an address, and he will have no choice but to register with her if this is where he ends up taking permanent residence.

Candyapple

What address will he be using for his bank / credit cards? Because if you start to write 'not known at this address' etc. on any letters that arrive, his cards will be blocked until he contacts the bank and gives them a new address.

And his driving licence - failure to notify the DVLA of the correct address is an offence which can result in a hefty fine. Not to mention if he had an accident, it would invalidate his car insurance because one of the questions insurers ask 'Is that the address where the car will be stored and kept in the evening' (when you enter your home address) because as we all know premiums vary depending on what postcode/part of the country you live in.

Again, none of this is your problem and things that your brother should have thought about. I reckon slowly but surely he may initially spend a few nights kipping on his mate's sofa, but once this gets old/uncomfortable/outstays his welcome, gradually he will move in with his girlfriend and probably persuade her into not saying anything to the DWP with regards to their living arrangement.

After re-reading your initial OP again, you did mention that you think his new girlfriend is using him. I wonder if he realises what a silly position he has put himself in because if they eventually break up, he will have nowhere to go and really will be homeless. I don’t quite think your brother has grasped just what that will entail. It’s not just turn up to the council and get a flat within a few weeks. Some councils are so inundated that they will place people in different areas miles away, as a personal example of someone I know who was from London, the only temporary accommodation the council had available was in Birmingham. Who is supposed to hold/look after his personal belongings, clothes, equipment etc. if he will be sofa surfing or staying in a hostel? I suspect you are going to be getting a lot more sob stories in the future about moving back if things don’t work out between him and his girlfriend. Good luck, it is a shame your kind gesture hasn’t worked out as planned.

misterzim

He hadn't planned on changing his address at all and I only found this out after my Dad saw him 2 days ago while visiting us and meeting up with him.

He just doesn't ever think about these things, never has. Even before our attempt to help, which just enabled his behaviour, he just never understood the value of money or how to take responsibility for himself - it really beggars belief and I don't know how to get it through to him.

He also told my Dad that his girlfriends ex-partner (father to her child) pays maintainance for the child but also some other payment on top of that, which she would also lose if he moved in officially, apparently. Not sure as to the validity of this but he's either lying to my Dad or she's telling him that and he's beleiving it. Like you said Candyapple, he has NOTHING to fall back on if his relationship falls apart - which I can see happening!

Gigervamp

misterzim wrote: »

He also told my Dad that his girlfriends ex-partner (father to her child) pays maintainance for the child but also some other payment on top of that, which she would also lose if he moved in officially, apparently. Not sure as to the validity of this but he's either lying to my Dad or she's telling him that and he's beleiving it. Like you said Candyapple, he has NOTHING to fall back on if his relationship falls apart - which I can see happening!

That sounds like spousal maintenance. Was she married?

Spousal maintenance if paid, usually has clauses such as stopping if the ex moves in with a new partner.

BigAunty

misterzim wrote: »

He also told my Dad that his girlfriends ex-partner (father to her child) pays maintainance for the child but also some other payment on top of that, which she would also lose if he moved in officially, apparently.

Child maintenance is an obligation for the Non-Resident Parent to pay towards the parent with care of the children. CM can be paid to a lone parent receiving benefits and has no impact whatsoever on their entitlement - it is paid on top of means tested benefits.

Perhaps they have some kind of private agreement, negotiated between themselves, that isn't arranged through the CSA (which is now called something else) where the ex has insisted on some kind of condition for its payment.

However, the like the CSA, the new child maintenance body that replaced it, simply calculates a percentage that the NRP pays based on things like number of children, salary, how many nights the children stays over with the NRP. There's no other conditionality.

If your brothers GF does have a private CM agreement where her ex is able to dictate conditions such as non-cohabitation, then its a shame that she is subject to that kind of relationship control by her ex.

That said, you make her out as mercenary and your brother as gullible, so she might be fibbing to keep your brother from moving in, or your brother fibbing to try and tug other people's heart strings as to why he is now homeless.

The biggest issue is that she would see a large drop in child tax and housing benefit if he moves in, plus a drop in cash gifts and luxury romantic breaks when your brother has to spend his money on her rent rather than on her.