Name change after marriage?

lisa110rry

Thirty-eight and a half years ago, I was delighted to change my name to my husband's, despite the fact that if written cursively and quickly it can look like I'm in a state of sexual excitement.

Fast forward to 2012 and when our son married, his lovely wife wanted to keep her name as she is one of three daughters. Obviously, we let them decide this without input from us. Our son prevailed and she changed her name. I am very happy about this but would not have objected to her keeping her name so long as any children have our son's name as he is currently last of the male line with a very unusual old surname.

Mojisola

lisa110rry wrote: »

Fast forward to 2012 and when our son married, his lovely wife wanted to keep her name as she is one of three daughters.

Our son prevailed and she changed her name.

Poor woman! I hope that's not the pattern for the rest of their married life.

Why was his wish for her to change her name more important than her wish to keep her own name?

Voyager2002

o01shorty10o wrote: »

Hi guys!

I have always felt uncomfortable about possibly changing my name one day due to marriage. And now the time has come to face it, we are engaged (yay)

My problem isthat I am my name. I love my name, it is rare and my oh name is rather common, (another family on our street alone also has it)
Future husband wants me to take his name, my parents want me to also. Everyone I dare voice my opinion to says I'm being silly, like my opinion doesn't matter.

He is not up for duel naming or a whole new name, yet I really want to have the same name as him don't get me wrong! But I cant understand why I'm expected to change my name because we are getting married?

He has two brothers who got married this year, their wives were super excited to take their names. I would hate for him to feel upset because I'm not, but I'm just nit thrilled about throwing away the name I have had for 28 years.

I'm wondering if I am being out of order, everybody else says I am. That thesis whats done or perhaps I int love my wonderful future husband enough to take his name but this could not be further from the truth its simply strange to me to be called something other than my name!

I think you should do what feels right for you...

Both of my sisters are married: one continues to use her maiden name, the other has taken that of her husband. Not a big deal.

However, what does worry me is that you are allowing other people to put you down and interfere with what should be your decision.

As for the question of naming children and so forth, you might like to look at the Spanish system (where women do retain their names).

MallyGirl

I was happy to take my OH's surname as I had a double-barrelled maiden name and was teased a lot as a child about it. I wouldn't inflict that on my own child. OH's name was nice and simple.
I have a friend where she has gone double-barrelled but he didn't and nor has their DD and a friend where she has kept her maiden name and kids have Dad's surname but they have given her maiden name to their son as a middle name to keep it going (traditional Italian family name).
You should do what you want.

LannieDuck

You say that he'd like you to take his name, but does he actually feel strongly about it? If he's not too bothered, and you want to keep your name... what's the problem?

If he does feel strongly about it, can he explain why? As others have said, if he wants you both to have the same name, perhaps he'd like to be the one to change?

MovingUp

I can understand your feelings. I was set against changing my name on marriage. This was even up until the day we got married. I spoke to my husband about it and he said he would prefer me to take his name. I suggested double barrelled but did not like how it sounded. I stuck to my guns and my husband said he was happy as long as we were married.


Fast forwarded a few years and I am known only by my maiden name at work. Family presumed I would take his name (his family, not mine) but this did not affects us. It was our choice. My family referred to me as both names, although more so by my maiden name as that is what they were used to.


I have changed my passport, driving licence and all accounts. I have no ID in my former name accept for my professional entitlement to practice.


I often now have to correct my husband who still refers to me by my maiden name, more recently on an important application!


The message from this? Time changes it all. Keep your name for a as long as you want. You may find that you want to change it as time passes. That is your choice.

Kaye1

My friend is a Dr. and she keeps her maiden name at work (she has built up a name for herself in her particular specialism) but at home she uses her married name.

Georgiegirl256

lisa110rry wrote: »

Thirty-eight and a half years ago, I was delighted to change my name to my husband's, despite the fact that if written cursively and quickly it can look like I'm in a state of sexual excitement.

Fast forward to 2012 and when our son married, his lovely wife wanted to keep her name as she is one of three daughters. Obviously, we let them decide this without input from us. Our son prevailed and she changed her name. I am very happy about this but would not have objected to her keeping her name so long as any children have our son's name as he is currently last of the male line with a very unusual old surname.

Have we just jumped into a time machine back to the 1950's or something? :eek:

By all means have your own views, but don't force them on to other people.

What would have happened if she hadn't have gave any children your sons surname? Would you have made her life a Merry hell and made her feel bad?

OP, your maiden name will always be your name. You can change to your married name if you wish, but still use your maiden name for a lot of things too if you wish. This is what I do.

At first I wasn't going to change at all as I had no real urge to and couldn't be bothered with all the changing of documents, bank accounts etc, (which actually isn't that hard to do), and also because not a day goes by without having to spell my married name for people and explain where the name is from. :mad: Sometimes I wish I hadn't swapped over and for conveinience just use my maiden name!

The choice is totally yours, don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong, that is merely just their opinion. You do what feels right for you.

barbarawright

o01shorty10o wrote: »

It sounds silly and exactly everyone tells me so but it really is! Its my name, I have to decide whether to change it and to me that is a big decision that I simply wanted to talk out with somebody. I chose here to get honest opinions

It's not silly at all. I find it extraordinary that, in 2015, people still think it's a woman's duty to change her name. But it's slightly worrying that your families are not taking your wishes seriously

benjus

Voyager2002 wrote: »

As for the question of naming children and so forth, you might like to look at the Spanish system (where women do retain their names).

Not sure how well that would work here, as the Spanish system requires two surnames to work smoothly. On a day-to-day basis people normally just use the first (or sometimes the second), but for forms and formal occasions they will use both. Most people who come here from Spanish speaking countries either just use their first surname and drop the second completely, or use both as a compound surname all the time, which gets a bit cumbersome.

Unlike Spain, in some Latin American countries women do commonly drop their second surname and replace it their husband's first surname. In some countries this is just an informal convention, while in others it has legal standing. e.g. the president of Argentina is Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner (her late husband being Nestor Kirchner).

Anyway, as far as the OP's question goes, just stick to your guns and keep your name if it makes you happy. It's not exactly unusual in this day and age.