Name change after marriage?

jaylee3

fairy_lights wrote: »

If me and my oh get married, neither of us will change our names. If we have kids they will have my name, possibly double barrelled with his but more likely not, purely for the reason that his name is pretty hideous (If you say it quickly it sounds like a certain part of the male anatomy).
I think its something couples need to discuss before kids come along really, so they can come up with a solution that works for everyone.

I REALLLLLLLLLLY wanna know what it is now. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Is it the same as a certain MP with the Christian name ED... Or is it a male chicken? Or male cows? Am I close? :rotfl:

fairy_lights

jaylee3 wrote: »

I REALLLLLLLLLLY wanna know what it is now. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Is it the same as a certain MP with the Christian name ED... Or is it a male chicken? Or male cows? Am I close? :rotfl:

You're in the right area...so to speak :rotfl:
It's not a particularly common name which makes it even worse because it always has to be repeated several times before people understand.

coolcait

o01shorty10o wrote: »

...
He is not up for duel naming or a whole new name, ...

jaylee3 wrote: »

Surprised nobody has mentioned this yet...

Why not go double barrelled? Both of you. If you are Jennifer Lee, and he is John Whittington, then you are Mr & Mrs John and Jennifer Whittington-Lee.

Then any future children (if you have any) can be Miss Whittington-Lee and Master Whittington-Lee. (For example......)

OP ruled that idea out in the first post.


OP, I had no issues about changing my name because - to me - my name doesn't define who I am.


However, the real issue in your post is not whether or not you want to change your name, or how you feel about your name.


It's the fact that you are allowing other people to try to influence your choice, and you are allowing them to try to emotionally manipulate/blackmail you.


Don't give them that power.

Anatidaephobia

o01shorty10o wrote: »

He is not up for duel naming or a whole new name, yet I really want to have the same name as him don't get me wrong! But I cant understand why I'm expected to change my name because we are getting married?

I agree with all of the advice already given; it's your name and you just need to stand your ground if other people try to force their opinions on you.

However, you do say you want to have the same name as your partner but if he doesn't want to change his name, I'm sure you can understand this as it is likely for the exact same reasons that you don't want to change yours. I think the end result will be that you can keep your name but will have to accept that you and your partner will have different names.

TonyMMM

Whatever you do ...make a decision one way or the other.
Double barrelling just avoids the issue, pushes it down a generation and creates a bigger problem for your children when they marry.

jaylee3

fairy_lights wrote: »

You're in the right area...so to speak :rotfl:
It's not a particularly common name which makes it even worse because it always has to be repeated several times before people understand.

:rotfl: Oh dear...

coolcait wrote: »

OP ruled that idea out in the first post.

OP, I had no issues about changing my name because - to me - my name doesn't define who I am.

However, the real issue in your post is not whether or not you want to change your name, or how you feel about your name.

It's the fact that you are allowing other people to try to influence your choice, and you are allowing them to try to emotionally manipulate/blackmail you.

Don't give them that power.

Oh sorry, I didn't notice that bit.

I agree that the OP should not be bullied by anyone to change her name if she doesn't want to.

A friend of mine (some 15 years back) wanted to make her name Lennon-Harrison (she was Lennon and he was Harrison*) but he was furious, and said 'maybe you shouldn't marry me then if you don't wanna fully take my name!'

She cowed down and gave up the idea and took his name! :eek:

I think I woulda said 'FINE then, if you will call off our wedding and our marriage purely because I want to double barrell my name to keep my maiden name, then maybe you don't love me at all...so let's call it all off!'

Not sure if they are still together. I haven't seen her since around 2005!

*NOT their real names.

I changed mine happily to be honest, but I respect people who don't want to.

Savvy_Sue

I was hugely relieved to change my name, but one of my sisters who married the same year kept hers. When making hotel bookings etc, her DH was often booked in as Mr HerName rather than Mr HisName.

And my sister-in-law was deeply amused when I (accidentally) sent them able-labels as part of their wedding present using her name not my brother's! :rotfl:

It's a purely cultural thing. One of my colleagues has kept her name after marriage and assures me that it's not at all normal to change it. Another has kept her name because professionally it's easier not to make the change.

seven-day-weekend

I have friends who have just got married after living as man and wife for thirty years. She has always called herself Mrs His name and their daughter is Miss His name. Her sons from her first marriage are Mr First husband's name.


I also know two sisters who use their maiden name because their father died when they were very little and they want to keep his name. One is Mrs Her father's name and one has double-barrelled it with her husband's name.

I don't think it matters who takes who's name, or if you keep your own, but it is something that has to be agreed upon.

I took my husband's name because it was nicer than mine, although we did consider double-barrelling.

System

Just to point out.

There is legislation that makes changing a woman's name on marriage to their husband's name very simple

However the other way around requires a deed poll for the man to do it

harrys_nan

My son has recently married after living with his now wife for a good few years.
His wife has gone double barreled, she felt the same as you but my son still just has his surname.
Whichever way you choose to go is very much up to you,