Name change after marriage?

barbarawright

o01shorty10o wrote: »

Hi guys!

I have always felt uncomfortable about possibly changing my name one day due to marriage. And now the time has come to face it, we are engaged (yay)

My problem isthat I am my name. I love my name, it is rare and my oh name is rather common, (another family on our street alone also has it)
Future husband wants me to take his name, my parents want me to also. Everyone I dare voice my opinion to says I'm being silly, like my opinion doesn't matter.

He is not up for duel naming or a whole new name, yet I really want to have the same name as him don't get me wrong! But I cant understand why I'm expected to change my name because we are getting married?

He has two brothers who got married this year, their wives were super excited to take their names. I would hate for him to feel upset because I'm not, but I'm just nit thrilled about throwing away the name I have had for 28 years.

I'm wondering if I am being out of order, everybody else says I am. That thesis whats done or perhaps I int love my wonderful future husband enough to take his name but this could not be further from the truth its simply strange to me to be called something other than my name!

Is this really about the name?

VfM4meplse

barbarawright wrote: »

Is this really about the name?

Probably not, but if she loses this one the OP is on a hiding to nothing.

o01shorty10o

!!!!!! wrote: »

Just to point out.

There is legislation that makes changing a woman's name on marriage to their husband's name very simple

However the other way around requires a deed poll for the man to do it

And why is that? I think this country is very backward when things like that come up!

Thank you everyone for your advice, I need To figure out if I'm being stubborn out of principle or if I will feel genuinely sad about losing my name. I will spend the next few weeks testing out, saying out loud and writing it as I haven't done that yet. I may find I like it or I may find that I definitely don't and there I shall have my answer!

o01shorty10o

barbarawright wrote: »

Is this really about the name?

It sounds silly and exactly everyone tells me so but it really is! Its my name, I have to decide whether to change it and to me that is a big decision that I simply wanted to talk out with somebody. I chose here to get honest opinions

fairy_lights

o01shorty10o wrote: »

i need To figure out if I'm being stubborn out of principle or if I will feel genuinely sad about losing my name. I will spend the next few weeks testing out, saying out loud and writing it as I haven't done that yet. I may find I like it or I may find that I definitely don't and there I shall have my answer!

Will your oh be doing the same I wonder? I think wanting to keep your name as a matter of principle is a perfectly valid reason to keep it!

KRB2725

I don't think it matters, can't believe it is still an issue!

However, I would suggest you think about any future children you may decide to have. Our children were given my husbands name and I really disliked having a different name to them. I didn't even realise this would be an issue for me! I am not a fan of double barrelled names and would never have chosen that route.

I have now changed my name and much prefer having a family name rather than being 'different'. I have a couple of unmarried friends who have children and they dislike having a different name to their children as well. It's obviously not something that bothers everyone, but something to think about if you intend to have a family (another thing that everyone will have an opinion on!)

FBaby

I faced exactly the same dilemma. Deep inside wanted to keep my name for the same reason but knew OH was keen on me taking his name. I did nothing at the time just let things happen as time went by. A few years on I use my maiden name only at work and when travelling ( as had only renewed my passport before getting married). Also have not changed FB, Amazon etc... on the basis I couldn't be bothered. Have changed with kids schools, bank and anything new. It works fine and OH actually said recently he didn't mind which name I used. Despite never saying it officially he knows I like his name as it associates me to him but do like the sound of mine better.

Mojisola

!!!!!! wrote: »

There is legislation that makes changing a woman's name on marriage to their husband's name very simple

Is there any legislation or is it just tradition?

Alter_ego

!!!!!! wrote: »

However the other way around requires a deed poll for the man to do it

Can you substaniate that? Or did you make it up?

catkins

I never had a problem changing my name to my husband's and now have had my married surname longer than I had my maiden name.


My husband did say though that if I wanted he would change his surname to mine. Will your boyfriend not consider that?


Personally I wouldn't want to have different surnames as I think it can cause confusion but plenty of couples do. I also would never go the double barrelled route. Most of the time the double barrelled name just sounds silly and surely will cause problems when any children get married (will they have to go for a triple barrelled name?) I also wonder just how people with a double barrelled surname get on filling in forms. I have quite a long surname and struggle to be able to fit it in to the little boxes forms give